


Red vs. Blue: Reaction Resurrection

by UknownHero



Series: React Watch Believe Yikes Universe [2]
Category: RWBY, Red vs. Blue
Genre: Awesome, Comedy, Drama, Moved from FanFiction.net, Volume 1 Only, reaction fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-15 23:28:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 47,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11816424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UknownHero/pseuds/UknownHero
Summary: Side Story to React Watch Believe Yikes! This also isn't your normal reaction fic! The Reds & Blues in one room? Fine. The Reds & Blues in one room with Wash, Carolina and Tex? Worse, but still fine. The Reds, Blues and Freelancers stuck in one room with nothing to do except watch RWBY Volume 1? Yeah, that's not so great. The fact that they're from different time period doesn't help...





	1. Worst Intro Ever. Of All Time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS FOR YOU TheDistur6edGuy! All RWBY dialogue comes from the wiki and RWBY itself is owned by Rooster Teeth! That is a blanket disclaimer, I don't own shit except my misspelled name and words. Let's do this!

It was a normal day for the Reds & Blues.

_**FWOOSH! BOOOOOOMMM! EXPLOSION!** _

Well, as normal as recently crashing into an alien planet in the middle of nowhere, in a canyon in the middle of nowhere can get. Barely anyone survived the crash (which may or may have not been caused by certain passengers) and no one knew where they were.

They were stranded.

But it doesn't mean the Reds and Blues weren't up to their usual routines. The Reds were arguing about how fast someone should show up on the phrase 'On the Double' and talking about the most delicious punishment ever, the Blues (well, Tucker & Caboose) were being lazy or dumb while former Agent Washington was yelling at them to get back to work while he worked on something himself, feeling his inner-Church kicking in. And all of this was being observed by a cyan-armoured woman in a Scout helmet and metastable A.I with a Sniper Rifle on a cliff that had a cave. The only way out of the canyon. The A.I, Epsilon, Church, whatever you want to call him. He was just looking at the men that stuck by his side, even if he was an asshole. He remembered from the Alpha's memories of how the Reds & Blues started out as enemies he wouldn't hesitate to kill each other (and he knew that the Alpha secretly cared for Caboose, even though he annoyed the hell out of him and did "kill him" more than once) (AN: NO HOMO), to annoying bastards he could call friends and someone he could count on with his life. How they've come so far. That's why he chose the memories of Blood Gulch back at the Memory Unit. If he was going to die, he may as well spend it with good soldiers, even though they were basically copies.

And now, he was leaving with Carolina on a mission that could take years to complete.

"Yeah, still, I hate to leave without saying something. They deserve to at least hear goodbye." He tried to reason as he looked back at the Sim. Troopers. Hell, he was still amazed that these guys aren't even getting into the real army. They deserved to at least fake being real soldiers to other people,

"My mother had a saying. Did I ever tell you about my mother?" Carolina asked Church. She smiled when he started laughing,

"No, I don't think you ever did." He chuckled as he shook his head,

"She wasn't around a lot when I was a kid. And when she was she could only stay a short time. Seems like she always had somewhere else to be. Something important to do. And when she left, she wouldn't say goodbye to me. Instead, she always told me, 'Never say goodbye. If you don't say goodbye then you aren't really gone, you just aren't here right now.'" She told the A.I as she looked up in sky, wondering if she was watching from above. Maybe with her father,

"Your mother sounds like a smart lady." Church said as he looked up too and gripped his virtual Sniper Rifle and smiled sadly, remembering how he let Tex finally have peace,

"She was, she really was." The Freelancer said with tears forming in her eyes, "Had terrible taste in men though." Church couldn't help but laugh before he went to Carolina, knowing what she meant,

"Hey, Church! Church! Come down here! We wanna show you something! Church!" Caboose yelled out, but only saw that he'd disappeared. He looked down stared at the glowing thing in his hand; he was going to ask Church what it was, "Church?"

"Hey, Caboose, you find Church?" Tucker asked as he walked up the Dumb Blue,

"Nah, I didn't find him." Caboose answered with a hint of sadness in his voice. He really wanted to find out what the glowy thing was,

"Well, where do you think he is?" Caboose only stared up into the sky and said the wisest thing he ever said in his entire life, he just didn't know it,

"I don't know, somewhere. He's just not here right now." He said as he walked with Tucker back into Blue Base. He was about step in until he thought of something, "Hey Tucker! Look what I found!"

"What are yo-IS THAT A DIAMOND!?" Tucker exclaimed as he snatched it out of Caboose's hands, "Dude, this could make us rich! Where did you find it?"

"Oh, I was walking around to find Church when this glowy thingy hit my head." Caboose explained, "It didn't hurt. I have a helmet. I miss my old one."

"So this planet can make diamonds in the sky!? Fuck it, give me a bucket!"

(A few hours later…)

"Hey Blues, whadda you all doing in the middle of the canyon with a bucket?" Sarge asked as he, Grif and Simmons walked up to Tucker and Caboose holding buckets above their heads,

"Oh, we're looking for diamonds." Caboose simply said as he dropped the bucket again, "They fall from the sky."

"Um, diamonds are in the ground, not in the sky." Simmons told them, his nerdiness kicking in, "Diamonds form fr-"

"Shut up, Simmons! We're on an alien planet. Anything is possible." Grif said as he taped a cone onto his helmet with duct tape, "Now show me the money, crystal-giving sky!"

"You boys look ridiculous." Sarge said, making Simmons smirk under his helmet, finally having someone on his side, "We should have a Sky Mining Facility, with robots! And pickaxes! Dangerous machines that'll kill Grif in a 5 mile radius! And I get 99.999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% of the profit!" This made the maroon cyborg to face palm and slump down. Then he noticed the purple crystal on the ground near Tucker's feet,

"Huh." Simmons said as he picked it up. Suddenly, it started to vibrate in his hands, "HOLY SHIT!" Simmons exclaimed as he dropped it on the ground,

"Hey! Don't damage it!" Tucker said as he dropped his bucket and picked it up, "It won't se-hey, why is it shaking?"

"Guys, I think we should throw that thing away." Grif said as he noticed the purple crystal starting to glow brighter, "If that thing explodes then I'm blaming it on Simmons."

"What did I do!?" The nerd exclaimed,

"You made it start shaking, so clearly it's your fault!"

"I only grabbed it! It started by itself!"

"Then why is it glowing!?"

"Uh… guys." Caboose said as he saw a leaf falling starting to slow down, "Something's…"

"Shut up Caboose!" The bickering Reds said,

"Boys, I know tensions are high," Sarge said, "But we should all stay calm and blame Grif for the crash and the purple crystal glowing."

"Oh fuck you!"

"Fuck you, what!?"

"Fuck you, sir!"

"Better."

"Guys…"

"Shut up Caboose!"

"Seriously, if any of you came here, none of this wouldn't happen!" Tucker exclaimed as he grabbed the crystal and started walking away, "Let's go back Caboose. This was a waste of time."

"Tucker…" Caboose tried to say as he noticed the dust being kicked up by Tucker's boots weren't settling down, "Something's…"

"Caboose! Shut up until we get back to base!" Tucker yelled out as the crystal started glowing even brighter, not noticing the world becoming frozen around them. He didn't even notice that Wash was mid-step as he was going to the group. But did notice that the crystal was glowing to the point where it was blinding. He dropped it and stepped back as it started glowing even brighter and started floating in the air, "What the fuck!?"

"Um… I don't that's a diamond." Simmons said as they all started stepping away,

"And I don't think you glow!" Grif exclaimed as he pointed towards his friend. Everyone turned to see that Simmons was glowing purple. He was about to say something but suddenly he exploded into purple dust, only leaving his guns, "SON OF A BITCH!"

"SON OF A BITCH!"

"SON OF A BITCH!"

"SON OF A BASKET!"

"Holy shit! Simmons just exploded!" Grif exclaimed as he started running around in panic,

"No shit, Numb Nuts!" Sarge yelled out, "There goes a good man. A man who,"

"Says yes to everything you say, we get it Sarge!" Tucker exclaimed, "But right now we have t-" The Tucker exploded,

"We're all going to die!" Grif exclaimed,

"Well, I hope you're next, Grif. It's been an unpleas-" Then Sarge poofed too.

"Caboose, if I die, you can have m-" Then Grif exploded, leaving Caboose alone. The Blue looked around noticed that he was the only one left that wasn't frozen,

"Can I explode too?" Cue Caboose glowing purple, "Thank you!" And then Caboose exploded, leaving Chorus frozen in time.

**(Season 5)**

"Tex?" Church asked as he saw the ship explode. He looked at Sarge and saw him standing there, staring into the sky. He glared at the Red but couldn't blame him. If Andy didn't explode the ship, then O'Malley would be free to rule an entire race and probably use it to enslave the human race. He just took a breath and started walking away, "Let's just go." He said with a grim undertone in his voice. When he was half way to Blue base, he looked back and saw his team still staring into the sky, "HEY! GET OVER HERE ALREADY!" Still no response. He just grumbled and stomped his way towards them, "Alright, show's over! Tex died! Would you guys go home already!" Church yelled. Still, no one moved. He just yelled out angrily and tackled one of them down and tried to shoot him/her in the head, only to miss. He threw away the gun and just punched the ground. He turned to see that he tackled Caboose and, "Huh?" Church ran up and looked at the statue like Blue. He turned to the others and touched Sister's head, causing her to tip and fall over. He groaned before flopping onto the ground.

"Fucking Wyoming!" Church exclaimed, 'His fucking helmet must have been on the ship and caused time to freeze somehow during the explosion! Then why am I not affected?!' Church thought as he pounded his fist on the ground, only to hit something not dirt. He looked at where he punched and saw that it revealed a purple glowing crystal. He narrowed his eyes and pulled it out of the ground, *Sigh* "At least I'll have some money, considering if someone isn't frozen." He muttered to himself. Suddenly it started to glow brightly. He dropped it and looked at it before he noticed that he was starting to glow purple, "Ah shit." And then he poofed.

**(Season 6)**

She didn't know how she survived. Or how the ground stopped getting closer. All Tex knew that the world was frozen around her. The last thing Shelia said was that the back was open so she cautiously walked up to it and saw that she was definitely floating in the air. The ship was above canyon, but Blood Gulch. It was actually pretty vibrant and it even had a sea behind Red Base, based on the colours of the Sim. Troopers there and was frozen as well, with one soldier at mid-point. She sighed and looked around. She stuffed Junior into an emergency teleporter and sent him to the nearest living relative, Andy was destroyed, Wyoming's helmet fell out of the ship and she was sure Sheila wasn't going to survive the crash.

"So I'm trapped on this ship until I'm dead, great." Tex muttered as she looked around the place, "Yep, everything is still busted." Tex sighed as she wandered around the surprisingly roomy ship. Debris was floating in the air she could even see a stray bullet being fired from a gun. It was weird, she wasn't used to seeing stuff frozen in time, "I'm not going to survive this, am I?" Tex said to herself as she looked out the window and saw Wyoming's helmet. She was going to jump out a grab it to deactivate the Time Distortion Unit when she noticed something glowing in a cabinet behind her, "I've got nothing else to lose." She muttered quietly as she opened it, revealing a glowing purple crystal, "What's this…" She grabbed it and suddenly she started glowing brightly. She was about to throw it away when she exploded into dust.

**(Season 10 Prequel Segments)**

She was sure she was going to die. She didn't know why Maine was doing this but all she knew that she was going to die.

But she didn't.

Carolina just stared at Maine's visor and felt, no,  _knew_ that he wasn't human anymore. He was traitor to mankind. She looked at the two A.I chips in his hand as he choked her, his grip not loosening up, but it wasn't getting tighter either. She didn't understand why he didn't throw her off the cliff yet but she didn't care. She wanted to breathe. With enough effort, Maine's hold on Carolina's neck was gone as she fell to the snow at the edge of the cliff. After sucking in some breaths for a few minutes, she put on her helmet and placed a Pistol at Maine's head, 'I could end this before he goes a gets the others.' The Leader thought as her trigger finger started to twitch.

But inside, she knew she couldn't do it.

He was a part of her team and there must be a good reason he done this. Maybe he was working with Tex or Sigma,

Sigma!

'THAT FUCKING SHIT!' Carolina thought angrily as she threw away the gun off the cliff in frustration. She knew Maine was starting to act strangely ever since she gave it to Maine and…

"I need to destroy it." She knew she needed to move fast as Maine could unfreeze at any moment. But she left her baton back at the Mother of Invention as well as any other weapons. She then spotted something glowing in the snow. She quickly dug it up and pulled the crystal out, 'This should do.' She thought as she turned it to its sharpest end pointing out, "I'm sorry Maine." She said as she started charging at his back. She didn't notice herself glowing and when she was about to stab where the A.I and Maine's spinal cord is, she exploded into purple dust.

**(Season 11)**

"Everyone together! We can do this!" Wash yelled as he fired his Battle Rifle, now having hope that they could actually make it. He was surprised that Tucker actually followed what he did in his training so he could get Freckles to recharge. And everyone was holding them off really well. Now all that they needed to do was,

"No. You can't." Wash was about to turn his head when he heard a gun being fired, he quickly closed his eyes and waited for the pain to come, knowing that he couldn't dodge it. And waited.

For a good few minutes.

"Huh?" Wash opened his eyes and saw that the beam from the Rail Gun just stopped in front of his face. He quickly backed away and moved out of it's path. He stared at the frozen beam and turned his attention to the battle.

It was frozen too.

Wash fired at the frozen Feds and they just fell, dead. He looked around and found Locus at a vantage point. He quickly aimed down his sights and got himself ready to fire when he saw a purple glow, making him unable to aim. He felt a bit lazy considering that the world was frozen so he went to the source of the glow so he could get rid of it and shoot Locus. He found out it was just a crystal, "Hm. This doesn't look like it's a mineral from here." Wash analyzed. He was about to throw it away when suddenly he started glowing as well, "What the-" He looked at the guys as he felt some kind of energy flow through his body, "Go without me." And then he vanished.

**(Unknown Location)**

"Oof!"

"Ow."

"Fuck!"

"My tailbone!"

"Get off me!"

"Jesus Almighty!"

"Gack!"

"Ah!"

"Son of a Bitch!"

"Damn it!"

And thus the story begins.


	2. Why Are You Here!?

**(Location: Unknown / Date: Unknown / Time: Unknown)**

The Reds & Blues have been through many adventures, many of them almost killing them or (in more than one occasion) actually got killed. But never their years of fighting against and with each other has this lead them to this.

Being stuck in a room with Tex & Carolina.

It was bad enough having one bitch that can beat them up but now  _two_ mean ladies that hate each other was a bit too much. Then again, they could probably take on Tex if their battle against her copies had anything to say about it. But they feared something even worse than them.

Landing in a locked room with Tex, Carolina, Doc and Donut.

"What the fuck!?" Simmons yelled from the bottom of the pile, "Who the fuck is touching my cod plate? Is Donut in here!?"

"Sorry." Said Pink Soldier apologized as he managed to get out of the pile of armour and limbs, "Hey, this isn't the ship."

"Ship?" What are you talking about?" Grif asked as everyone started to get off each other while he ripped off the cone from his helmet, some of their heads still spinning, "You weren't on the ship! You stayed behind a Valhalla with Doc!"

"Wait, didn't Wash give us coordinates to a planet through the radio?"

"Donut, the radio is busted." Tucker stated as he finally got out of the pile,

"Unless he's from the future!" Caboose exclaimed as he jumped off the pile, being the last one to teleport, "Where I have a new best friend, the magic stick was fixed and where Church came back!"

"What are you talking about, idiot. I'm right here!" Church yelled out as he pushed Sarge off him. Suddenly, he felt that something was wrong. He looked up to see Caboose, Tucker, Sarge, Simmons, Grif, Donut, someone with steel coloured armour and yellow accents, a teal armoured woman with a Rouge Helmet and, "Tex?"

"Church?"

"Tex!"

"Carolina?"

"Carolina!?"

"Wash?"

"Church?"

"Wash?"

"Church!"

"Caboose! Tucker!"

"Church."

"Sarge!"

"Sarge?"

"Simmons."

"Sarge!"

"Simmons!"

"Grif!"

"Donut…"

"Sarge!"

"Caboose!"

"Church!"

"Tucker!"

"Grif!" Someone else was about to say someone's name (AN: I lost who was saying which) but got interrupted by someone else landing in the room.

"DOC!?"

"Ugh… what happened…" Doc groaned as he held his helmet in pain, "I remember Grif throwing a Future Cube at me… then something else… uh…"

"Future Cube?" Grif spoke up, "What the fuck is a Future Cube!? And why is Church back!? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?"

"EVERYONE, SHUT UP!" Wash yelled out, shocking Carolina. Wash took a few deep breaths before speaking in a normal volume, "Alright. There's a lot of confusion right now and everyone is panicking. So let's calm down and figure this out." He said as he sat down on the ground. The Reds, Blues and the other Freelancers shrugged and followed Wash. After calming down for a few minutes, Wash start speaking again, "Okay. Now Donut, you said about a ship?"

"Yeah! You call us up on the radio and said to come over to you." Donut answered,

"So you were coming to rescue us? We're saved!" Grif & the Blood Gulch Crew cheered, apart from Church who had no idea what was going on,

"Yeah Donut. But that happened a few weeks ago." Wash pointed out, "You also brought Doc and Lopez with you and YOU TOLD THE SHIP TO LEAVE!" Wash yelled out that last part, still pretty pissed at the Pink Grenadier. Donut all saw his team and the Blues glare at him through their visors, even Caboose. He knew right then that he was fucked,

"GET HIM!" Sarge yelled as the teams got up and started wailing on him, even Wash. He still wanted a few more hits in. Carolina wonder what happened to Wash as she saw him kicking Donut's cod plate. Eventually, Tex & Doc got them off the poor man and settled down,

"Wait, for me it only happened a few days ago." Doc said as he started healing Donut. He was lucky that his Med-Kit was still on him, "You know you shouldn't have used my Medical Scanner as a weapon."

"Hold on, none of that stuff happened to us. We only crashed a few days ago!" Simmons said, "The only causality was Caboose's old helmet and many,  _many_  crew members. How the fuck did we crash anyway? It was supposed to be a smooth flight and quick and the ship was brand new!" Carolina was horrified at the loss of an entire frigate full of people. Tucker, Grif, Sarge & Wash stayed quiet at this part though, feeling relieved that they had helmets,

"Yeah, what a tragedy…"

"People make mistakes. It makes us human."

"What's done is done."

"Maybe the ship wasn't as well built as we thought…"

"Hello! Where the hell am I during all of this!?" Church asked/yelled out. He swore, if he died in that plane crash…

"Oh! Um…" Tucker needed to stall for time. Church was his be- well, he was his fr- actually, now that he thought about it he is an A.I with a completely fragmented mind who's a bit of a dick. Either way, he needed time. Wash knew it too, especially with Tex & Carolina around, "Well, you kinda…"

"You went missing when we crashed. We just assumed you landed somewhere else." Wash partially lied. He did go missing, just not it was him himself, but since Epsilon was practically the Alpha now… The most Wash thought about it, the more he wanted to get a drink, "Anyway, Carolina. Where were you before we uh… poofed into here?" Carolina sighed,

"Maine went rouge and ripped out my A.I and was about to throw me off a cliff." Tex winced at the memory of seeing Carolina getting thrown off the cliff back at Sidewinder many years ago. She regretted that moment, the first time she ever felt weak. The Reds & Blues shivered while Tex was thinking, remembering their past experiences with the Meta, "Wash, what was supposed to happened to me?"

"You were thrown off the cliff and presumed KIA." Tex answered. Carolina couldn't believe it. She would've died. She will die. By her own fucking team ma-no he wasn't part of the team anymore. He may have been control by Sigma but she knew Maine was stronger than that to fall under control of an A.I. Suddenly, she remembered something and unconsciously touched the holster of her Grapple Gun, 'Maybe…'

"Except you weren't, missy." Sarge spoke up, relieving Carolina and surprising Tex, "Used that grappling gun of yours to save you from going splat and spent several years in hiding before recruiting us."

"Why the hell would I recruit you idiots?" The Lead Freelancer asked. Wash, she understood, but one of the Red & Blues teams from the Simulation Program? Her first impressions of the Sim. Troopers was that they were either stupid or lazy. And from what she saw from the orange one, both. Tex had to agree even though they killed Wyoming and herself. Twice,

"They're not bad once you get to know them." Wash replied,

"As if!" Church said, "Spend 8 years with them then I'll listen."

"Says the former Leader of the Blood Gulch Blue Team." Wash said with a smirk,

"Oh come on!" Church exclaimed, "Who replaced me!" Tucker and Caboose just pointed over to the man in steel & yellow armour. Wash had to resist laughing as he heard jaws hit the floor (or at least the bottom of their helmets),

"Wash, I knew you weren't the best of Freelancers but…" Carolina couldn't even finish that sentence, "Seriously Wash…"

"What happened to you Wash?" Tex had to ask. She curious from how Wash came from the bottom of the leader board to recovering A.I to the bottom of the barrel,

"Let's just say things have changed over the past few years." Wash said, "And people change." He then gave a quick glance at the Reds & Blues, "For better or for worse." Carolina, Church & Tex still wanted answers but they decided to leave it for now, "Anyway, Tex?"

"Before I crashed in the middle of some canyon." Tex answered,

"Wait, as in when your ship exploded?" Church asked in disbelief, "I was just there!"

"So, we have Carolina from way back in the past, Church and Tex before we all left Blood Gulch and us & the Blues from after the crash." Simmons summed up as he picked up the purple crystals from the ground, which the glows had faded, "And these crystals must have some type of new energy that allows teleportation through time and space! And from how we got here, these seem to be highly unstable. But these crystals could change the world of modern science!"

"Hey, hate to point to out to you but we already have time travel and teleportation." Tex pointed out,

"I mean more than a few minutes! More than just using teleporters! If we somehow harness the energy of this stuff, we could change the world!"

"Or use it to kill our enemies before they're even our enemies!" Sarge suggested,

"Wait, if we killed our enemies before they're our enemies, doesn't that mean that they're not our enemies in the first place?" Grif pointed out,

"Conception!" Caboose exclaimed,

"It's Inception, dumbass." Grif muttered,

"Guys!" Wash yelled out, getting the others' attention, "Who cares about changing to world! If we don't find out where or when we are, we're fucked!"

"Wash is right," Tucker said, "We can't spend anymore time in this place. We don't even know if we're just on another pla-"

"Uh… guys?" Doc interrupted, "You may want to see this." The group looked at each other before heading over to Doc & Donut (who was healed up pretty quickly). The Reds, Blues & Freelancers stared in disbelief, with Carolina the only one gasping.

It was a skeleton with a bullet hole in the skull, broken glasses, familiar decaying clothes and a Pistol, Carolina's Pistol, in his hands. They couldn't believe what they were seeing.

It was the Director of Project Freelancer, Dr Leonard Church. A few hundred years later.


	3. WTF is RWBY!? (Ruby Rose)

**(Location: Freelancer Research Facility 007. Date: April 1st, 2804. Time: 13:00)**

Wash looked at the skeleton of someone very familiar to the Freelancers and the one who caused some much suffering for so many years. He had Bio-Scan installed into his helmet so he checked to see if it was really him.

_ Name: Dr Leonard Church _

_ DOB: File corrupted _

_ Home: File corrupted _

_Occupation: Fugitive, formerly the Director of Project Freelancer_

_ Years of Service: 30 years _

_Charges: Abuse of the given A.I Alpha from the UNSC (Destroyed) and 27 other regulations and rules._

_Known Affiliations: Former Recovery Agent/Freelancer Washington (Leader of the Blood Gulch Blues [Disbanded at 2576], retired at the age of 48, 2576), Agent Carolina (Retired at 49, 2576, daughter), Allison Church (Wife, deceased), Agents of Project Freelancer (45 Agents found Dead)_

_Status: Deceased (as of 2254). Eliminated by Agent Carolina, Agent Washington, Blood Gulch Reds (Disbanded at 2576), Blood Gulch Blues (Disbanded at 2576)_

'Holy shit…' Wash thought as he looked at the bio, surprised it can still connect to military records considering that they've actually travelled several years into the future. He quickly checked the date, 'You've got to be kidding me! 250 years!?'

"Uh… what's with the dead guy?" Grif asked nervously. Wash suddenly remembered that the Reds & Blues never had even seen the Director, or even heard his voice at all. They were the only ones he could trust right now since if he told Church he'd freak out. If he told Carolina she would yell at him, call him a liar or some shit and be generally pretty pissed at him since she was probably still with the Director. Tex however… actually, he should let Tex in on the whole time travel thing since she'd be at least a lot more mature than them now that he thought about it. And plus he was sure she was going to die so, you know how that old annoying saying goes, YOLO! 'God, I've spent too much time on Basebook…' "Wash?"

"He was someone who trapped himself in this room by accident and committed suicide before his starved to death." Wash lied. Doc checked and used his medical scanner,

"Wash's right. He's been starving for least a few days before he died." Doc said as he put the scanner back. He felt eyes look at him and wondered why or how Doc got that type of scan, "When you've killed a few patients, they install a little thingy that'll check how the person died."

"How did you even get into the army?" Carolina muttered as she picked up the gun and checked the clip, "What?"

"What is it?" Wash asked as he walked up to Carolina. She handed the gun over to him and the clip, 'It's empty…' Wash thought with a sweatdrop before subtly glancing at the Alpha,

"Whoever this guy was must've been a really bad shot." Carolina guessed. Wash looked at Church again, which Tex noticed,

'Okay Wash, what are you hiding?' Tex thought as she looked at the steel and yellow Freelancer/Leader, "It doesn't matter now. We have to get out of here before we starve and find contact to the nearest base to get a handle on our situation." Carolina turned to Tex and glared through her helmet, but grudgingly agreed. To be honest, she still a bit dizzy from seeing a decayed corpse on the middle of the room, "Now, how do we get out of here?" Tucker then something that could help them with the escape of the room,

"Everyone stand back, except for you Caboose." Tucker quickly ordered, which the idiot of the Blues answered with an 'Okay!' The Blood Gulch Crew automatically knew what Tucker was going to do so they all went to the back of the room. Carolina raised an eyebrow under her helmet as she saw Tex putting her back against the wall, "You may want to step back before you get hurt!" Carolina was still a bit skeptical but went along with it, "Hey Caboose! They're tax collectors with Red Bull and spiky cats and babies at the other side of that,"

*CRASH!*

"…Wall." Tucker flatly finished as Caboose just ran through what used to be 10 feet of concrete and synthetic material and out a storage container full of med-packs.

*SLAM!*

And then the door fell down, "What… the fuck?" Carolina said flatly as she saw Caboose still going on his rampage around the next room, "I don't think Maine was even that strong."

"God's way of compensating, lady." Church said a little smugly as everyone walked through Caboose's entrance, "God's way of compensating." Carolina was standing there for a few more seconds before walking through the whole the Sim. Trooper made muttering,

"What did I do to deserve this?"

**(A few days later…)**

It had been a good 3 days since the Reds, Blues and Freelancers have left the Director's room. On the first day, they spent it finding food supplies and a radio. It turns out that the UNSC have turned the place into a fully functional research facility (a section of it at least) as well as restore F.I.L.L.I.S (or Shelia if you were Caboose) before it was abandoned again due to the fact that there was some scandal about the scientist doing very special things to the robots found there. They didn't' find anything to use to contact any other facilities, but they did find a 3-year supply of Oreos (Which Grif planned to bring back with him) and there was a lot of long-lasting milk in the fridge so they were set until Grif's Oreo habit got the better of him. They spent the next day getting familiar with their surroundings. While Carolina and Church were scouting the outside, Wash decided that it was time to explain what was really happening, and even told the BGC what was going on Chorus and all about the Federation and the New Republic to them before Tex arrived, which ended up as a Fight of the Nerds between Grif and Simmons about Star Wars, which Tucker & Caboose joining in too (though the idiot Blue didn't know what a lightsaber even was). When he finished, the Reds, Blues and Tex were pretty shocked that they actually time travelled, not a scenario set up by the Freelancers. They all promised to keep it between each other (though, Caboose wasn't a guaranteed) and made up lie that Simmons found the date while exploring the facility. They had to endure a rant about bullshit time travel and many other things thanks to Church. Today, it was decided that they should research those purple crystals and how they could use it to get back to their time periods.

"Simmons! Front n' center!" Sarge yelled at the maroon cyborg, who ran to him saluted as fast as he could, "Now, give me a report on the fancy time travelling crystal."

"Yes sir! By the looks of it, the crystals seem to hold a lot of energy in them and that was the problem about it. It has too much power, making it unstable to the point where it could be set off at any moment." Simmons explained, "I've also noticed that the crystals aren't glowing as bright as they should be, so maybe it needs to recharge all that energy it needs to basically punch a hole through the fabric of space and time and send those around it through."

"What you're saying is that they're rechargeable batteries?"

"Yes sir. All we have to do is wait until all that power it has is back before we can go back to our time periods. However, we still have the problem of choosing which time period it is." Sarge thought for a moment before saying,

"Well, it looks like we have much of a choice. How long will it take?"

"By my calculations… by the end of the week." There was a silence after that, realizing that they had to spend and 4 more days. With Tex and Church. In a facility with nothing but science and machines,

"So… what do we now?" Sarge asked after the silence. Simmons went quiet before smiling a bit evilly under his helmet,

"Wanna go fuck with Church & Grif?"

"Son, you just read my mind."

**(Meanwhile…)**

"We beat you a thousand times over! We kick your ass with nothing but our blood, sweat and tears!" Tucker exclaimed as he walked along side Tex, "And my sword, guns and Caboose but it still counts! So why won't you let me take you out a date?"

"First of all, those were broken copies of me. Secondly, I'm going to die as soon as I get back and I don't want my final moments being with you. And 3)," Tex leaned into Tucker's visor for emphasis, "I am an A.I!"

"I don't give a shit! All you are is another chick." Tex glared at him like she wanted to melt his face off, "You're almost as human as everyone here… and a lot less mean than Carolina." Tex stopped in her tracks when she heard that last past,

"What do you mean by being nicer than Carolina?" Tex had to ask,

"You didn't try and make us face a potentially well-guarded base full of soldier who're ready to kill anything on sight and treat us like we're nothing but cannon fodder and idiots with guns. Fuck, the worst thing you've ever done was use Caboose as target practice, and that was a long time ago!" Tucker then paused to take a breath, "I'm trying to say that you're not that bad… even though you kinda have trouble at succeeding at many,  _many_ things, you're almost as human as the next person here." Tex went quiet after Tucker's speech before speaking,

"You are cannon fodder and idiots." She said coldly until adding a bit of warmth in her voice, "But you're  _my_ idiots and no one's changing that." Tucker had to laugh a little at the last part,

"So, are we on for that date?"

"Oh fuck no." Tex quickly responded, "I said you're my idiot, not my boyfriend. And you can't have sex with a robot. At least, not my model unless Sarge didn't give me a switch."

"Hey, it was worth a shot right?"

"No. No it wasn't." Tucker was about to respond to that when he heard someone contacting him on his radio,

"Tucker, we need your help. There's another locked container we need gone." Wash said through the radio,

"Oh, another time you need the key put in a hole. I'll be there. Bow Chicka Bow Wow!"

"Why do you keep saying that?" Wash groaned as he cut his radio off,

"You're still doing that?" Tex asked with a groan,

"Yep! It's my catchphrase, and the ladies love catchphrases." Tucker answer as he pulled out his sword, the only weapon anyone has here, "I'll see later Tex." He yelled out as he ran off. If Tex had a face underneath her helmet, she would smirk,

"Definitely my idiots." Tex muttered as she went back to exploring. Tucker got the container Wash wanted open and stepped back before taking a deep breath. He then charged at the container and slashed the container's doors open, all with a simple 'Swish!' Wash and Donut went inside and turned on their flashlights as they check around the container,

"What's in there?" Tucker asked as he used his sword as a torch. Wash shone his flashlight around the place and found… chairs. Fancy, wooden, velvet chairs. "Well, that sucks." Tucker said flatly before going to leave,

"Tucker, we still need you to open a few more containers." Wash said before he even went out the entrance. Tucker let out a long groan,

"Fine, but if Donut does anything funny while we're in there I'm outta here." The rest of Tucker's morning was spent opening locked containers. And so far they've found a year's worth of popcorn kernels, DVD players, something a woman wants when lonely, something a man wants when lonely, explosives, crappy video games, a lone Virtual Boy (instantly destroyed), T-Shirts with Moto-Cop on it and finally futanari porn which Donut was way too interested in, "Okay, I have to admit that last one was  _really_ fucked up."

"And what kind of scientist keeps all this stuff!?" Wash exclaimed as they walked back to the Director's room. They decided to at least bury the body outside. From what Carolina said before she disappeared, she didn't kill him and was pretty much a broken man when she arrived. He was just someone who grieved too long. They all grabbed a few bones, went outside and put them in a hole they had Donut dug up and dumped them in, "Um… want to… say some words? About the Director."

"Don't look at me. I'm a lover not a preacher." Tucker quickly said as stepped back,

"I'm not very good at eulogies, I barely even heard of the guy." Donut said as he stepped back as well. Wash sighed and looked at what was left of the Director,

"I guess I'm not good at things like this but I'd say he gave us everything we needed to make it all the way here, and I guess if I wasn't in the Project, I'd probably be a Blue instead." Wash admitted,

"So you're thanking the guy that was willing to sacrifice you and do his dirty work because you ended up with nothing but a messed up life, almost everyone trying to kill you, being the Leader of people that are supposed to die and so many betrayals that I'm surprised you haven't died yourself." Tucker said as he looked at the bones,

"My life isn't that bad." Wash responded, remember a few of the good times they had at Project, "At least I didn't become Caboose."

"Wha-?"

"Long story."

"I don't want to hear it." Tucker quickly said, "If we're done here, I'll be trying to stop Grif from eating our food supplies." Tucker then went off towards their Oreo stash. Donut just shrugged and went off to find the Reds. Wash sighed and grabbed the shovel. He was about to bury it when he saw something among the Director's bones. He reached down into the hole and grabbed it. It was a key with a chain through it, like it was a necklace. Wash wondered what it was for before he put it in a holster before he buried the body. He guessed that it was something from Project Freelancer or something like that. He threw the key on the table and went off to get some training in before noon.

**(With Caboose & Church)**

"Hi Church!"

"Get the fuck away from me."

"Okay!"

That's how Church & Caboose interact these days. Or any days really. But Caboose didn't really care. At least Church, the original Church, was back. Sure, he knew that Church is an A.I but who didn't say while they were younger that they wanted a robot as a best friend.

Caboose was exactly in that mind set for 24 years.

Anyway, after Church left to find a gun or a weapon he could use, Caboose decided that he should, "Ohh… shiny!" Caboose interrupted himself as he picked up a slightly rusted and dirty key, "I know what this thing is. It opens other things, like death. And Admiral Buttercrust said I had to put it in holes to do it. Now, where does this go?" Caboose started wandering around; trying to find something he could use the key for. Eventually, he ended up at the Director's room. He saw something on the underside of the table and saw that it was a drawer. When he found a very thin hole, he decided to use (what he called it) the magic stick. After a good hour trying to put the key in the hole, he finally did it.

And spent the next hour figuring out what to do after that.

"Oh…" Caboose said as he finally figure out to turn it. He pulled on the drawer and saw a plastic box with 4 weirdly coloured girls on them, "Ra-Ru-Rwab-Roak-Ryib-Ryue-Re-Rwam-Ras-Rwabbit…" Caboose tried to pronounce the title. He then spent another hour standing in the middle of the room trying to pronounce it, "…Ruck-Wham-Buller-Yak-Ribs-Ras, oh. Already said that. Ra-Ru-Rwab…"

"Caboose, what are you doing here? It's almost dinner." Grif said as he approached the Blue while eating some Oreos through his helmet. Turns out you don't even have to take off their helmet when they eat thanks to something developed during the Freelancer days. At least, that what Wash said, "C'mon, we found some orange juice!"

"I'm coming!" Caboose exclaimed as he ran towards the cafeteria, not noticing Grif was covered in everything that cannot be described and having his Protection Cone taped to his cod-plate with the words 'Suck it Grif' across his helmet. When Caboose found the Blue's table, he jumped into his chair. Literally.

*CRASH*

"You'd think it'll be inhumanely impossible to forget about how to sit down." Church said as he looked at where the chair used to be, "I stand corrected."

"You should've seen him on the ship. He spent like an hour trying to get through the security scanner." Tucker said as he laughed at the memory of seeing Caboose freaking out every time the scanner buzzed, even though he was going through a metal detector, "You should've seen him!" 'Well, technically he did.' Tucker added in his thoughts as he remembered Epsilon laughing his little head off while he was in Carolina's head,

"I missed it in the future? Damn it, I would've paid to see that!" 'You're going to miss a lot of things in the future, Church.' Wash thought as Caboose went to the table with a chair and sat down. While Caboose started throwing Oreos onto his helmet, Tucker saw the DVD on the table,

"What's this?" Tucker asked as he grabbed it,

"Oh! I found it in that room with the wall missing. It was under a table. It's called Rwabby." Caboose answered as he finally got a cookie in his mouth,

"Dude, that sounds totally…" Then he looked at the cover was instantly sold, "Awesome! Fuck it! MOVIE NIGHT BITCHES!" Tucker yelled out as he ran out of the cafeteria to find those DVD Players and chairs. While he was doing that, Wash looked at the title."

"'R.W.B.Y'? What the heck is a R.W.B.Y?"

**(A few minutes later)**

"It's pronounced 'Ruby', Grif." Simmons said while he was messing with some wires while the Reds, Blues & Freelancers got ready to see this movie. The Reds decided to watch since they, more specifically Sarge, saw the girl in red on the cover and automatically assumed that she was the leader. The Blues wanted to watch since they were interested on what Caboose found. The Freelancers just nothing to do and admitted they wouldn't mind watch a movie and relax, even if it looked like an anime. After a few more minutes, Simmons stood up and sat down on his chair, "Okay, I set up the DVD Player and TV to Sheila so we don't have to use a remote."

"Ah, the best way to watch a movie. Doing absolutely nothing but lay back and scratch your ass." Sarge said as he ate a bit of popcorn,

"Good enough for me." Grif said as he leaned back on his chair,

"Shut up, Grif."

"The movie hasn't even started!"

"Nah, I just wanted to say it. For old times sake."

"You think this will be a good one, Donut?" Doc asked the Pink Grenadier,

"Yeah! I loved anime as a kid and love Panchikikkuribon no Kishi!"

"I thought that was banned after that whole 'Groin Attacks are Good' thing." Tex said, having watched a little of the show herself,

"The manga still goes on."

"How did you find that movie anyway?" Tucker asked Caboose,

"I found it in a drawer under a table." The Rookie Blue answered, "I unlocked it with the magic stick."

"It's called a key, idiot." Church said with a groan, "Maybe I should've kept O'Malley in his head…" He muttered,

"Do you want to deal with an angry Caboose 24/7?" Wash asked rhetorically. Church shuddered, remembering the last time he'd seen Caboose get angry.

'Texas' A.I? Why did Omega end up with those idiots?' Carolina thought,

"Alright, is everyone ready?" Simmons said as he looked back. Everyone nodded, "Okay! Sheila, begin episode 1: Ruby Rose!"

"Beginning playback."

**(Ruby Rose)**

_Fade-in to the image of Beacon Academy._

**Narrator** : " _Legends. Stories scattered through time. Mankind has grown quite fond of recounting the exploits of heroes and villains, forgetting so easily that we are remnants, byproducts, of a forgotten past._ "

"You know, she kinda sounds… familiar." Tucker muttered, 'Sounds kinda hot too.'

_The gems in the image glow green and fade to show simple pictures of a man rising from the earth before being surrounded by creatures, barely held back by warriors._

**Narrator** : " _Man, born from dust, was strong, wise, and resourceful, but he was born into an unforgiving world. An inevitable darkness - creatures of destruction; the creatures of Grimm - set their sights on man and all of his creations. These forces clashed, and it seemed the darkness was intent on returning man's brief existence to the void._ "

"Humanity is in danger and almost extinct and they need a 'magic bullet' so they can fight back. Haven't I heard of this before." Wash said as he glanced at where the Director was when they landed here.

_Black sets in, then suddenly lessens as a light grows brighter and brighter until a gem rises from it and lowers itself into the hands of man._

**Narrator** : " _However, even the smallest spark of hope is enough to ignite change, and in time, man's passion, resourcefulness, and ingenuity led them to the tools that would help even the odds. This power was appropriately named Dust._ "

"Wait…" Simmons muttered, "They look like the crystals that sent us here!"

"Simmons, that's impossible." Grif said off-handily, "It's not like they're from another dimension or something. Anyway, I guess we can call that stuff Dust now. It's tiring saying purple crystals."

"Only you can be tired from saying two words." Sarge spoke up. Grif was about to say something but felt like it was too much effort.

_The scene zooms out to show men shooting lightning, raising swords, and aiming rifles at the retreating beasts as a castle appears behind them._

**Narrator** : " _Nature's wrath in hand, man lit their way through the darkness, and in the shadow's absence came strength, civilization, and most importantly, life._ "

"We get it! Hurry up already!" Grif exclaimed, only to get shushed.

_The castle zooms out to show the world map, which houses other buildings until they disappear in flashes of white and the map is lowered to show the scattering moon over a city at night._

**Narrator** : " _But even the most brilliant lights eventually flicker and die, and when they are gone... darkness will return._ "

"That actually sounds really dark." Tex muttered.

_Roman Torchwick and four of his henchmen head down an alley from the shadows. They stop behind Roman, who reignites his cigar without touching it and grins before walking down the road, frightening nearby citizens as they make their way towards the shop From Dust Till Dawn._

For some unexplained reason, Church felt a little pissed at that pun.

 **Narrator** : " _So you may prepare your guardians, build your monuments to a so-called 'free world', but take heed... there will be no victory in strength._ "

"Wasn't expecting that from something with hot girls on the cover." Tucker admitted, mostly to that blonde chick.

_Roman and his henchmen enter the shop, the camera lowering to a young girl wearing a red cloak in the corner of the shop, reading a weapons magazine._

**Ozpin (voice over)** : " _But perhaps victory is in the simpler things that you've long forgotten. Things that require a smaller, more honest soul._ "

"You mean that girl? She looks like fucking Red Riding Hood!" Church exclaimed, "I was half expecting her to get hunted down by wolves or something."

**(A few days later)**

"…"

"Oh shut the fuck up Tucker."

"…What?" (AN: Okay, maybe I will do the trailers but maybe as after story stuff)

**(Back to present)**

_The henchmen look around and at the Dust crystals in the display when Roman approaches the elderly shopkeeper._

**Roman** : ( _flicking his cigar_ ) "Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a Dust shop open this late?"

_One of the henchman points his gun at the shopkeeper._

"It's a robbery." Wash stated.

 **Shopkeeper** : ( _raising his hands_ ) "P-please! Just take my Lien and leave!"

 **Roman** : "Shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, calm down, we're not here for your money." ( _to the henchmen_ ) "Grab the Dust."

_A henchman opens a case and removes one of several cylinders, which the group uses to take Dust from the tube containers on the walls._

**Henchman 1** : ( _placing another open case on the display to the shopkeeper_ ) "Crystals. Burn. Uncut."

"I guess Dust is really expensive, and considering it can potentially give someone powers over the elements, I wouldn't be surprised." Tex said.

 _The shopkeeper proceeds to fill the case. As another henchman goes for another tube, he hears the muted_ This Will Be The Day _song from the girl's direction, and unsheathes his sword._

 **Henchman 2** : ( _pointing his sword at her back_ ) "Alright kid, put your hands where I can see 'em."( _No response_ ) "Hey, I said hands in the air! You got a death wish or something!?"

"I don't think the red girl can hear him." Caboose said.

_He goes over to her and turns her around, dropping to hood to reveal a surprised Ruby Rose is wearing headphones. He motions for her to lower them._

"Wait…" Tucker said as he grabbed the DVD case, "Hey, it's one of the chicks on the cover! Wait, what is she holding?" Tucker muttered that last part as it was too dark to see what she was holding.

 **Ruby** : ( _doing so_ ) "Yes?"

 **Henchman 2** : "I said, put your hands in the air, now!"

 **Ruby** : "Are you... robbing me?"

 **Henchman 2** : "Yes!"

 **Ruby** : "Ooohhh..."

"Well, that guy's fucked." Grif said like it was the most obvious thing in the world,

"What makes you so sure?" Church asked, curious about the Lazy Orange's statement,

"Let's just say I known an ass kicking when I see it." Grif responded before looking at Tex, remembering all the pain she (well, at least Epsilon Tex) dealt out. Mostly to his balls,

"What did I do?" Tex asked. Grif forgot that they paid Wash not to tell her about that incident. He changed it to 'Mostly destroying Grif's manhood while the other cheered her on.' Saying that it was realistic. Tex only heard Grif muttering about 'Next time I waste $100…'

_Roman is waiting for his men to finish the heist when a "Hey!" and "Hyah!" are heard, and the threatening henchman flies past him. Roman calmly motions for another to handle Ruby._

"Wait did she just,"

 **Henchman 1** : ( _raising his gun at her_ ) "Freeze!"

_Cut to outside the shop, when the henchman and Ruby crash through the window. The other men look outside as Ruby gets up and unfolds Crescent Rose into its scythe form. Roman scowls, but Ruby smiles back at them before twirling the weapon around, striking it into the ground and turning off her headphones._

Carolina didn't finish that sentence as everyone's jaws drop to the floor. They paused the video so they could recover. Simmons was the first on, "Suck it. Blue."

"Oh fuck you dude." Tucker said as he flipped the bird at the cyborg,

"I have to grudgingly admit but looks like you called that one Grif." Sarge chuckled,

"Thank you sir."

"I guess getting your ass kick by everyone but Church here sure pays off." (AN: First joke goes to Card-Golem!).

 **Roman** : "Okayyy..." ( _to his remaining henchmen_ ) "Get her!"

_The henchmen head out of the shop and run at Ruby, who spins around her scythe and kicks the first approaching criminal in the face. She gets Crescent Rose out of the ground and fires it off to hit another one with the butt of her weapon, sending him flying. She fires again and brings the side down on one attacker and dodges the next's gunfire with her rifle's speed, getting close enough to knock him into the air and follow him upwards so she can beat him away to Roman's feet._

"Didn't see that one coming! Bow Chicka Bow Wow." Tucker said,

"Shut it Blue!" Sarge said, "What would you call that? A scythe? A rifle? A Scy-ifle?"

"Didn't you ask the same thing about the Grifshot?" Grif pointed out,

"Shut it Numbnuts or I'll blast ya with my shotgun!"

"You don't  _have_ your shotgun! No one had their weapons! They got left behind in our time periods apart from Tucker's sword!"

"You have to say though, she's pretty good with that thing." Tex admitted, causing everyone in the room to look at her like she grew a second head, "What?"

"Did Tex, THE AGENT TEXAS OF PROJECT FREELANCER,  _praise_ someone!?" Church asked in disbelief, "Holy shit, it's the end of the world. Tucker, take my head. I want everyone to know that I'm better than them. I have a record of my song in my helmet that'll constantly replay when I die. Use it wisely." Then everyone stared at Church,

"You wrote a song?" Grif asked (AN: jgresidentevil everybody!)

 **Roman** : "You were worth every cent. Truly, you were." ( _To Ruby, dropping his cigar and crushing it with his cane as approaching police sirens are heard_ ) "Well Red, I think we can all say it's been an eventful evening, and as much as I'd love to stick around..." ( _Raises his cane and opens the bottom to reveal a rifle with a cross grid_ ) "...I'm afraid this is where we part ways."

"THAT'S A GUN!?" Church exclaimed, "Well, shit."

"Aren't you ignoring the fact that he's pointing at an INNOCENT LITTLE GIRL?" Doc exclaimed,

"Considering that she just took down at least 5 guys all older than her, I'm not particularly worried." Carolina admitted, actually impressed at the Red Hooded Girl's combat prowess. Especially with something that was supposed to be a gardening tool.

_Roman unleashes a red blast at Ruby, who fires at the ground and leaps over it. When she lands and looks up, Roman isn't there, and is climbing up a ladder on a nearby building._

"See, she's fine."

 **Ruby** : ( _to the on-looking shopkeeper_ ) "You okay if I go after him?"

_The shopkeeper gives a short "Uh huh", and Ruby sets off._

_Roman makes it to the roof, with Ruby high-flying again and landing right behind him._

**Ruby** : "Hey!"

 **Roman** : ( _stopping at the edge_ ) "Persistent..."

_Ruby readies to fight him, but a getaway Bullhead rises up and opens the hatch to allow Roman inside._

"That doesn't look like anything a petty criminal has." Tucker said as he saw the heli,

"What tipped you off, the fact that he had hired thugs with or the fact he has a fucking flying getaway vehicle!?" Church had to ask,

"I thought it was the helicopter." Donut spoke up,

"Shut up!"

 **Roman** : ( _turning around and holding up a red Dust gem_ ) "End of the line, Red."

"This won't end well." Simmons said.

_He throws it out at her feet and fires at her, resulting in a large explosion._

"SON OF A BITCH!" (Church)

"SON OF A BITCH!" (Grif)

"SON OF A BITCH!" (Tucker)

"SON OF A BITCH!" (Sarge)

"SON OF A BITCH!" (Doc)

"SON OF A BITCH!" (Simmons)

"SON OF A BITCH!" (Donut)

"SON OF BACON!" (3 tries to guess who said that) The Freelancers stayed quiet as they were horrified and disgusted by the man. They knew she would survive but this  _man_ was willing to kill someone. And now that they thought about it, she looked way younger than she was on the cover.

 **Roman** : "Whoa-ho-ho-ho!" ( _Stops laughing when he sees something on the roof_ ) "Huh?"

_A woman in a purple cape is now in front of Ruby, casting a circle of protection over them with her wand._

"Holy shit… I'm sold!" Tucker muttered as they stared at the woman, "I'd totally hit on her."

"For once in your life Tucker, stop being a pervert!" Church yelled out.

_As Ruby looks on, Glynda Goodwitch waves her weapon and summons several streaks of purple at the craft._

"Okay, I have to admit that was kinda awesome." Doc said, actually happy to see that she's using his armour colours.

_Roman is thrown around in the back until he goes to the cockpit, where a woman in red, her face unseen, is struggling with the controls._

**Roman** : "We got a Huntress!"

_The woman gets up and heads toward the back as Roman takes the controls._

"I guess that's who they call people who kill those… Creatures of Grimm." Wash guessed.

_Glynda glows purple for a moment and aims another blast above the craft, resulting in a dark storm-cloud right over the jet._

**Roman** : "The hell...?"

_With a flick of her wand, large jagged hail starts falling that pummels the jet and even breaks through the window, narrowly missing Roman's head._

"Yay! A magic show!" Caboose cheered. For the first time in history, the Red & Blue agreed that it was magic.

And it was fucking awesome.

'Fuck being a soldier, it allows me to do shit like that, sign me up.' Tucker thought as he glanced down at his weapon.

_The woman reaches the back and her arms and chest light up like fire, aiming a burst of energy at Glynda. The Huntress blocks it, but the flame splatters behind her and glows hot with the enemy's raised hand. Glynda back-flips out of the explosion, which destroys part of the roof, and magically gathers the shards to create a large arrow, which she throws at the craft. The fiery woman shatters the arrow with several blasts, but it reforms just in time to hit the side of the jet due to Roman's quick aerial lean. The wreckage separates and reshapes into more arrows that encircle the jet, but the woman summons several glowing rings around herself that expand and destroy the shards._

"This is getting ridiculous." Carolina muttered,

"It is an anime." Tex pointed out. Carolina could only glared at the black-armoured Freelancer before going back to the TV.

_Ruby, finally acting, reverts her scythe into its rifle form to fire at the woman, who blocks each shot and creates several blazing circles around her two opponents._

"She's actually pretty good with a sniper." Grif admitted until he realized something very important, "Church, a 15 year old girl is better than you at sniping."

There was a silence as Simmons quickly paused the video. Carolina was staring at the supposed Cobalt Sniper of the Blues of Blood Gulch. Everything was quiet.

Until everyone started laughing (Except Caboose & Carolina).

"I'm not that bad of a sniper!" Church yelled over the laughter,

"Ch-Church." Wash said between laughter, "B-But i-in the f-fu-future, you m-missed w-with a p-pistol wh-who was literally t-two feet in f-fr-front of you!" Then the Former Freelancer went back to laughing,

"O-Oh yeah! O-Oh my G-God that was hilarious!" Tucker said while he was rolling on the floor,

"Seriously!?" Tex asked before laughing even harder, "Oh shit, you're even worse in the future."

"Fine! I'm a bad shot! Now please stop!" Church growled. But it only caused the teams to laugh even more, "Okay, it's not that funny…"

"I'm better than you and I barely get the fucking sniper rifle! And you just got your sniping ass kicked by a girl!"

"My shotgun has a better accuracy!" Sarge exclaimed, 'Wish I could demonstrate it though.'

"Seriously, it's just an anime…"

"Who the fuck cares!" She's way younger than you and you can't shoot for shit!" Simmons responded. Church sighed angrily as he waited for the laughter to die down. A very long time. After what felt like forever, they continued the episode.

_Glynda telekinetically pushes Ruby and rolls herself out of the explosion's radius; looking up to see the hatch close and the craft fly away._

"Kind of expected since that woman can shoot fire and block bullets." Simmons muttered.

 **Ruby** : ( _looking at Glynda_ ) "You're a Huntress!" ( _Putting on a pleading, awe-stricken face_ ) "Can I have your autograph?!"

"Even after all that, she wants an autograph." Wash muttered as everyone face palmed, 'Though, I want an autograph myself after all of that.'

_The scene cuts to Ruby's amazed face turn to one of shame as Glynda, with a tablet computer, paces around the table Ruby is seated at, right underneath a bright light in the otherwise dark room._

"Didn't expect the Interrogation room." Grif said as he ate more popcorn, already on his third cone.

 **Glynda** : "I hope that you realize that your actions tonight will not be taken lightly, young lady. You put yourself and others in great danger."

"Oh my God…" Tex & Carolina muttered at the same time,

"Why do I have the sudden urge to use my cone again?" Grif asked as he was tempted to throw all the popcorn in his cone on the ground and use it as his shield again,

"Um, Church? Why does the Nice Lady on the TV sound like the Mean Lady?" Caboose whispered to Church. His response?

"Urgh, shut the fuck up Caboose." (AN: Chaos Lord Roscoso everyone!)

 **Ruby** : "They started it!"

 **Glynda** : "If it were up to me, you'd be sent home... With a pat on the back..." ( _She notices Ruby's smile_ ) "...And a slap on the wrist." ( _She demonstrates with her wand, which Ruby barely avoids as she gives out an "Eeek!_ ) "But... there is someone here who would like to meet you."

_She moves out of the way so a surprised Ruby can see a man in green come through the doorway, holding a mug and a plate of cookies._

**Ozpin** : "Ruby Rose..." ( _Leans in to look at her face_ ) "You... have silver eyes."

More eyes widened as they also recognized the man's voice, "Geez Wash, I didn't know you were a teacher. What do you teach, how to suck? Bow Chicka Bow Wow." Tucker said as he noticed the Washington-sounding character looking like a hipster teacher. Next thing the Aqua/Teal/Cyan/Who-the-fuck-cares armoured man knew was being pulled into a Full Nelson by Tex while Wash proceeded to grab the empty gun and look like he was going to pistol whip him,

"Yeah, it's called Shutting the Hell Up 101 while Tex here teaches Advanced Pain Theory at an Unbelievable Level. You want to take those classes? It comes with a Starter Package of a Pistol Whip and Numb Nuts." Tucker quickly understood and shook his head before he was dropped back onto his seat,

"That was pretty cheesy there, Wash." Carolina said to her team mate,

"It gets the job done, doesn't it?" (AN: Autistic-Grizzly people!)

 **Ruby** : "Uh, um..."

 **Ozpin** : "So! Where did you learn to do  _this_?" ( _Gesturing with his head at the tablet showing Ruby's fighting_ )

"They must really have good cameras." Donut said, impressed that the angles were up-close and personal.

 **Ruby** : "S-Signal Academy."

 **Ozpin** : "They taught you to use one of the most dangerous weapons ever designed?"

"They're more dangerous weapons than a scy-ifle!?" Grif exclaimed, "I feel ashamed of the Grifshot now."

"Best. Show. Ever." Sarge said as he looked at a depressed Grif,

"Of all time." Wash added in. Suddenly, he shivered, 'Why do I feel like someone's ripping me off?'

 **Ruby** : "Well, one teacher in particular."

 **Ozpin** : "I see..."

_He puts the cookies on the table in front of Ruby. She tentatively picks one up, eats it in a single bite, and then, not seeing any rebuttal, shovels the rest into her mouth._

"Oh God, she has a Caboose level of obsession of cookies." Church muttered with a groan.

 **Ozpin** : "It's just that I've only seen one other scythe-wielder of that skill before. A dusty, old crow..."

 **Ruby** : ( _mumbles through her full mouth_ ) "Mmmm! Thash muh unkul!"

"Hey, didn't you say that about what you see Japanese Movies as?" Tucker asked, remembering the conversation,

"C'mon! It all boils down to demons, giant robots and guys going 'Oh! That's my uncle! Hoooo... Revenge and honor, whaaaa…' And spiritual shit." Church retorted,

"That was the most racist thing you've ever said." Tucker said as he stared at his former leader, "Of all time."

'Wash must be rubbing off on them.' Carolina thought with a sweatdrop when she heard her friend's catchphrase.

 **Ruby:** ( _she then swallows and wipes her mouth, embarrassed_ ) "Sorry, that's my Uncle Qrow! He's a teacher at Signal. I was complete  _garbage_  before he took me under his wing. And now, I'm all like- Hooowaaah! Witchaaaa!" ( _proceeds to make some karate-style poses and noises_ )

"Or basically anything Japanese." Church muttered.

 **Ozpin** : "So I've noticed." ( _placing his cup on the table as he leans in, then sits down opposite Ruby_ ) "And what is an adorable girl such as yourself doing at a school designed to train warriors?"

"Wow. They really take hunting seriously." Carolina muttered, "Are these Grimm really that much of a threat even after they've discovered something that could return the favour?"

 **Ruby** : "Well... I want to be a Huntress."

 **Ozpin** : "You want to slay monsters?"

 **Ruby** : "Yeah! I only have two more years of training left at Signal! And then I'm going to apply to Beacon!" ( _talking faster and faster with her enthusiasm growing_ ) "You see, my sister's starting there this year, and she's trying to become a Huntress, and I'm trying to become a Huntress 'cause I wanna help people. My parents always taught us to help others, so I thought, 'Hey, I might as well make a career out of it!'" ( _giggles_ ) "I mean the police are alright, but Huntsmen and Huntresses are just so much more romantic and exciting and cool and really,  **gosh** , you know!" ( _flips out at the last part, staring at the two with a wide, crazy smile_ )

"She  _really_ wants to be a Huntress, doesn't she?" Doc said,

"And she thinks it's a big fairy tale." Carolina pointed out, "The real world isn't much of a fairy tale and I don't think that one is either."

_Glynda and Ozpin study her._

**Ozpin** : "Do you know who I am?"

 **Ruby** : "You're Professor Ozpin. You're the headmaster at Beacon."

Tucker didn't bother to even mention about Wash's promotion from teacher to headmaster, "That was unexpected." Simmons admitted.

 **Ozpin** : ( _smiling_ ) "Hello."

 **Ruby** : "Nice to meet you."

 **Ozpin** : "You want to come to my school?"

 **Ruby** : "More than anything."

 **Ozpin** : ( _exchanging glances with Glynda, who shows her disapproval with a "Hmmph" before he turns back to Ruby_ ) "Well okay."

"Wait, WHAT!?"

"I wish getting into a school was that easy." Donut muttered.

_Ruby smiles, wide-eyed and open-mouthed._

_The scene changes again as Yang Xiao Long tackles her sister in a hug aboard the large airship to Beacon, crushing the air out of her._

"Holy shit, she's hot!" Tucker said,

"Shut the hell up with calling every girl you see hot! It's an anime! They're not real!" Church exclaimed, "And why do I feel like she should be spouting out puns in a few seconds!?"

 **Yang** : "Oh, I can't believe my baby sister is going to Beacon with me! This is the best day ever!"

"They don't really look the same." Doc said, "They could be half-sisters or adopted."

 **Ruby** : ( _gasping_ ) "Please stop."

 **Yang** : ( _releasing her sister_ ) "But I'm so proud of you!"

"Boobs." Tucker said while he drooled a little.

 **Ruby** : "Really Sis, it was nothing."

 **Yang** : "What do you mean? It was incredible! Everyone at Beacon is going to think you're the bee's knees."

"Who the fuck says that these days?" Tex muttered.

 **Ruby** : "I don't want to be the 'bee's knees', okay? I don't want to be any kind of knees! I just want to be a normal girl with normal knees."

 **Yang** : "What's with you? Aren't you excited?"

 **Ruby** : "Of course I'm excited... I just..." ( _sighing_ ) "I got moved ahead  _two years_. I don't want people to think I'm special or anything."

 **Yang** : ( _going over and giving her sister a one-armed hug_ ) "But you  _are_  special."

"If that's special, I wonder what normal is." Donut muttered.

_The girls' attention is drawn to the 2-D animated newscast on Vale News Network playing nearby, talking about the robbery and showing Roman's mug shot._

**Cyril** : "The robbery was led by nefarious criminal Roman Torchwick, who continues to evade authorities. If you have any information on his whereabouts, please contact the Vale Police Department. Back to you Lisa."

"And of course it turns out that the guy Ruby fought off is on the Most Wanted list." Grif said, knowing a few anime tropes, "What a world."

_The mug shot changes to Lisa Lavender, with photos of animal-eared demonstrators holding signs saying "WE ARE NOT ANIMALS!" followed by the logo of a growling red wolf's head with three scratch marks._

"That isn't menacing." Simmons said sarcastically,

"That's because it's written in blood red, and everyone knows to fear the colour red." Sarge pointed out in his own logic,

"But I thought I should fear the colour black." Caboose spoke up, "That's why I'm scared of Coke Zero!"

 **Lisa** : "Thank you, Cyril. In other news, this Saturday's Faunus Civil Rights protest turned dark when members of the White Fang disrupted the ceremony. The once peaceful organization has now disrupted..."

"Violent Furries? Seriously?" Church said,

"'I don't think the White Fang wasn't that peaceful to begin with." Tex muttered.

_The news feed is cut off as a hologram of Glynda replaces it._

**Glynda** : "Hello, and welcome to Beacon!"

 **Yang** : "Who's that?"

 **Glynda** : "My name is Glynda Goodwitch."

 **Yang** : "Oh."

"That was freakishly time well." Grif muttered.

 **Glynda** : "You are among a privileged few who have received the honor of being selected to attend this prestigious academy! Our world is experiencing an incredible time of peace, and as future Huntsmen and Huntresses, it is your duty to uphold it. You have demonstrated the courage needed for such a task, and now it is our turn to provide you with the knowledge and the training to protect our world." ( _disappears_ )

 **Ruby** : ( _among several other cries of surprise_ ) "Oh, wow! Look, you can see Signal from up here!" ( _Ruby and other students look through the glass walls at the town below_ )

"Psh… I've seen bigger." Carolina said off-handily.

 **Ruby:** "I guess home isn't too far after all!"

 **Yang** : "Beacon's our home, now."

_The two hear a passenger groaning and hunched over nearby, running to the back of the ship._

"I guess airships aren't always the best way to travel." Doc said,

"You said it." The Reds & Blues said in unison.

 **Yang** : "Well... I guess the view isn't for everyone." ( _rolls her eyes_ )

 **Ruby** : "It was a nice moment while it lasted."

_The ship is seen approaching Beacon across a large body of water._

"Where did they get the budget for all those ships?" Simmons asked. He didn't get an answer apart from 'It's an anime!'

 **Ruby (voice over)** : "I wonder who we're gonna meet!"

 **Yang (voice over)** : "Ugh, I just hope they're better than Vomit Boy."

 **Ruby (voice over)** : "Oh, Yang, gross! You have puke on your shoe!"

"Karma, bitch!" Tucker exclaimed. When they heard the two females in the room growl, he sat back down and made sure he had some painkillers on him.

 **Yang (voice over)** : "Gross, gross, gross, gross, gross, gross, gross, gross!"

 **Ruby (voice over)** : "Get-Get away! Get away from me! Get away from me! Get away from me! Get away from me!"

_The scene fades to black. The theme song plays._

After the theme song finished, the Reds, Blues & Freelancers sat there for a good few minutes before Tucker said something that'll change who they were, as well as change everything around them.

"So… next episode?"


	4. First Day Blues (The Shining Beacon)

"So… next episode?" Tucker asked. To be honest, he was actually pretty interested in the show, even if it didn't have hot girls. And when he saw Ruby's Scy-ifle, he couldn't help but imagine Church wielding one, since with all the repeated deaths and his main weapon. And he would be the worst Hunter ever. Of all time,

"Sure, why not? We have plenty of time to get through the whole season even." Simmons said, "And I am pretty interested on what other weapons they have."

"Dude, you just want to make your own, don't you?" Grif guessed, which Simmons replied with sheepishly rubbing the back of his helmet, "C'mon dude! Our weapons are fine."

"That's because you had the Grifshot and you were too lazy to get another one."

"Grifshot?" Carolina asked, "What's that?"

"Oh baby, it's a motherfucking kni-fle and it will fucking destroy you." Grif explained before sighing sadly. They took it away because it was a stolen UNSC prototype the "Innies" had gotten before it landed in Project Freelancer's, and mainly the Meta's, hands. Carolina raised an eyebrow. The only cross-weapon she's seen in real life was Maine's Grenade Launcher. Tex was wondering how Grif got a weapon like that, since Wash only explained what happened when they crashed on Chorus. And speaking of Wash, he couldn't help but smile a little on how they, well, mostly the Reds & Blues, beat his former friend. But in the back of his mind, he couldn't help but have a feeling that the Meta wasn't going down that easily, but it was a 30km drop to either the freezing ocean or a piece of ice. Either way, he was sure he was dead. At least, he hoped,

"How did you get one Grif? I thought you were too lazy to pick a different weapon." Church asked,

"Oh, I ripped it from the cold dead hands of-"

"No you didn't numbnuts!" Sarge yelled out, "You stole it off its back when it was being dragged away off a cliff."

"It?" Tex, Church and Carolina repeated,

"That Meta, he was one hell of a bitch to kill!"

"Who's the Meta?" Suddenly, the Reds & Blues froze, with Sarge grumbling to himself for blowing it,

"The Meta… let's just say someone you don't want to mess with." Wash explained,

"Then why did you call it an 'It'?" Tex asked, genuinely curious. Washington sighed,

"He was too far gone to be called a human anymore." This shocked the unknowing people in the room. Carolina couldn't comprehend someone going so deep into insanity that he wouldn't be considered human anymore. It was sick. Tex didn't bother about thinking about it since she wasn't exactly human herself. Church reacted the best though,

"Bullshit!"

"It's true! I even stabbed him!" Tucker exclaimed, "I was like, SWISH SWISH STAB! Right through the chest!"

"I know we've been through a lot of shit and so does future me, but I find it fucking hard to believe that you guys beat someone who was practically a monster."

"Well son, we're full of surprises." Sarge chuckled, remembering all their achievements,

"Yeah, like Sarge leading an official military operation and Tucker becoming an ambassador and hero of an entire alien race!" Doc spoke up,

"I find those hard to believe." Tex said,

"Well, remember Junior?" Tucker asked,

"Your kid? Yeah, I sent him away before my ship crashed."

"Well, we became ambassadors to help make a relationship with the aliens and humans after the whole Covenant War was over."

"You had a kid?" Carolina asked,

"It's a long story."

"No it's not." Caboose said, "Crunchbite turned out to be a woman and infected Tucker with a parasitic embryo and got Tucker pregnant! And then Church helped me read a book on babies!" Carolina now wanted this conversation to end now,

"I get it, you're 'Heroes'," Carolina said with quotes up, annoying Simmons slightly, "So can we get back to watching. F.I.L.L.I.S, start the next episode."

"I am sorry Agent Carolina, but I only respond to the voice of Master Simmons to perform any action." F.I.L.L.I.S said,

"'Master Simmons'? Really?" Grif asked with a raised eyebrow,

"Oh shut up." Simmons muttered angrily before saying, "Alright Shelia, play Episode 2 & 3, The Shining Beacon Part 1 & 2!"

"Beginning playback."

**(The Shining Beacon Part 1)**

_The opening ends to a view of several ships carrying students and docking at the entrance of the school. As soon as one lands, Jaune Arc emerges and goes over to the nearest trash can, hunching over it as he loses his lunch._

"So… that's a future Hunter." Tucker said, "Well, that place is screwed!"

_Ruby and Yang, alongside several other students, walk out of the ship and head down the paved path to the front of the school._

**Ruby and Yang** : ( _as they take in the entirety of Beacon Academy_ ) "Wow..."

"That place is a freaking castle!" Grif exclaimed, "It's like Hogwarts!"

"Nerd." Simmons snickered,

"Oh, fuck you dude." Grif responded while he flipped the bird at him,

"Grif, Hogwarts is filled with magic and shit. That there Beacon Academy is full of blood! And bullets! It's like Hogwarts 3.0!" Sarge said,

"Shut up about Harry Potter and watch!" Church yelled at them.

 **Yang** : "The view from Vale's got nothing on this!"

 **Ruby** : ( _getting so excited she becomes a 2-D, starry-eyed, floating chibi_ ) "Ohmygosh, sis! That kid's got a collapsible staff! And she's got a fire sword!" ( _she tries getting closer, but Yang pulls her sister by the hood back into realistic proportions_ ) "Ow! Ooww!"

"Just when things can't get any weirder." Carolina muttered.

 **Yang** : "Easy there, little sister. They're just weapons!"

 **Ruby** : "'Just weapons'? They're an extension of ourselves! They're a part of us! Oh, they're so  _cool_!"

"You said it, Red." Sarge said as he reached for his shotgun, only to find it missing, "God damn it. I blame Grif." He muttered as he crossed his arms.

 **Yang** : "Well, why can't you swoon over your own weapon? Aren't you happy with it?"

 **Ruby** : ( _transforming her weapon into its scythe form_ ) "Of course I'm happy with Crescent Rose! I just really like seeing new ones. It's like meeting new people, but better..."

"She must be one lonely girl." Donut said, "She needs a friend, and if she was real, I'll be glad to fill in that hole for her." The Reds, Blues & Wash hoped there was a container full of duct tape somewhere.

 **Yang** : ( _playfully pushing her sister's hood down_ ) "Ruby, come on, why don't you go try and make some friends of your own?"

 **Ruby** : ( _taking off her hood_ ) "But... why would I need friends if I have you?"

 **Yang** : "Well..." ( _in a flash, a group of other students surround Yang and they all dash down the road_ ) "Actually, my friends are here. Gotta go catch up. 'Kay, c'ya, bye."

"That was quick." Tex said, kinda impressed how many friends she make in a small amount of time,

 **Ruby** : ( _spinning and dizzy-eyed from Yang's sudden leaving_ ) "Wait, where are you going?! Are we supposed to go to our dorms? Where are our dorms? Do we have dorms?" ( _stopping for a moment, still reeling_ ) "I don't know what I'm doing..."

_Ruby falls backwards into a luggage cart, sending cases flying. Someone is standing over her._

**Weiss** : "What are you doing?!"

"Bitch alert!" Tucker exclaimed before Tex whacked the back of his helmet,

"Tucker! We don't even know who she is!" Tex pointed out,

"Hey, I can see a bitch a mile away. You for example." Tucker quickly dodged a punch from Tex after that comment.

 **Ruby** : ( _getting up on her hands_ ) "Uh, sorry!"

 **Weiss** : "Sorry?! Do you have any idea of the damage you could have caused?"

"Hey! It's another girl from the cover!" Donut pointed out, "She looks a lot less bitchy on the cover."

"Why does she have a scar?" Wash asked.

 **Ruby** : ( _holding a case_ ) "Uuhhh..."

 **Weiss** : "Give me that!" ( _she snatches the luggage from Ruby and opening it to reveal its twinkling-sounding contents_ ) "This is  _Dust_  - mined and purified from the Schnee quarry!"

Tucker snickered while he looked at Tex while the black armoured woman growled, 'Serves you right, bitch.' Carolina thought as she held back a bit of laughter.

 **Ruby** : "Uuuhhhh..."

 **Weiss** : "What are you, brain-dead?" ( _Holding out a vial of red Dust and shutting the case_ ) " **Dust**! Fire, water, lightning, energy!"

 **Ruby** : "I... I know..." ( _starts coughing from the Dust pouring into her face_ )

"I don't think she knows the damage she's about to cause." Doc said, "This could end badly."

 **Weiss** : "Are you even listening to me? Is any of this sinking in? What have you got to say for yourself?!"

_Ruby, who had been receiving more and more Dust to her face, finally sneezes, which erupts into a full-blown explosion of flame, snowflakes, and electricity right onto Weiss._

"Holy shit, we found the female version of Church!" Tucker exclaimed,

"What?" Church asked, "I never act like that." Everyone just stared at him, "Okay, maybe a little." Everyone was still staring at him, "I fucking hate you all."

"There we go." Wash said (AN: From Hazzamo!).

_The bottle she had been holding flies over the courtyard and at the feet of Blake Belladonna, who picks it up and notices the Schnee Dust Company logo on the side as she reads from a book and looks over at the scene._

"And that's the last one." Tucker said as he looked at the cover and squinted, "Hey, that on here kinda look like cat ears."

"I hope she isn't spiky." Caboose said.

 **Weiss** : ( _now covered in soot, though it quickly disappears_ ) "Unbelievable! This is exactly the kind of thing I was talking about!"

 **Ruby** : ( _apologetic and embarrassed_ ) "I'm really,  _really_  sorry!"

 **Weiss** : "Ugh, you complete  _dolt_! What are you even  _doing_  here? Aren't you a little young to be attending "Beacon?"

"Hey, c'mon! Give her a chance. She apologized." Tex said, surprising the others, "What? From her skill she deserves to be there."

 **Ruby** : "Well, I-I..."

 **Weiss** : "This isn't your ordinary combat school. It's not just sparring and practice, you know! We're here to fight  _monsters_ , so... watch where you're going!"

 **Ruby** : ( _finally fed up_ ) "Hey, I said I was sorry, princess!"

"Cat Fight!" Tucker exclaimed happily, not seeing the on-coming cone to his head, which Tex stole from Grif.

 **Blake** : ( _off screen, entering the conversation_ ) "It's heiress, actually."

"Still a tsuadere to me." Donut muttered, "Hopefully, she gets better."

 **Blake:** ( _Ruby and Weiss look over as Blake approaches with the bottle_ ) "Weiss Schnee, heiress to the Schnee Dust Company. One of the largest producers of energy propellant in the world."

"Isn't that German for White Snow?" Simmons asked, "You know, so far the girls look like if a fairy tale was an anime. Ruby's Red Riding Hood, Weiss is Snow White and Yang is Goldilocks."

"But what about the girl in black." Church asked his replacement,

"I dunno." Simmons answered as he shrugged.

 **Weiss** : ( _smiling smugly_ ) "Finally! Some recognition!"

 **Blake** : "The same company infamous for its controversial labor forces and questionable business partners."

"Ain't so pure of a princess huh?" Sarge said.

 **Weiss** : ( _getting angry again as Ruby chuckles_ ) "Wha- How dare you- The nerve of... Ugh!" ( _gets up in Blake's face and takes the bottle from her, walking off in a huff as her helpers gather the luggage and follow_ )

 **Ruby** : ( _to the storming Weiss, still sorry_ ) "I promise I'll make this up to you!" ( _sighs_ ) "I guess I'm not the only one having a rough first day... So, what's..." ( _sees Blake walking off as well, then collapses to the ground on her back_ ) "Welcome to Beacon..." ( _she remains this way until a shadow comes over her_ )

 **Jaune** : ( _holding out his hand_ ) "Hey... I'm Jaune."

"Hey, it's Vomit Boy!" Tucker exclaimed.

 **Ruby** : ( _taking his hand_ ) "Ruby." ( _stands up_ ) "Aren't you the guy that threw up on the ship?"

_Beacon inside the walls are filled with scenic trees, arching architecture, and a winding road alongside a river, which Ruby and Jaune are walking down._

**Jaune** : "All I'm saying is that motion sickness is a much more common problem than people let on!"

 **Ruby** : ( _laughing_ ) "Look, I'm sorry! Vomit Boy was the first thing that came to mind."

 **Jaune** : "Oh, yeah? What if I called you Crater Face?"

 **Ruby** : "Hey, that explosion was an accident!"

"Caused by an idiot heiress." Carolina muttered quietly.

 **Jaune** : "Well, the name's Jaune Arc! Short, sweet, rolls off the tongue - ladies love it!"

Everyone all looked at Tucker, "Oh, fuck you!"

 **Ruby** : ( _skeptic_ ) "Do they?"

 **Jaune** : "They will! Well, I-I hope they will. My mom always says that... Never mind."

 **Ruby** : ( _giggles before a short, awkward silence falls_ ) "So... I got this thing!" ( _she pulls out Crescent Rose and stabs it into the ground_ )

"She didn't have to stab it in the ground. Someone has to repair that." Doc said.

 **Jaune** : "Whoa! Is that a scythe?"

 **Ruby** : "It's also a customizable high-impact sniper rifle!"

 **Jaune** : "A-wha...?"

 **Ruby** (& Simmons): ( _cocks it, smiling_ ) "It's also a gun."

"Wow, Simmons." Grif said, "Just wow."

 **Jaune** : "Oh. That's cool!"

 **Ruby** : "So what've you got?"

 **Jaune** : "Oh! I, uh..." ( _unsheathes a blade_ ) "I got this sword!"

"Oh come on!" Tucker exclaimed,

"He's like your twin!" Caboose exclaimed, "Except he's not black!"

"You're black?" Carolina asked,

"We are  _not_  starting this again." Tucker muttered, "I've already done it with Church."

 **Ruby** : "Ooooohh!"

 **Jaune** : "Yeah, and I've got a shield, too!" ( _he gets his scabbard, raises his arm and expands the metal into his defense_ )

"Practical, but can he use it with skill?" Tex asked.

 **Ruby** : ( _touching the shield_ ) "So, what do they do?"

 **Jaune** : ( _fumbling with the shield as it retracts off his arm, expands, and retracts again before putting it back in place and finally shrinking it down for good, placing it on his belt_ ) "The shield gets smaller, so when I get tired of carrying it, I can just... put it away..."

 **Ruby** : "But... wouldn't it weigh the same?"

 **Jaune** : ( _dejectedly_ ) "Yeah, it does..."

They all snickered at that line.

 **Ruby** : ( _giggling_ ) "Well, I'm kind of a dork when it comes to weapons, so I guess I did go a little overboard when designing it."

"SHE MADE THAT!?" Everyone exclaimed,

"You know, that actually makes sense somewhat." Wash muttered.

 **Jaune** : "Wait - you  _made_  that?!"

 **Ruby** : "Of course! All students at Signal forge their own weapons! Didn't you make yours?"

 **Jaune** : "It's a hand-me-down. My great-great-grandfather used it to fight in the war."

 **Ruby** : "Sounds more like a family heirloom to me!" ( _laughs_ ) "Well, I like it! Not many people have an appreciation for the classics these days."

"Says the Grim Reaping Sniper Girl." Grif said.

 **Jaune** : ( _sheathing his sword_ ) "Yeah, the classics…"

 **Ruby** : ( _moving on again_ ) "So why'd you help me out back there? In the courtyard?"

 **Jaune** : ( _walking alongside her_ ) "Eh, why not? My mom always says, 'strangers are just friends you haven't met yet'."

Carolina sighed at that. She missed her mother. Actually, she didn't have much of a childhood either. Or a father. Actually, now that she thought about it, she missed out on a lot of things.

 **Ruby** : "Hmm." ( _looks around_ ) "Hey, where are we going?"

 **Jaune** : "Oh, I don't know! I was following you." ( _as the scene fades to black_ ) "Y-You think there might be a directory? Maybe a food court? Some kind of recognizable landmark? Is, uh... Is that a 'no'?"

 **Ruby** : ( _laughing_ ) "That's a 'no'."

_The ending credits play._

"Episode 2 done." Shelia declared, "I recommend taking a break between episodes to discuss the events."

"What events?" Tucker asked, "Weiss is a bitch, Jaune is the dumb loveable guy, Beacon is a castle and we all saw the girls on the cover. Hurry up and start the next god damn episode!"

"I am sorry, bu-"

"Shelia, play the next part." Simmons interrupted the A.I,

"Certainly. Beginning playback."

**-(Part 2)-**

_The opening ends to an aerial view of Ruby and Jaune entering Beacon Academy's giant auditorium, filled to the brim with people. Ruby looks over when she hears Yang's voice._

**Yang (off screen)** : ( _waving_ ) "Ruby! Over here! I saved you a spot!"

 **Ruby** : ( _to Jaune_ ) "Oh! Hey, I-I gotta go! See you after the ceremony!" ( _leaves_ )

 **Jaune** : "Hey, wait!" ( _sighs_ ) "Ah, great. Where am I supposed to find another nice, quirky girl to talk to?!" ( _he moves on to reveal a girl with long red hair behind him_ )

"Found her!" Donut exclaimed, "I like her outfit. Loving the Roman-Warrior style."

 **Yang** : ( _once Ruby joins her, arms crossed_ ) "How's your first day going, little sister?"

 **Ruby** : "You mean since you  _ditched_  me and I  _exploded_?"

 **Yang** : "Yikes; meltdown already?"

"Believe it." Tex muttered,

"We watched it happen." Church said,

"And Weiss reacted badly." Simmons finished off,

'What the hell was with that? React, Watch, Believe? Yikes.' Grif thought.

 **Ruby** : "No, I  _literally_  exploded a hole in front of the school! And there was some fire, and I think some ice...?"

"And a bit of lightning thrown in there." Church said.

 **Yang** : ( _smiling broadly_ ) "Are you being sarcastic?"

 **Ruby** : ( _scoffs as the camera pans around to reveal Weiss right next to her_ )

"Well, this will be awkward in a few seconds." Doc said.

 **Ruby:** "I wish! I tripped over some crabby girl's luggage, and then she yelled at me, and then I sneezed, and then I  **exploded** , and then she yelled at me again, and I felt really,  _really_  bad, and I just wanted her to stop yelling at me!"

 **Weiss** : " **You!** "

 **Ruby** : ( _quickly jumping into her sister's arms_ ) "Oh, God, it's happening again!"

"Like from Scooby-Doo!" Grif said,

"That show sucks." Church said,

"You suck."

"No, you suck."

"No, you suck."

"No, you suck."

"No, you suck."

"No, you suck."

"SHUT UP!" Carolina yelled out, "You both suck equally."

 **Weiss** : "You're lucky we weren't blown off the side of the cliff!"

 **Yang** : "Oh, my God, you really exploded..."

 **Ruby** : "It was an accident." ( _getting down; to Weiss_ ) "It was an accident!" ( _Weiss holds up a pamphlet titled "DUST for dummies and other Inadequate Individuals" to Ruby_ ) "What's this?"

 **Weiss** : ( _listing off policies to a clueless and horrified Ruby, going faster and higher pitched with each word_ ) "The Schnee Dust Company is not responsible for any injuries or damages sustained while operating a Schnee Dust Company product. Although not mandatory, the Schnee Family highly encourages customers to read and familiarize themselves with this easy to follow guide to Dust applications and practices in the field."

"Did she just do a TV disclaimer in 'real life'?" Simmons asked rhetorically,

"She is one professional, bitchy heiress." Tucker said.

 **Ruby** : "Uuhhh...?"

 **Weiss** : "You really wanna start making things up to me?"

 **Ruby** : "Absolutely?"

 **Weiss** : ( _handing the pamphlet to Ruby_ ) "Read this, and don't ever speak to me again."

"Kinda expected that." Tex muttered.

 **Yang** : "Look, uh, it sounds like you two just got off on the wrong foot. Why don't you start over and try to be friends, okay?"

 **Ruby** : ( _putting the pamphlet away_ ) "Yeah! Great idea, sis!" ( _holding out her hand as she clears her throat_ ) "Hello, Weiss! I'm Ruby! Wanna hang out? We can go shopping for school supplies!"

 **Weiss** : ( _seemingly enthusiastic_ ) "Yeah! And we can paint our nails and try on clothes and talk about cute boys, like tall, blonde, and  _scraggly_  over there!" ( _Jaune, in the background, picks up on the mention_ )

 **Ruby** : "Wow, really?!"

"You know she's faking it." Carolina said,

 **Weiss** : ( _dead silence under her glare_ ) "No."

"Kinda obvious." Grif said for the Reds & Blues.

_The girls' attention is drawn to the stage, where Professor Ozpin is readying the microphone, with Glynda beside him._

**Ozpin** : "I'll... keep this brief. You have traveled here today in search of knowledge - to hone your craft and acquire new skills, and when you have finished, you plan to dedicate your life to the protection of the people. But I look amongst you, and all I see is wasted energy, in need of purpose, direction." ( _as the students whisper among themselves_ )

Carolina & Wash couldn't help but be reminded of basic before being recruited into being Freelancers. It was eerily similar.

 **Ozpin:** "You assume knowledge will free you of this, but your time at this school will prove that knowledge can only carry you so far. It is up to you to take the first step."

"You have to learn by yourself, and the school is only there just to help you." Tex summed it up.

 **Glynda** : ( _as Ozpin leaves, she steps up to talk_ ) "You will gather in the ballroom tonight; tomorrow, your initiation begins. Be ready. You are dismissed."

 **Yang** : "He seemed kind of... off."

 **Ruby** : "It's almost like he wasn't even there."

"Maybe he didn't get his coffee." Grif joked.

 **Jaune** : ( _approaching Weiss from the side_ ) "I'm a natural blonde, you know!"

_Weiss puts her hand to her face in exasperation._

Everyone just face palmed at Jaune's "attempt" at hitting on Weiss.

_The first night at Beacon, students are splayed out in sleeping bags. Ruby, in her pajamas and with a sleeping mask around her head, is writing in a journal when Yang crashes next to her, similarly dressed._

**Yang** : "It's like a big slumber party!"

 **Ruby** : ( _not looking up_ ) "I don't think Dad would approve of all the boys, though."

 **Yang** : "I know  **I**  do!" ( _purrs as she watches several muscular, shirtless guys... and Jaune, dressed in feetie pajamas, waving to her, which makes her groan before she returns her attention to Ruby_ )

"Real manly there." Tucker muttered.

 **Yang:** "What's that?"

 **Ruby** : "Oh, just a letter to the gang back at Signal. I promised to tell them all about Beacon and how things are going."

 **Yang** : "Aw, that's so  **cuuuute**!" ( _Knocked back as a pillow is launched at her face_ )

 **Ruby** : "Shut up! I didn't get to take my friends with me to school! It's weird not knowing anyone here!"

 **Yang** : "What about Jaune? He's... nice! There you go! Plus one friend! That's a hundred percent increase!"

 **Ruby** : ( _turning on her back_ ) "Pretty sure Weiss counts as a negative friend. Back to zero..."

 **Yang** : "There's no such things as negative friends! You just made one friend and one enemy!" ( _hit with another pillow, this time looking like a dog, to the face_ )

"She is not making the situation better, isn't she?" Doc stated.

 **Yang:** "Look, it's only been one day. Trust me; you've got friends all around you! You just haven't met them yet!"

_The two sisters notice a candle being lighted nearby, and Blake Belladonna is seen leaning against a wall, reading her book._

"I think she already met one." Donut said,

"Why is she still wearing a bow?" Wash asked,

"Hey, remember those violent furries on the news on the first episode?" Church asked, "Well, maybe she's one of them."

"And she is hiding her identity to hide from them since she left!" Caboose finished, "She is really a cat in a person costume!"

"You know, apart from that last part, I agree." Simmons said.

 **Ruby** : "That girl..."

 **Yang** : "You know her?"

 **Ruby** : "Not really. She saw what happened this morning, but left before I could say anything."

 **Yang** : "Well, now's your chance!" ( _Grabs Ruby's arm and lifts her up_ )

 **Ruby** : "Wait! What are you doing?!"

_Blake looks over her book to see Ruby unsuccessfully struggling against Yang's grip as she leads her sister over to Blake's spot before letting go._

**Yang** : ( _singing_ ) "Hel-looooo! I believe you two may know each other?"

"She is overly cheery, isn't she?" Grif stated.

 **Blake** : "Aren't you... that girl that exploded?"

"She's going to be known for that incident for a long time." Simmons said. He could help but snicker at the fact she was called Crater Face.

 **Ruby** : "Uh, yeah! My name's Ruby! But you can just call me Crater..." ( _smiles, embarrassed_ ) "Actually, you can just call me Ruby."

 **Blake** : ( _back in her book_ ) "Okay."

 **Yang** : ( _whispering to Ruby_ ) "What are you doing?"

 **Ruby** : ( _whispering back_ ) "I don't know -  **help me**!" ( _goes back to smiling_ )

 **Yang** : "So... What's your name?"

 **Blake** : ( _sighing as she's distracted yet again_ ) "Blake."

"They're really pushing for colour-coordination." Tex muttered.

 **Yang** : "Well, Blake, I'm Yang, Ruby's older sister! I like your bow!"

 **Blake** : ( _irritated_ ) "Thanks!"

 **Yang** : "It goes great with your... pajamas!"

 **Blake** : "Right..."

"She doesn't care." Carolina said, "Stop annoying her."

 **Yang** : ( _as Ruby laughs uncomfortably_ ) "Nice night, don't you think?"

 **Blake** : "Yes - it's lovely! Almost as lovely as this book!" ( _Ruby and Yang stand there_ ) "That I will continue to read." ( _Ruby and Yang continue standing_ ) "As soon as you leave!"

"Aren't they slow." Grif muttered.

 **Yang** : ( _to Ruby_ ) "Yeah, this girl's a lost cause."

 **Ruby** : ( _to Blake_ ) "What's it about?"

 **Blake** : ( _surprised_ ) "Huh?"

 **Ruby** : "Your book. Does it have a name?"

 **Blake** : "Well... i-it's about a man with two souls, each fighting for control over his body."

"The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde." Simmons said, causing some raised eyebrows, "That's the name of Blake's book."

"Only you would know that." Grif said.

 **Yang** : ( _sarcastically_ ) "Oh, yeah... That's real lovely!"

 **Ruby** : "I love books. Yang used to read to me every night before bed. Stories of heroes and monsters... They're one of the reasons I want to be a Huntress!"

 **Blake** : ( _laughing a little_ ) "And why is that? Hoping you'll live happily ever after?"

 **Ruby** : "Well, I'm hoping we all will. As a girl, I wanted to be just like those heroes in the books... Someone who fought for what was right, and protected people who couldn't protect themselves!"

"That actually very noble of her." Wash said, 'A lot more noble than the Director's.'

 **Blake** : "That's... very ambitious for a child." ( _her smile turns into a frown_ ) "Unfortunately, the real world isn't the same as a fairy tale."

 **Ruby** : "Well, that's why we're here! To make it better."

 **Yang** : "Oh, I am so proud of my baby sister!" ( _hugs Ruby into the air_ )

 **Ruby** : ( _kicking out_ ) "Cut it out!" ( _the forced sisterly bonding evolves into a dust cloud of fighting limbs and flying stars_ )

"Aw…" Tucker groaned, "I wanted to see it."

"Tucker, stop being perverted for once! They're freaking teenagers!" Church yelled at him.

 **Blake** : ( _laughing slightly_ ) "Well, Ruby, Yang, it's a pleasure to ha-"

 **Weiss** : ( _storming onto the scene in her own pajamas as Ruby traps Yang's leg_ ) "What in the world is going on over here?! Don't you realize some of us are trying to sleep?"

 **Weiss and Yang** : ( _at the sight of each other_ ) "Oh, not you again!"

"Well, people won't be getting to sleep any time soon." Church said.

 **Ruby** : "Shh! Guys, she's right! People are trying to sleep!"

 **Weiss** : "Oh,  _now_  you're on my side!"

 **Ruby** : "I was always on your side!"

 **Yang** : "Yeah, what's your problem with my sister? She's only trying to be nice!"

 **Weiss** : "She's a hazard to my health!"

_Blake, who rolls her eyes at the fight, simply closes her book, reaches over to grab her candle, and blows it out, enveloping the scene in black. The ending credits play._

"Well, that's all the girls on the cover revealed." Donut said, "And now they have to go through some Initiation. Reminds me of my high school's."

"What was it?" Grif asked, before immediately regretting it,

"Uh… let's just say it was an all boys school." Everyone just stared at the pink soldier for a couple of seconds before moving away him, even Tex & Carolina. This was going to be a long night.


	5. Crotch Shots (The First Step)

"So…" Donut said while Shelia loaded up the next couple of episodes, "How do you like the show so far?"

"Yeah, it's good." Simmons replied, "Has a few funny moments and the action is will animated. Overall a nice show." There was an awkward feeling in the air as they group didn't know what to talk about while they waited. They couldn't discuss about the future because the Reds & Blues knew that if they did, it could screw up the timeline may get them killed somehow, "Well, this is kinda awkward."

"Yeah, no kidding." Church said, "So… uh… what happens to me in future? And what happens to Tex after the explosion?" The ones from the future looked at each other they silently agreed that it wouldn't hurt to tell them what happened a year or two in the future,

"Well, in a few months we got orders from Command saying that me, Simmons and Caboose are getting transferred to Rat's Nest while Tucker had to go to Sandtrap to help with communications between the alien guys, and you went some other place for some time or something." Grif answered, "Sarge, Lopez and Sister stayed behind in Blood Gulch while Doc went off to some other place I don't care about."

"I had to go and attend classes for 50 weeks." Doc said, "And if I didn't, Donut would've been dead after Wash shot him."

"Wait, you  _what_?" Tex  & Carolina said in disbelief as they stared at the current Blue Leader,

"Um… yeah… I kinda forgot to mention that." Wash lied. He tried to steer away from the time when he teamed up with the Meta, but now Doc just dug his grave, "I, uh, shot Donut. By accident."

"You did!?." Caboose gasped, "I thought you shot Captain Cupcakes becau-" Caboose was interrupted by Tucker as he quickly covered Caboose's speech unit,

"Because his gun malfunctioned and shot him in the leg! That's what happened." Tucker quickly said, with Wash nodding at Tucker, who nodded back,

"You really haven't changed much, have you?" Carolina said, remembering every time during training when Wash's gun jammed, "You really have to work on your gun maintenance."

"Hey, I was still starting out, you know?"

"And next thing you know, he shoots Church and he dies again." Tucker joked, only to regret it as he realized that Carolina didn't know about that little detail, "Ah… fuck nuggets." And punched himself to try and redeem himself,

"You what!?" Carolina exclaimed as she stood up from her seat, "You DIED!? How are you even here!?"

"Uh… time for 'nother episode of RWBY!" Sarge quickly said he saw that it was ready. He may have spent many,  _many_ years in the army but when he saw trouble, he knew he had to act. And with Carolina around, he wasn't willing risk many lives. Except for Grif's, "Simmons, start the episode." He whispered to his second-in-command,

"This isn't over." Carolina said as she sat back down,

'We really need to stop blurting out stuff from the future.' Simmons thought before he said, "Shelia, begin The First Step Part 1 & 2!"

"Beginning playback."

**(Part 1)**

_The opening ends to a character's eyes wearily opening and closing before waking up fully and seeing Nora Valkyrie fill their view._

**Nora** : "Wake up, lazy bud!" ( _dashes to the side_ )

_Lie Ren gets up with a groan as Nora hounds him._

**Nora** : ( _singing_ ) "It's morning! It's morning! It's morning! It's morning!"

"Oh… I love her energy!" Donut said, "I already like her."

"Just what we need: Another Donut." Grif groaned, "Someone shoot me if we ever meet someone like her." Sarge was reaching for his shotgun, before realizing there wasn't any weapons in the entire facility apart from Tucker's Sword. Why did he get to keep his weapon while his team (and Grif) was defenseless against a room full of Blues? He was sure he could probably build another Lopez to make him make weapons with the parts here but there wasn't a speech unit here, well apart from the English ones but he wanted that Lopez to be as close to the original as possible.

_Lie Ren sighs again and the scene changes to him brushing his teeth in the restroom while Nora continues to talk._

**Nora** : "I can't believe we've been at Beacon for a full twenty-four hours! Not that I thought we'd get kicked out or anything - I mean, you're the perfect student and I'm... well, I'm  _me_! But it's just crazy, you know?"

_The scene changes to the ballroom, where the two are readying themselves. Nora is brushing her hair and still chattering while Ren is tightening the strings on his sleeping bag._

**Nora** : "We've been friends for  _soooooooo_  long! What are the odds we'd still be together? Well, not 'together-together'... Not that I'm not saying that you're not handsome; you  _are_  handsome, but that'd just be weird, right?"

"She must have big lungs." Doc said, "And are those… fangs? That doesn't seem natural."

"So does giving birth to an alien but you don't see me complaining." Tucker spoke up,

"Speaking of Male Pregnancy and fangs, how  _is_ Junior anyway?" Tex asked, wondering what happened to the little guy,

"Well, he's… uh… I think he's alright."

"Wait, 'I think'?" Simmons asked, "What do you mean?"

"Uh… well…" Tucker then started to nervously laugh, "Last time I saw Junior it was back at Sandtrap."

"So you left your kid in a desert." Tex said flatly, "I have to admit you are one irresponsible parent. Not that I'm surprised though."

"Don't worry. I'm sure he can take care of himself."

"He barely reached my knee!" Church pointed out, "My Pistol was bigger than him!"

"He grew up pretty big in two years." The others wanted to go on but the wanted to get on with the show.

_The scene changes again as the two are in the middle of eating their breakfast, Nora having a pancake hanging from her mouth as she is still talking._

**Nora** : ( _muffled through her food_ ) "Right! What was I thinking? But still, I hope we end up on the same team together!" ( _slurps up the rest of her pancake_ ) "Oohhhh! We should come up with some sort of plan, to make sure we end up on the same team together! What if we bribe the headmaster? No, that won't work. He has the school."

It suddenly hit the Freelancers that the girl sounded very familiar, yet completely different at the same time. They searched through their memories, trying to find where the voice fitted in with. It took them a few seconds they realized who it was, "Connie…" Wash muttered,

"Oh my God, it's C.T!" Carolina exclaimed,

"C.T on crack, but that's definitely C.T." Tex said. Sarge got Simmons to pause the episode before he turned to the Freelancers,

"Wait, C.T was a guy when we met him back at Sandtrap where Mr. Irresponsible left his kid." Sarge said,

"HE GREW UP!" Tucker called out, "Like you're any better!"

"Shut up dirtbag. Anyway, our C.T was a guy. That doesn't seem physically possible."

"Sergeant, what about the nice girl with the curved axe gun," Caboose started,

"Caboose, ya actually have a," Church interrupted Sarge by putting his hand in front of his face,

"Wait for it… he'll screw up right about…"

"She would be good on a pirate ship singing: Row row, row your boat, gently down the steam, if you see a crocodile, shoot nearest guy. By accident."

"There we go." Church sighed as he face palmed, "And next time, never let me on a boat with you. Ever."

"That doesn't explain how she could be a girl one minute and a guy the next." Simmons pointed out, "For all we know right now, she could've had a voice modifier!"

"Waddya mean? Grif's first girlfriend had a dick, maybe it was her." Tucker said. Everyone looked at Grif in varying expressions under their helmets. Grif just sighed,

"You know, sometimes, I wanna die after being around you guys." Grif groaned,

"That can be arranged." Sarge said, reaching for the shotgun that never came, He grumbled before turning to Simmons, "Simmons! Perform Protocol: Alpha Beta Omega Gamma Delta Epsilon!" Simmons sighed at the order,

"I'll get the duct tape and orange juice…" Simmons said, "And more of that soldier poison." (AN: From Hazzamo!)

 _The scene changes again as the two are readying themselves in the locker room, Ren loading Storm Flower_   _and Nora still talking._

 **Nora** : "I know! We'll have some sort of signal! Like a distress signal!" ( _gasps_ ) "A  _secret_  signal so we can find each other in the forest! Can you imitate a sloth?"

"Sloths don't make much noise." Simmons said as he came back with the equipment Sarge needed, "I should know, I've been living with one of them."

"Oh, up yours dude!" Grif politely replied by flipping off his teammate.

 **Ren** : ( _finally replying_ ) "Nora?"

 **Nora** : "Yes, Ren?"

 **Ren** : ( _sheathing his weapons in his sleeves_ ) "I don't think sloths make a lot of noise."

 **Nora** : ( _thinks about this for a moment_ ) "That's why it's  **perfect**! No one will suspect we're working together!"

 **Ren** : ( _shutting his locker_ ) "Come on Nora - let's go."

 **Nora** : "Not 'together-together'..." ( _giggles_ )

"How… did she get into the school?" Carolina asked herself, "I know energy is important but I don't see her as a Hunter."

"You might surprised, Carolina." Tex told her, only to be growled out, 'Takes after her mother.' Tex thought as she sighed.

_Ren heads out while a skipping Nora follows, passing Ruby Rose and Yang Xiao Long as they are busy readying themselves._

**Ruby** : "Wonder what those two are so worked up about?"

 **Yang** : "Oh, who knows? So, you seem awfully chipper this morning!"

 **Ruby** : "Yep! No more awkward small talk or 'getting-to-know-you' stuff. Today, I get to let my sweetheart do the talking." ( _strokes Crescent Rose as she sighs happily_ )

"I know likes weapons but this is borderline creepy." Grif said, "Fuck, she's even  _cuddling_  it."

"Grif, shut up." Sarge said, "There is nothing wrong with respecting your weapon, taking care of it making sure it's happy. That way, it can fight your battles for you, and it will always win!"

'I am not even going to comment.' Tucker thought.

 **Yang** : "Well, remember, Ruby, you're not the only one going through initiation. If you wanna grow up, you're gonna have to meet new people and learn to work together."

 **Ruby** : ( _sighs in frustration_ ) "You sound like  **Dad**!" ( _shoves her weapon into the locker_ ) "Okay, first of all: What does meeting new people have to do with fighting? And secondly: I don't need people to help me grow up! I drink  **milk**!"

"Yay!" Caboose cheered, "I drink lots of milk! I am going to grow up like my dad!"

"Isn't your father dead?" Wash pointed out, remembering (and slightly regretting) their first meeting,

"Yes."

"And you want to be like him?"

"Yes." There was a small silence after that as everyone wondered what the fuck is happening in Caboose's mind,

"Okay then…"

 **Yang** : "But what about when we form teams?"

 **Ruby** : ( _suddenly nervous_ ) "Um, I don't know, I... I'll just be on your team or something..."

 **Yang** : "Maybe you should try being on someone else's team?"

 **Ruby** : "My dear sister Yang, are you implying that you do not wish to be on the same team as me?"

 **Yang** : "What? No! Of course I do! I just thought... I don't know, maybe it would help you... break out of your shell!"

"Well, it looks like she needs more social skills." Simmons noted, "It isn't healthy just to stick with weapons and one person as your friends."

"Says you!" Grif exclaimed, "At least I had a girlfriend before! You can't even talk to a girl without stuttering!"

"We're girls." Tex said pointing to herself and Carolina,

"Like I said: Girls." After that, he promptly got kicked in the crotch by both women, "Why does everybody go for my nuts…"

"They're easy targets." Carolina & Tex said at the same time before high-fiving each other, before it became awkward and Carolina sat back down and turned her back to the black Freelancer.

 **Ruby** : "What the-?! I don't need to 'break out of my shell'! That's absolutely-"

 **Jaune** : "Ridiculous!" ( _suddenly walking in between the sisters, holding a map and looking lost_ ) "There's no way I put my gear in locker 636 yesterday! I would've remembered having to count that high! Why does this have to happen today?"

"I can already tell he won't survive this initiation." Carolina muttered, 'I wonder how he got in.'

_Jaune passes Weiss Schnee and Pyrrha Nikos as they ready themselves at their lockers._

**Weiss** : "So, Pyrrha, have you given any thought to whose team you'd like to be on? I'm sure everyone must be eager to unite with such a strong, well-known individual such as yourself!"

"Okay… it looks like she's trying to subtly convince this person to team-up with her." Tex commented, "And she's doing a really bad job at it."

 **Pyrrha** : "Hmm... I'm not quite sure. I was planning on letting the chips fall where they may."

"Wait a minute." Wash muttered before saying, "Uh, Carolina… that girl, she…"

"Yeah." The Leader of the Freelancers said, quickly understanding why Wash was interested in the girl,

"What's wrong?" Donut asked, Wash pointed to young woman on the screen,

"Her eyes! Her hair! She looks like a teenage Carolina! She even kinda sounds like her!" Wash exclaimed,

"Yeah, except this Pyrrha chick seems kinder, relaxed & more humble than her." Tex pointed out before muttering under her breath, "And less of a bitch…"

"You take that back!" Carolina growled. Tex leaned in as their visors touched,

"Make me." She said. Soon, the others saw electricity spark between them as a boxing bell ring was rung,

"Caboose!" Church yelled at the Dumb Blue, who quickly threw away a boxing bell, "Stop that!"

"Tucker did it!"

"No I didn't, idiot!" Tucker told his teammates as he grabbed Grif's cone full of popcorn, "Oh yeah! I sense a cat fight! Let's move it outside where the grass is green and the mud is wet!" Tex & Carolina stopped their glaring contest and nodded at each other.

Before performing a dual combo on his cod plate.

"Shut up, PIG!" The two women yelled at the injured Swordsman. After a few minutes, Tucker slowly got back up to his chair,

"Worth it." He said dizzily before getting back to the episode (AN: From Atrum Ferox!)

 **Weiss** : "Well... I was thinking maybe we could be on a team together."

 **Pyrrha** : "Well, that sounds grand!"

 **Weiss** : "Great!"

_The background disappears into a thundercloud as Weiss adopts a scheming pose and manic smile in her head._

**Weiss** :  _This will be perfect! The smartest girl in class combined with the strongest girl in class! Together we will be unstoppable! I can see it now! We'll be popular! We'll be celebrities! We'll get perfect grades! Nothing can come between us now!_

"Um… is it possible for a ghost in a robot's body from a couple hundred years ago living off nothing Oreos and orange juice for the past 3 days to piss their pants?" Church asked. He didn't get a response, "Uh, because I think just did."

"She's not that scary." Carolina told the Cobalt Sniper, "She's just a little insane."

 **Jaune** : ( _coming between them and interrupting Weiss' evil train of thought_ ) "You know what else is great? Me. Jaune Arc. Nice to meet you."

"Derp." Caboose said out of nowhere. They even bother to respond.

 **Weiss** : ( _irritated_ ) "You again?"

 **Pyrrha** : ( _hurriedly letting herself be seen_ ) "Nice to meet you, Jaune!"

 **Jaune** : "Yeah, yeah." ( _pushes Pyrrha aside and talks to Weiss, posing slightly_ )

"Okay, she obviously likes him." Grif said,

"Oh c'mon! She wants that guy when can have a guy who can kick C.T's ass!?" Tucker exclaimed,

"Wait, what did you say?" Tex asked, wondering how the other C.T died. Tucker just chuckled,

"Dude, I was driving him  _insane_. I kept fucking up his shit before I trapped myself in the temple and let me tell you, it was awesome!" Tucker bragged. Wash was still amazed at how Tucker took matters into his own hands, and he knew he wasn't lying since he found a wrecked Warthog with a big slash on it. And if he remembered correctly, the Innie Leader escaped with C.T's body…

"Oh my God…" Wash muttered as he looked at Carolina and Tex, who faced (what the other Freelancers called him) Pillman and C.T. That meant Tucker was at least at equal strength with  _Carolina at that point of time._  He decided not to speak about this revelation of sorts since he didn't want Carolina to have another rival.

 **Jaune:** "So, Weiss, couldn't help but overhear you're fondness of me the other day."

 **Weiss** : "Oh, you've  _got_  to be kidding me!"

 **Jaune** : "Don't worry! No need to be embarrassed! So, been hearing rumors about teams! I was thinking you and me would make a good one! What do you say?"

 **Pyrrha** : ( _getting Jaune's attention_ ) "Actually, I think the teams are comprised of four students each, so-"

 **Jaune** : "You don't say." ( _advances on his new target_ ) "Well, hot stuff, play your cards right and maybe you could join up with the winning team."

"Wow. Just, wow." Tex muttered, amazed how upfront the kid was.

 **Weiss** : ( _separating the two_ ) "Jaune, is it? Do you have any idea who you're talking to?"

 **Jaune** : "Not in the slightest, snow angel."

 **Weiss** : " _This_  is Pyrrha."

 **Pyrrha** : "Hello again!"

 **Weiss** : "Pyrrha graduated top of her class at Sanctum!"

 **Jaune** : "Never heard of it."

"And it makes sense." Simmons said, "Sanctum does sound like a prestigious school but it could be somewhere far from Beacon. Sure, a lot of people might know but there's an equal chance that many people don't."

 **Weiss** : ( _scoffs_ ) "She's won the Mistral Region Tournaments four years in a row! A new record!"

 **Jaune** : "The what?"

"Okay, a regional tournament is hard to ignore, especially when it's a record breaker." Tex said.

 **Weiss** : ( _waving her arms rapidly in anger_ ) "She's on the front of every Pumpkin Pete's Marshmallow Flakes box!"

 **Jaune** : ( _gasping suddenly_ ) "That's  _you_?!" ( _as the design of the cereal box in question is seen with Pyrrha's smiling face on it_ ) "But they only do that for star athletes and cartoon characters!"

"THAT'S WHAT GETS HIM!?" Church exclaimed, "He's like a fucking 10 year old!" 'Then again, Caboose still thinks Captain Crunch is real…'

 **Pyrrha** : "Yeah, it was pretty cool. Sadly, the cereal isn't very good for you."

 **Weiss** : ( _appearing as the box design crumbles behind them_ ) "So, after hearing all of this, do you really think you're in a position to ask  _her_  to be on your team?"

 **Jaune** : "I guess not... Sorry..." ( _hanging his head_ )

 **Pyrrha** : "Actually, Jaune, I think you'd make a great leader!"

 **Jaune** : ( _immediately brightening back up_ ) "D'oh, stop it!"

"Hey, look at that. Jaune has more of a chance with getting a girl than Tucker." Wash chuckled,

"Oh shut up!" Tucker said as he punched Wash's shoulder. Wash punched him while he chuckled. Now that he thought about it, this was the first time he joked around in a long time, especially after all the drama with the Teal Swordsman. He guessed that time travel wasn't so bad after all.

 **Weiss** : "Seriously, please stop it. This kind of behavior should not be encouraged!"

"Or else we will have another Tucker." Caboose said, "And no one wants two of the same person."

 **Jaune** : "Sounds like Pyrrha's on board for Team Jaune. Spots are filling up quick! Now, I'm not supposed to do this, but maybe I could pull some strings, find a place for you. What do you say?"

 **Weiss** : "Alright, that's a bit too close! Pyrrha, a little help, please?!"

_Jaune looks back just in time to see the red and gold spear strike him, sending the would-be leader flying off the screen._

"Sort of expected that." Carolina muttered, 'Let's see, by this rate he'll survive 1 hour, 30 minutes tops. And I'm being really generous.'

 **Pyrrha** : "I'm sorry!"

_An announcement plays on the intercom system._

**Glynda (voice only)** : "Would all first-year students please report to Beacon Cliff for initiation? Again, all first-year students report to Beacon Cliff immediately."

_Weiss passes Jaune as he hangs from the wall of a locker on her way out. Pyrrha follows her, grabbing her spear and dropping Jaune to the ground._

"Wait, d-did I just see her spear jump into her hand?" Grif asked,

"You must be seeing things!" Sarge exclaimed, "Quick! I need that Acid Shotgun ready!"

"Wait, 'Acid Shotgun'!?" Grif knew this wouldn't be good,

"Okay, I'm going to regret asking but how?" Simmons asked, "All we have is duct tape, Oreos, orange juice, milk and science equipment we either need or have no idea how to use."

"Well, every soldier needs a bit of creativity." Sarge said as he grabbed the items Simmons brought over,

"I thought every soldier needs is bullets and robots?" Donut said,

"That what every soldier needs! Creativity, bullets, robots and a ten megaton bomb."

"Sure, because the last bomb went  _so_ well." Church muttered. Luckily, Carolina didn't hear.

 **Pyrrha** : "It was nice meeting you!"

 **Jaune** : ( _slumping against the locker_ ) "Likewise..."

 **Yang** : ( _as she and Ruby approach_ ) "Having some trouble there, lady-killer?"

 **Jaune** : "I don't understand. My dad said all women look for is confidence! Where did I go wrong?" ( _accepts Ruby's offered hand and uses her to lift himself back up_ )

 **Yang** : "'Snow Angel'  _probably_  wasn't the best start."

"And so does taking advice from your dad." Tucker said, "That was a bad move."

 **Ruby** : "Come on, Jaune - let's go."

_Ruby leads Jaune out of the locker room by supporting him and his damaged self-esteem._

_The scene opens to the Beacon Cliff, overlooking a forest, where several students - some old, some new, and some unseen - are standing on silver tiles in front of a mug-holding Professor Ozpin and Glynda with her tablet._

**Ozpin** : "For years, you have trained to become warriors, and today, your abilities will be evaluated in the Emerald Forest."

"Probably filled to the brim with those Grimm." Wash guessed.

 **Glynda** : "Now, I'm sure many of you have heard rumors about the assignment of 'teams'. Well, allow us to put an end to your confusion. Each of you will be given teammates...  **today**."

 **Ruby** : "What? Ohhh..."

"I have a bad feeling about how they're going choose." Grif said.

 **Ozpin** : "These teammates will be with you for the rest of your time here at Beacon. So it is in your best interest to be paired with someone with whom you can work well."

 **Ruby** : ( _groaning_ )

 **Ozpin** : "That being said, the first person you make eye contact with after landing will be your partner for the next four years."

 **Ruby** : ( _the shocked expression mirrors her world cracking like glass and falling apart_ ) " **Whaaaat?!** "

"Well, that's interesting." Simmons said, "And it could be trouble for Ruby."

"It makes sense though." Carolina spoke up, "You have to work with anyone and everyone if you want to survive, even if it's your enemy or someone you don't like."

 **Nora** : ( _to Ren_ ) "See? I  _told_  you-!"

 **Ozpin** : "After you've partnered up, make your way to the northern end of the forest. You will meet opposition along the way. Do not hesitate to destroy everything in your path... or you  **will**  die."

_Jaune laughs nervously and then gulps loudly._

'He is not going to survive.' Everyone thought apart from Caboose & Donut.

 **Ozpin** : "You will be monitored and graded through the duration of your initiation, but our instructors will not intervene. You will find an abandoned temple at the end of the path containing several relics. Each pair must choose one and return to the top of the cliff. You will guard that item, as well as your standing, and grade you appropriately. Are there any questions?"

 **Jaune** : ( _raising his hand_ ) "Yeah, um, sir?"

 **Ozpin** : " **Good**! Now, take your positions."

_Everyone strikes a pose on their tile. Nora crouches low, Ren wields his weapons, Yang raises her fists, Ruby readies her body, and Jaune is still raising his hand._

**Jaune** : "Uh, sir? I've got, um... a question." ( _he misses the tile under Weiss rising up into a springboard, rocketing into the air and over the forest, as the platforms activate down the line_ ) "So, this landing... strategy thing... Uh, wha-what is it? You're, like, dropping us off or something?"

 **Ozpin** : "No. You will be falling."

"No, it's more like getting launched to your potential doom." Church muttered. While that was happening, Wash couldn't help but remember when he made Church & Caboose use the Grav-Lift for the first time. He had to admit that was pretty funny.

 **Jaune** : ( _missing more students being thrown_ ) "Oh, uh, I see... So, did you, like, hand out parachutes for us?"

"He's going to die before he even makes it to the ground." Tex said, "Things are not looking up for this guy."

 **Ozpin** : "No. You will be using your own 'landing strategy'."

 **Jaune** : ( _still not seeing an excited Nora and Ren getting launched_ ) "Uh-huh... Yeah."

_At her turn, Yang winks at her younger sister, puts on a pair of aviators, and flies off with a "Woo-hoooooooo!" a second before Ruby joins her._

"Well, at least everyone else is going to have fun." Sarge said, "And that what war should be. Killing hundreds of enemies in less than a minute, but still having fun with it."

 **Jaune** : "So, what exactly is a landing strateg **YYY**!..."

_He asks this part just when he finally has to get hurled with the cloud of students now making their way down into the forest below under the eyes of the teachers. Ozpin, for his part, simply takes a sip of his drink before the scene goes black and the credits roll._

"Part 1 now over. Please discuss episode." The A.I told the group as she loaded up the next episode,

"So… Jaune is kinda fucked." Tucker muttered, "Seriously, I wonder how he got into a place like Beacon. Being nice isn't going to get you too far."

"Well, if weren't being nice I would still be in jail and probably dead." Wash whispered to Tucker,

"But that's a totally different situation! They're not fugitives of the UNSC after a month of doing nothing but taking the Red's flag. And sometimes giving them our flag out of pity." Tucker whispered that last part,

"Okay, the episode is over. So please someone te-"

"Simmons, start the next episode!" Sarge interrupted Carolina,

"Shelia! Start now!"

"Oh you gotta be kidding me." Carolina groaned, 'I'm not going to get an explanation any time soon.'

"Beginning playback."

**(Part 2)**

_The opening ends to an overhead view of Emerald Forest, where a black bird is flying slowly and magnificently, right up to the moment it gives a final shriek and Ruby crashes through it in a burst of feathers as she plummets downward._

**Ruby** : "Birdie, no!"

"Oh my God! She killed the crow!" Donut yelled out,

"You bastard…" Grif muttered as he rolled his eyes, not caring much.

_Ruby fires off a few rounds from Crescent Rose to slow her down, then turns the weapon into its scythe form to catch the branch of a tree in her blade and fall downward at a slower pace._

_Weiss, armed with Myrtenaster, summons a white snowflake circle under her and leaps off of it to the forest below._

_Ren descends (with Nora Valkyrie briefly being seen next to him at a faster speed) and spins in the air, eventually using Storm Flower's blades to spiral around the trunk of a large tree and hit the ground, brushing off his clothes before looking up to see..._

**Yang** : "Woo-hooo! Yeah! Ally-oop!"

_Yang, soaring right over the treetops, is using her gauntlets and its fiery force to push her through the air further and further north, spinning and laughing with each blast, even when she crashes through the leaves of a tree and leaps off two trunks to tumble to the ground._

**Yang** : "Nailed it!" ( _runs off_ )

"Okay, I have to admit that was kinda impressive." Tex said, surprising everyone in the room.

_Pyrrha, her weapon in sword form and armed with a shield, crashes through several trees and rolls on a branch, immediately shifting her blade into a rifle and looking through the scope at Jaune as he continues to scream and fall helplessly. Pyrrha coolly transforms her weapon again to its spear form, takes a moment to evaluate her throw, and rockets the javelin deep into the forest until a "THUNK!" is heard._

**Jaune** : ( _in the distance_ ) "Thank you!"

 **Pyrrha** : ( _waving_ ) "I'm sorry!"

"Wow, only 30 seconds in and he already got saved by someone. A new record." Church said.

_In the middle of the forest, Ruby lands in a crouch, then darts off with a single mantra in her mind._

**Ruby (thinking)** : " _Gotta find Yang! Gotta find Yang, gotta find Yang, gotta find..._ " ( _shouting_ ) "Yang!  _Yaaaang!_ " ( _internally, now seeing herself partnered with various people_ ) " _Oh, this is bad, this is really bad... What if I can't find her? What if someone finds her first? Well, there's always Jaune. He's nice. He's funny! ...I don't think he's very good in a fight, though._

"Not helped when it looks like he's getting eaten by wolves." Doc muttered.

 **Ruby (thinking):** " _Ooh! What about Blake?! So mysterious, so calm... Plus she likes books! Then again, I'm not sure I'd be able to hold a conversation with her... Ugh!_ "

"She doesn't seem very social too…" Simmons muttered.

 **Ruby (thinking):** ( _shakes her head of daydreams_ ) " _Okay... Who else do I know in this school? There's Yang, Jaune, Blake, aaaand..._ "

_Time seems to slow down as Ruby skids to a halt in front of Weiss as she is turning to face her. She stops just in time for their eyes to meet and a pregnant pause follows._

"Weiss." Everyone said,

"I saw it coming." Caboose said, surprising the hell out of everyone, "It was from a story told by my mum."

"Which is…" Tucker was genuinely curious about the story Caboose's mother told him,

"She said: 'Caboose! Red and white mix to make purple! And that is what our goal is!' She was a nice lady."

"I-I'm not even going to comment on that."

"Why do I have the feeling it some deeper meaning?" Grif muttered to himself,

"Shut up Grif. That story was a bunch of nonsense!" Sarge quickly responded, "Colours will never mix! That's why we're Red and they're Blue! To show we will never support their Blue ways!"

"Um… Sarge," Simmons said slowly, "You do know about, you know, the 'thing'?" Simmons whispered. He knew, from the files back at where they found Epsilon-Tex, that Sim Troopers were never supposed to know about their true occupation, due to the fact that it would cause public outcry if certain people knew, and it would probably cause Church to break down or some shit, "Because certain people must  _not know about said 'thing'._ "

"I know that." Sarge whispered back, "But I feel that we can't live without conflict in our lives, as it would slowly drive us insane! Maybe we can't go back and live normal lives. Our future will be filled with blood, gore and bullets, to forever fight until we die. But not before the yellow guy dies first."

"I'm orange!" Grif exclaimed,

"Ah shut up. Who cares about you? You could be Blue for all I care. Accept I would and I would shoot you my shotgun! Which I will demonstrate as soon as this thing is ready." Sarge said as he picked up the rough frame the gun he somehow was making. Grif knew this was going to suck some major donkey balls.

_This ends when Weiss turns on her heel and walks the other way._

**Ruby** : ( _following her slightly_ ) "Wait! Where are you going?!" ( _stops and kicks the ground dejectedly_ ) "We're supposed to be teammates..."

"I'll give her 30 seconds before she goes back to Ruby. Double if it's 20." Church betted,

"I'll take that action." Tex said as she reached into her wallet, "I got $50 and 30 bucks from Wyoming's helmet."

"$10 from Caboose and $40 from Doc's wallet."

"Hey!"

"Stop leaving your wallet around Blue Base, Doc!" Church called out before discussing with Tex about the bet and its terms until it was settled. 30 seconds for Church, 20 seconds for Tex. Closest time wins.

_Weiss is seen struggling through the forest, giving an occasional grunt or "Ow!" as she pushes plants out of her way. She brushes herself off and sighs in relief when she hears a voice above her._

**Jaune** : ( _apparently struggling to free himself_ ) "Come on, come on! Stupid...!"

_Weiss sees Jaune hanging a few feet in the air by the spear embedded in his hood and the tree behind him. As he gives up trying to pull it out, he looks down and sees Weiss, giving an embarrassed wave. Weiss simply heads back in the direction she came from and Jaune groans in dejection._

**Weiss** : ( _as she passes Ruby and pulls on her hood_ ) "By no means does this make us friends."

 **Ruby** : ( _overjoyed as she's dragged away into the bushes_ ) "You came back!"

"Oh yeah!" Tex cheered, "Pay up!" Church grumbled as he paid all the money he had on him. Carolina narrowed her eyes. She never saw Tex happy. It was out of character for her. Something must've happened to her, but she wasn't sure what.

 **Jaune** : ( _seeing the scene and waving his arms_ ) "Wait! Come back! Who's going to get me down from here?!"

 **Pyrrha (below)** : "Jaune?" ( _he looks down at his savior_ ) "Do you... have any spots left on your team?"

 **Jaune** : ( _crossing his arms_ ) "Very funny..." ( _he eventually looks down at her and gives a smile, which she returns_ )

"Lucky bastard." Tucker grumbled as he crossed his arms, "He gets the attention of the hot Amazon chick and I get,"

"An awesome sword which better than that guy's." Grif pointed out,

"A special rock where you do your business." Simmons added in,

"A guy who can kill a time-travelling British guy a thousand times over." Church said,

"Pregnant by Crunchbite." Caboose spoke,

"And none of them involves a girl being near you for more than a few minutes." Wash finished,

"And all of that makes me awesome." Tucker said as he played around with his sword, showing the skill he gained,

"Wait, what did you say about a 'Time-Travelling British Guy'?" Carolina asked,

"NOTHING!" Carolina sighed as she crossed her arms. She wanted answers. Soon (AN: From Cure Rider Phoenix!)

_The scene changes to Weiss trudging through the forest, with Ruby back a ways behind her._

**Ruby** : "What's the hurry?"

 **Weiss** : "I will not let my mission be delayed because you're too slow! I swear, if I get a bad grade because of your-" ( _a smiling Ruby suddenly appears next to her_ ) "What the...?"

"Holy shit, she's fast!" Grif exclaimed, "She's like a fucking cheetah!" Sarge then whacked Grif in the back of the head,

"Private Grif! I clearly stated a few years ago to stop makin' up animals! Do you want to be the first test subject of my new shotgun!?" Sarge threatened as he aimed his new weapon at Grif's head. It looked like something from an alien planet, since it had glowing orange highlights on it and a floating sight on it to help with accuracy (AN: Think the Scattershot from Halo 4),

"I am sorry Sarge ( _last name corrupted or classified or missing)_  but Master Simmons has restricted the use of weapons lethally during viewings of the show." Shelia told the group as she paused the video,

"Dammit Simmons! Turn it off!"

"I am sorry again Sarge  _(last name corrupted or classified or missing)_  but Master Simmons has specifically programmed me not to turn off Safety Mode at all costs,"

"Well, make me!" Sarge challenged as he aimed his weapon at Grif's head, causing him to flinch,

"Or else I will be forced to flood the facility with a deadly neurotoxin and kill everyone in the vicinity." Everyone quickly started to sweat, except for Tex who was going to survive, "And an emp to get rid of all files and A.I, including me." Okay, now that got her to start sweating motor oil in her helmet. Wash couldn't help but groan as soon as he heard the word 'Emp' instead of 'E.M.P',

"Oh you gotta be kidding me." Wash muttered, "One, why 'Emp'? Two, WHO THE  _HELL_  LET SHELIA GAIN ACCESS TO NEUROTOXIN!?" Everyone automatically shifted their gaze to Simmons,

"Hey! It wasn't me!" Simmons quickly defended himself,

"A password was set so I would gain access to the neurotoxin permanently, even when I am deleted, any copy will have access." Shelia informed them,

"What's the password?" Grif had to ask,

" _Forgive Me For My Sins_." This caused Wash to realize that the Director must've said those words before he shot himself. It made him feel a bit worse, considering why the Director did that,

"What kind of password is that?" Carolina asked, "Why would it be that?"

"Because," Wash said quietly as he looked at the spot where the Director used to be, "It was from someone who failed one, too many times." Everyone decided it was best not to continue and went back to watching.

 **Ruby** : "I'm not slow, see? You don't have to worry about me!"

 **Weiss** : ( _looking back, slightly amazed_ ) "When did...?"

 **Ruby** : "Weiss, just because I don't exactly know how to deal with people doesn't mean I don't know how to deal with monsters!" ( _gets an arm around a skeptical Weiss' shoulders_ ) "You're about to see a whole different side of me today, Weiss, and after it's all over, you're going to be like, 'Wow! That Ruby girl is really, really cool... ( _somewhat mousily_ ) and I wanna be her friend!'"

"Not likely but you can dream." Tex said.

_Ruby disappears in a shower of rose petals, which Weiss waves away from her face just as she hears crackling and rustling in the bushes around her._

"Yep, definitely fast as hell." Church muttered.

 **Weiss** : ( _calling out to Ruby_ ) "You may be fast, but you still excel at wasting time!" ( _silence, save more noises_ ) "Ruby?" ( _the forest darkens, forcing Weiss to lean in to try and find her new partner as a pair of red eyes are seen glaring behind her_ ) "Ruby...?"

"That does not look good." Grif said before glancing at Sarge's new shotgun, 'Actually,  _THAT_  does not look good. Please don't be the Acid Shotgun.'

_The camera revolves around Weiss, as multiple pairs of red eyes stare at her from the bushes and a deep growl is heard. She turns around until she spots a large, jagged Beowolf emerging from a bush and approaching her._

**Weiss** : " **Ruby!** "

_The Beowolf roars as the scene goes black and the ending credits play._

"Done!" Tucker declared,

"Safety Mode offline." Shelia said,

"Wait, what?" Grif said, before getting shot in the back by Sarge's new weapon, 'The Grif Killer',

"SON OF A BITCH!" Everyone yelled out except for Caboose, who yelled out,

"SON OF A BELLY BUTTON!"

"HAH! It works!" Sarge said as he looked at Grif rolling around the ground in pain, "But damn it! I forgot to put in a disintegration function! It only has partial on."

"OH MY GOD!" Grif yelled out as some of his skin and muscle started turning into orange dust, "I CAN SEE BONE!" Doc sighed as he started walking away,

"I'll get the duct tape and orange juice." Doc sighed as he made his way to one of the containers,

"Good! More ammo for my shotgun!" Sarge said as he cocked it. Doc sighed again as he asked Tucker to come with him to find something else he could use apart from orange juice. It was going to be a long night.


	6. Surprise! (The Emerald Forest)

"C'mon, stay still Grif. It'll all be over." Doc said as he patched up Grif's back. While he was doing that, the others were talking about random junk like new equipment in the future to just stories about experiences from they're past,

"You built a talking bomb?" Carolina repeated as she stared at Tex, "A talking, translating  _bomb_."

"What? I had to work with what I had and what I had was some explosives and parts from a protocol robot." Tex said as she decided to leave out the part about being built with some of her 'personal' items, "Anyway, he came in handy since we've encountered an alien and we needed a translator."

"He was kinda a dick though." Tucker spoke up, "And kinda useless."

"A bomb. Useless." Carolina repeated in disbelief,

"Yeah, we have a style called 'Being stupid' and so far it works for us." Simmons said, "Like with Omega."

"Tex's A.I?" Carolina asked, now confused,

"Yeah, to them he was just an annoyance to these guys." Wash explained, "To others… well… they didn't exactly handle him well."

"How?"

"Within a week or so, the entire Blue Team was wiped out while the Red Team was reduced to one person. The Blues shot each other and the Reds… let's just say something worse came." Carolina looked horrified underneath her helmet while Tex just shook her head. It was probably the guys she saw before she got transported to here. Church wasn't exactly surprised. His team was full of idiots and the Reds were just assholes and O'Malley didn't really have much to work with to make them effectively evil. But in a normal, fully-functioning person? O'Malley must've had a field day,

"Like I said, 'Being stupid' works for us." Simmons said, "Though I would've liked a calculated approach…"

"It's our system Simmons. Don't fuck it up." Grif said as he sat back on his chair, "Is the next episode ready yet?"

"Yeah, just about. Get ready everyone for the next RWBY episode." While everyone got ready, Carolina was just processing the facts. Time travel, dead people being alive, the worst of the worst somehow dealing with a threat better than actual, or at least competent, soldiers and to top it all off and a pregnant guy? There has to be a logical explanation for all of that. There has to be. And Carolina was going to get to the bottom of this. Even if it's the last thing she does. She just needed to find the right moment, "Shelia, being The Emerald Forest Part 1 & 2, please!"

"Beginning playback!"

**(Part 1)**

_The opening ends to an overhead view of the Emerald Forest as the camera pans down into the misty underbrush, where Yang Xiao Long is walking and looking around._

**Yang** : ( _calling out_ ) "Helloooooooo?" ( _not seeing a shadow quickly pass by_ ) "Is anyone out there? Helloooo?" ( _stops and raises her arms_ ) "I'm getting bored here!"

"I like this little lady." Sarge said, "A fellow lover of violence, and a proud wearer of red!"

"She's wear brown, yellow and orange." Doc pointed out,

"Some of the glorious colours that come close to the superior red." Sarge said as he saluted, "Except orange. Orange is for the weak!"

"Why still in the army again?" Grif muttered to himself before he sighed.

 **Yang:** ( _hears a rustling in the bushes behind her and turns_ ) "Is someone there?" ( _the rustling continues as Yang comes over and peaks inside_ ) "Ruby, is that you?"

_A low, inhuman growl is heard, and Yang's head rises up as she stares at the creature._

"I'm taking that as a no…" Simmons said.

 **Yang** : "Nope!"

_Yang quickly rolls to the side as an Ursa charges out of the green. She gets up and activates her Ember Celica, staring at the monster before another Ursa runs out behind her._

"Pfft! That's her weapon?" Tucker scoffed, "Gauntlets? Against giant fucking bears? What is she gonna do? Punch the thing to death?"

_She leaps over it, and its companion runs at her again, only to get knocked back by a fiery punch. The other Ursa and Yang charge at each other, and Yang manages to get under it and deliver several punches and a kick to send the creature back._

"O-Okay, I stand corrected. She can punch a bear to death. And with fire too." Tucker said as rubbed the back of his helmet while Tex narrowed her eyes,

"When she punched those bears… it sounded like…" Tex muttered only for the Red Leader to finish her sentence,

"Those were SHOTGUNS!" He cheered, "She kills people by dual wielding shotguns! It's official! She's my favourite until I see a badass, ass-kicking robot with a massive laser! This is the best show ever!" Sarge then tried to wipe away the tears, forgetting that he still had his helmet,

"Of all time." Wash added, "Why do I keep saying that?" He groaned,

"It's your catchphrase, Wash. It sticks." Tucker said before remembering something, "Oh right! That reminds me!" He then pressed the side of his helmet,

' _Psh… I've seen bigger_.' Carolina looked at Tucker as she heard her own voice coming from his helmet,

"Yeah, sure you did. Bow Chicka Bow Wow." The Teal Pervert said as everyone just stared at him, "Oh, right. Well, my helmet records conversations just in case I missed an opportunity, like that."

"You've reached a new level of shame, man." Church said as he shook his head. Carolina looked at Tucker's helmet. Could it have the answers to her questions?

 **Yang** : "You guys wouldn't happen to have seen a girl in a red hood, would you?" ( _the Ursi merely growl at her_ ) "You could just say 'no.'"

"She's really cocky, isn't she?" Carolina muttered, "That might lead to mistakes. And some mistakes can't be fixed."

_One of the Ursi stands on its legs and swipes at her twice, Yang barely dodging the attacks._

**Yang** : ( _laughing_ ) "Geeeez, you two couldn't hit the broad side of a ba..."

_Before she can complete her insult, a single strand of her golden hair falls in front of her face and lands on the forest floor._

"My ass-kicking senses are tingling." Grif spoke up as they looked at the screen.

 **Yang** : "You..." ( _closes her violet eyes, then opens them to reveal red, making the Ursi look at each other confusedly before Yang screams_ ) "You  **monsters!** "

"Yeah… she looks really, really angry." Caboose said,

"And that was perfectly good hair too." Donut added, "I would be mad if they messed up my hair."

"You wear a helmet, Donut!" Grif reminded his pink teammate,

"Don't worry. I always have hair gel on me just in case." Donut then pulled out hair gel out of nowhere. No one bothered to find out where he keeps that.

_An inferno surrounds Yang for a moment, and she rockets forward, unleashing a devastating combo of flaming hits and blows on the offending Ursa, making it fly through several burning trees. The other monster runs over, but stops short at Yang's gaze while a tree falls to the ground behind her._

**Yang** : "What! You want some, too?!"

"I like her." Tex & Carolina said as the same time. The guys either just groaned or glared at the two, all of them thinking how they were screwed if Yang was real,

"You've just witnessed what happens when you fuck with a woman." Tex said smugly as she crossed her arms,

"That didn't happen at the last woman I fucked. Bow Chicka Bow-" Cue a punch to the balls by the only two women in the room, "-OW!" Wash just sighed as he shook his head,

"You have to admit, you walked right into that one Tex." He told her,

"You know, you've only had one 'girlfriend' as far as we know, right?" Simmons spoke up as he did air quotes at the word 'Girlfriend', "And that was the alien, which was a male assuming that Tex was telling the truth about his *ahem* length." Carolina just stared at Tex, who only looked away. If she had cheeks, she would be blushing a little, "I think you're in denial."

"What are talking about?" Tucker asked, still confused,

"Well, the fact is that you only talk about sex and women, which is actually a common way for sexually confused people to convince everyone around them that they're straight." Almost everyone started grinning evilly under their helmets, "A real straight man would have no problem calling everyone… Duckie."

"How the fuck do you know that? And also, seriously? …Duckie? Let me ask you something. Have you ever met a gay person?" Before Simmons could answer, Tucker pointed at The Lightish-Red Grenadier, "Apart from Donut."

"Yeah, he met you!" Caboose spoke up, not knowing it just caused everyone's jaws to drop to the bottom of their helmets. Also, everyone swore they heard someone yell out 'BURN' somewhere. It was only after a few seconds before everyone started laughing at Tucker's embarrassment,

"C-Caboose," Church said as he managed to calm down enough to talk, "I know I don't say this often but give me five." Church held out his hand, only for $5 to be placed in it, "Actually, give me twenty." And Caboose proceeded to do just that (AN: Thank you random Guest for the joke!).

_The Ursa rears up and prepares to strike... right when a whirling noise is heard and the monster makes a befuddled noise, falling down a second later to reveal Blake Belladonna with her Gambol Shroud in the beast's back._

_Yang pants in exhaustion while Blake recalls the weapon back to her hand, sheathing it on her back and smiling to the side (or the audience, if she broke the fourth wall). Yang, now purple-eyed again, speaks to her new partner over the smoking remains of the monster._

**Yang** : "I could've taken him."

"You could've taken on a whole army." Doc muttered, "Heck, maybe even the Meta."

_The scene suddenly changes to Weiss Schnee's predicament from the previous episode's end, deflecting the swipe from a Beowolf with her Myrtenaster and getting pushed back into the middle of the beastly circle. She holds out her sword as she goes through her dueling motions and practices._

**Weiss** : ( _in her head_ ) " _Remember your training, Weiss. Head up, shoulders back, right foot forward - not that forward!_

"Uh… isn't that her right foot?" Grif pointed out, "And why is she just standing there? Move!"

"She doesn't really have any real combat experience." Carolina noted, "She's too… systematic. Too stiff. Her style might be effective on one human opponent but on multiple targets she's giving anyone else an opening to attack whenever it wants as long as she's focusing on one enemy."

 **Weiss:** _(in her head) - slow your breathing, wait for the right time to strike, and..._ " ( _brings her rapier up, the revolver spinning_ ) " ** _Now!_** "

_Weiss dashes forward with her loaded weapon at the Beowolf in front of her, just when Ruby suddenly appears between the two in a blur of rose petals and a swipe of her Crescent Rose scythe, landing a hit on the monster._

**Ruby** : "Gotcha!"

_Weiss widens her eyes and screams as she quickly has to stop, swinging the sword in a random direction and creating a line of fire that sets a nearby tree ablaze, followed quickly by the rest of the forest around the clearing._

"That was extremely reckless of Ruby." Wash said, "If Weiss didn't stop, she would went right through her and died."

_Ruby, distracted by Weiss' mess-up, is barely defended when the same Beowolf scratches at her weapon, knocking the younger girl into the heiress._

**Ruby** : "Hey, watch it!"

 **Weiss** : "Excuse me! You attacked out of turn! I could have killed you!"

 **Ruby** : "You'll have to try a lot harder than  _that_..."

"Save the arguing for later. There's a forest fire and being burnt to a crisp does not look good on your report." Church said.

_The duo wield their arms as the pack of Beowolves whine and growl around them. Ruby reloads her scythe just as a flaming tree falls near them._

"Running away sounds really good right now." Grif said,

"Of course you would say that." Sarge said, causing the Lazy Orange to sigh.

 **Weiss** : ( _grabbing Ruby's arm_ ) "We have to  _go_!"

_She leads Ruby out of the blaze as it engulfs the grass and sets the Grimm to running back the way they came or suffering in the fire._

_Ruby and Weiss stop a safe ways from the smoke and flames. Weiss learns over and pants as Ruby looks behind her._

**Ruby** : "What was  _that_?! That should've been easy!"

"It would've, if that forest fire didn't start." Doc said,

"She's young, meaning she hasn't matured enough to learn about making rash decisions." Tex said, "She thinks she can do anything but in reality she's one of the weakest students in Beacon in terms of maturity."

 **Weiss** : "Well perhaps if you had exercised even the  _slightest_  amount of caution with the placement of your strikes, I wouldn't have set the forest on  **fire**!"

 **Ruby** : ( _scoffs_ ) "What's that supposed to mean?"

 **Weiss** : "I'm just surprised someone who talks so  _much_  would communicate so  _little_  during an encounter!"

"I see a flaw in the whole 'partner at first sight' thing." Tucker muttered, "But from the looks of it, they can fix each other's flaws. While Ruby is childish and rash, Weiss is calm and collected. Weiss can't handle more than one person, Ruby can take down many without mush effort. They need each other if they want to survive the Initiation." The others just stared at Tucker, "What? I got taught other stuff while I was training."

"'Training'?" Tex asked,

"Yeah. Before I went to Sandtrap, Command had me officially trained to become a swordsman."

"Yeah, I got to be trained as an Infiltrator. I do know my backdoors" Donut spoke up. This surprised Carolina, Tex & Church. Carolina was wondering how a Sim Trooper, two no less, became real soldiers. Tex was slightly impressed. Church told himself to remember to congratulate Tucker in his timeline and watch out for Donut just in case. He also sorta understood why Donut was trained to be an Infiltrator if you look at it right.

 **Ruby** : "Well, I'm sorry you need my help to win a fight. I'm just  _fine_  on my own!"

 **Weiss** : "Well, congratulations on being the strongest  _child_  to sneak your way into Beacon. Bravo!"

The others narrowed their eyes. They clearly knew Ruby deserved to attend Beacon, she just hadn't gotten the chance to show it. At least, combat-wise. So far, it wasn't looking good for her.

_Weiss begins to walk off on her partner yet again. Ruby, with an agitated shriek, unfolds Crescent Rose, slices a tree down to the stump, refolds it back, and follows her partner as the tree crashes behind her._

"Mental Note: Don't be behind or beside a pissed off Ruby." Church said, which the others agreed to.

_Neither notices the large dark feather floating onto the fallen trunk behind them._

_Meanwhile across the Forest, Pyrrha Nikos, armed with her sword and shield, and Jaune Arc are making their way through the bushes. Jaune hears a noise far away and turns his head._

**Jaune** : "Did you hear that?"

 **Pyrrha** : "Gunfire. It seems some of our comrades have encountered the enemy."

"You know, that sounds kinda like something Carolina would say." Tex commented. The Freelancer Leader just glared at Tex for that comment.

_They keep moving forward, Jaune still staring in the sound's direction as Pyrrha raises a branch to pass by and accidentally releases it right at Jaune's face, flooring him instantly._

**Pyrrha** : ( _looking back behind her_ ) "Jaune! I'm sorry!"

"She's been saying that a lot to him, isn't she?" Donut noted.

 **Jaune** : ( _laughs, lowering his hand from her cheek to reveal a gash from the wooden recoil_ ) "It's okay. Just a scratch!" ( _gets back up when Pyrrha approaches him_ )

 **Pyrrha** : "Why didn't you activate your Aura?"

"Au-wha?" Everyone said.

 **Jaune** : "Huh?"

 **Pyrrha** : "Your Aura."

 **Jaune** : "Gesundheit."

"It's an actual word." Simmons said, "But what does it mean in that universe?"

 **Pyrrha** : "Jaune, do you... know what Aura is?"

 **Jaune** : ( _waves the question off, avoiding eye contact_ ) "Psch! Of course I do! Do  _you_  know what Aura is?"

"He has no fucking idea what Aura is." Grif said flat out, "And now here comes an explanation."

_Pyrrha smiles at him and gets ready to explain as the scene changes to Lie Ren's trek through the forest's tall grass._

**Pyrrha (off-screen)** : " _Aura is the manifestation of our soul. It bears our burdens and shields our hearts. Have you ever felt you were being watched without knowing that someone was there?_ "

 **Jaune (off-screen)** : " _Uh... yeah._ "

The Reds & Blues of Blood Gulch just sighed, remembering the computer underneath Blood Gulch and the years of being watched. Church was still wondering why it was there in the first place. Why spy on them when all they did was talk and shoot something on occasion?

_Ren stops and narrows his eyes, looking around him while a huge black Grimm serpent rises up from the grass behind him and quickly surrounds him with its large, hissing body._

"Church, can I keep him?" Caboose asked as he pointed at the giant snake on the screen,

"Caboose, it isn't real so shut up and watch!" Church shouted at the Idiot Blue, "But it would be a fucking awesome pet…" He muttered, imagining using to have a little fun with the Reds after setting Andy off in Tex's ship, 'Wait a minute, she's here! She isn't on the ship anymore. I wonder if I can save her…'

_Ren adopts a fighting stance as the snake coils together in front of him and attacks with its long fangs._

**Pyrrha** : ( _back on screen, walking around Jaune_ ) "With practice, our Aura can be our shield. Everyone has it, even animals."

"It would be a nice ability to have…" Carolina muttered, wondering if Maine had an Aura it could stop him from getting shot in the throat and being unable to speak.

 **Jaune** : "What about monsters?"

 **Pyrrha** : "No." ( _switching back to Ren as he leaps out of the way, the snake's mouth hitting the ground and instantly coming up again to hit a jumping Ren back with its snout_ ) " _The monsters we fight lack a soul. They are creatures of Grimm, the manifestation of anonymity._ "

"So this Aura is basically a manifestation of someone's soul, and anyone and anything with a mind can use it." Wash summarized.

 **Pyrrha:** ( _Ren lands in a crouch when the serpent encircles him again, and he unleashes his StormFlower before jumping up and firing at the creature_ ) " _They are the darkness, and we are the light._ "

"Sometimes you have to work in the shadows to help the light." Tex muttered.

 **Jaune (off-screen)** : ( _as Ren kicks the snake's snout and slashes at its head_ ) " _Right, that's why we fight them!_ "

 **Pyrrha (off-screen)** : " _It's not about why; it's about knowing._ " ( _the snake flows around Ren and tries to bite him again, but he flips over it and drives his weapons into its head, pausing a moment without sensing serpent's white head behind him_ ) "Understanding dark and light helps us manifest our Aura. Everyone has some of both. _"_

"Well, we aren't exactly saints…" Simmons admitted as he rubbed his back. Everyone couldn't help but agree.

_Ren turns and looks up at the white head as it launches itself at him, dodging it and landing just in time to see the head slither towards him. As it gets closer, he runs at it and leaps onto the black head, sliding over its body and blasting the other head._

**Pyrrha (off-screen)** : " _By baring your soul outward as a force, you can deflect harm. All of our tools and equipment are conduits for Aura. You protect yourself and your soul when fighting._ " ( _Ren is unprepared for the white half to hit him with its head, knocking him off as he drops his weapons, and leaving him to merely raise his arms and distantly cry "No!" to the mouth of the black head_ )

"That guy could really use that Aura stuff right now." Grif commented.

 **Jaune** : ( _opens his eyes with the revelation_ ) "It's like a force field!"

"Simple enough even Caboose can understand it." Tucker muttered. After a few seconds, Caboose gasped,

"It's like those bubble things!" Caboose exclaimed. This actually got Carolina's attention,

'This idiot is must be talking about the Bubble Shield North has. Did the Project release their equipment to the Sim Trooper program to save some Freelancers?' Carolina thought. Now she was really determined to find out what was going on and get some answers.

 **Pyrrha** : "Yes, if you want to look at it that way."

_Ren is now holding the front fangs of the colossal snake in his hands, glowing a faint, pulsating pink as he grips the teeth and yanks them from the monster's mouth, causing it to flail away. It attempts to bite him again, but Ren spins to the side and stabs a fang into its eye, rotating his arm to deliver a final blow that drives the makeshift weapon into its skull, which ripples, expands, and blows apart in a dark mess as its headless body falls over its fellow creature. Wasting no time, Ren runs right at the white head._

"Okay, that was kinda awesome." Church admitted,

"He must have a powerful soul." Simmons guessed.

 **Pyrrha** : ( _walking up to Jaune and touching the side of his head_ ) "Now, close your eyes and concentrate."

 **Jaune** : ( _complying_ ) "Uhh... Okay."

_Pyrrha smiles and closes her own eyes, opening them as her skin glows and her irises shrink before shutting them again. The two stand there, now with Pyrrha glowing a faint red and Jaune a bright white._

"Red, the colour of power." Sarge said,

"But Jaune is glowing brighter." Tex noted.

 **Pyrrha** : ( _mentally speaking_ ) " _For it is in passing that we achieve immortality. Through this, we become a paragon of virtue and glory to rise above all, infinite in distance and unbound by death._ " ( _placing a hand on his chest_ ) " _I release your soul, and by my shoulder protect thee._ "

"That has to be a real life poem." Wash spoke, "I think I've heard of it before."

_Pyrrha stops glowing red and hunches over in tiredness_

**Jaune** : ( _still glowing, concerned_ ) "Pyrrha?"

 **Pyrrha** : ( _getting back up_ ) "It's all right. I used my Aura to unlock yours, but the energy that protects you now is your own." ( _grins as she watches the scratch close up and vanish_ ) 'You have a lot of it."

"Hm... a shield and a regeneration ability." Carolina muttered. She remembered the Spartan program going on and how they had a lot more funding than Project Freelancer, meaning they had better armour and equipment. But to have that without all the bone-breaking armour would be amazing. And the fact anyone could have it means less child kidnappings and a lot more cheaper program.

 **Jaune** : ( _smiling and looking at his hands as the glow stops_ ) "Wow..."

_At the same time, Ren stands atop of the body of his enemy, sliding the weapons into his sleeves and brushing them off before a strange, animal-like noise is heard above him twice. He looks up and meets the upside-down eyes of Nora Valkyrie._

**Ren** : ( _sighs_ ) "I still don't think that's what a sloth sounds like."

Tucker quickly played what a sloth actually sounds like, "Eh… not exactly but close enough I guess." Doc said.

_In response, Nora gives her friend a "Boop!" on the nose, and the scene cuts to black as the credits roll._

"Part 1 finished. Loading next part. Please wait." Sheila said as the screen switched to a progress bar. Just as that happened, Grif yawned,

"What time is it?" He asked while stretching. Simmons got Sheila to show the time on the TV, "Midnight? What the-how did it become midnight already!? The episodes are only like 2-3 minutes long!"

"The loading times are abysmal and we don't notice?" Doc guessed,

"Or maybe that the purple crystals are affecting us and or surroundings in some way and causing time to move faster while we think time is going at a normal speed that would probably wear off after today." Caboose said, causing everyone to once again have their jaws drop to the bottom of their helmets, "…I like cookies."

"…Let's just agree that we should sleep after this." Tucker said, with everyone nodding, "Sheila?"

"The Emerald Forest Part 2 is done loading. Would you like to play, Master Simmons?" The Reds & Blues snickered a little when Sheila said that,

"Yes." Simmons answered in a more depressed tone,

"Beginning playback."

**(Part 2)**

_The opening ends to a view of Professor Ozpin watching the students on his tablet at the Beacon Cliffs overlooking the Emerald Forest when Glynda Goodwitch walks up behind him, holding her own tablet._

**Glynda** : "The last pair has been formed, sir." ( _taps the screen to show the ending scene of the last episode_ )

"Still kinda wondering where they get those camera angles." Donut said,

"It's best not to think about it too much." Wash responded.

 **Glynda:** "Nora Valkyrie and Lie Ren. Poor boy... I can't possibly imagine those two getting along. Still, he's probably better off than Miss Nikos." ( _the video changes to Pyrrha and Jaune Arc's trek through the woods_ )

"Actually, with Weiss & Ruby's bickering, they're the worst pair." Carolina said, "At least Jaune & Pyrrha get along and Ren & Nora have been friends before Beacon."

 **Ozpin** : "Mmmm..."

 **Glynda** : "I don't care what his transcripts say. That Jaune fellow is not ready for this level of combat." ( _deactivates the tablet, walking back a little_ ) "I guess we'll find out soon enough. At their current pace, they should reach the temple within just a few minutes." ( _turning back to Ozpin_ ) "Speaking of which, what did you use as relics this year?" ( _silence_ ) "Professor Ozpin?"

_Ozpin doesn't answer, watching his tablet with a contemplating interest as it shows the footage of Ruby Rose sitting in the grass and picking stray leaves while her "partner" Weiss Schnee walks in random directions._

"Yeah, they are completely lost, aren't they?" Church said as he sighed,

"Well, it's obvious that girl has been pampered but from the looks of it her chances at being a Huntress is really,  _really_  low." Simmons commented.

 **Weiss** : ( _walking right_ ) "It's definitely this way." ( _stops and starts walking left_ ) "I mean... this way! It's  _definitely_ this way." ( _stops in front of Ruby_ ) "Alright, it's official: We passed it."

"Nope. Lost like a child in one of those shopping complexes where teenagers hang out in." Sarge said,

"You mean a mall?" Grif spoke up,

"A what?"

"I'm gonna stop trying now."

"You better, dirtbag." Suddenly, Church started to beeping before he punched Grif in the face, "Oh right! The codeword! Completely forgot about it." He then turned to Church, "Codeword: Dirtbag." Church proceeded to do it again,

"Hey I wanna try!" Donut called out, "Hey Church. Codeword: Dirtbag!" Once again, another punch,

"Why not." Simmons said with a shrug. He still wanted revenge for Grif ruining his organs just to piss him off, "Codeword: Dirtbag." And Church proceeded to beat Grif up as the rest of the Reds kept using the word 'dirtbag' while the Blue laughed. Hell, even Tex joined in and for some reason Church would hit him in the balls every time she said that. Carolina was just wondering if it was hypnosis or something affecting Church. Wash was just smirking as he saw the scene and shook his head,

"You remember when I said about getting your ass kicked by everyone in Blood Gulch except Church? Now it's official! You've now been beaten by everyone in Blood Gulch!" Sarge declared after the whole 'dirtbag' storm,

"Yeah. Great." Grif groaned while in pain as he got back onto his chair (AN: Joke inspired by J053D4N13L35C083D0's review. Wow that's a hard name to write).

 **Ruby** : ( _stands up, slightly annoyed_ ) "Weiss, why can't you just admit that you have no idea where we're going?"

 **Weiss** : "Because I know  _exactly_  where we're going! We're going... to... the forest temple!"

"Okay, how about a direction Princess?" Church asked rhetorically.

 **Ruby** : ( _sighs, frustrated_ )

 **Weiss** : "Oh, stop it! You don't know where we are, either!"

 **Ruby** : "Well, at least I'm not pretending like I know everything."

 **Weiss** : "What is  _that_  supposed to mean?"

 **Ruby** : "It means you're a big, stupid  **jerk**  and I hate you!"

"I think you're old enough to swear by now. Put a 'fuck' in it or something. At least call her a bitch." Tucker muttered, "I've been swearing since I was 9 years old."

"Blog about it." Grif said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes.

 **Weiss** : ( _sighs to herself, spinning around and walking in another direction_ ) "Just keep moving!"

 **Ruby** : ( _in a faux imitation of Weiss' voice_ ) " _Oh, just keep moving! Hurry up! Waaaah! Watch where you're going!_ " ( _in her normal voice_ ) "Why are you so bossy?"

 **Weiss** : ( _turning back around to face Ruby_ ) "I'm not bossy! Don't say things like that!"

"Well, maybe a little." Simmons muttered.

 **Ruby** : "Stop treating me like a kid!"

 **Weiss** : "Stop acting like a kid!"

"She is a kid!" Everyone (sans Caboose) shouted out.

 **Ruby** : "Well, stop acting like you're perfect!"

 **Weiss** : "I'm. Not. Perfect! Not yet... But I'm still leagues better than you." ( _continues to walk away_ )

"Nobody is or will be perfect." Carolina said as she shook her head before looking at Tex, "No one."

 **Ruby** : ( _to herself, dejectedly_ ) "You don't even know me..."

_From the forest, Yang Xiao Long and Blake Belladonna step out into a clearing that reveals the circular stone temple, broken and decrepit but for the platforms around its inside, holding several black and gold objects._

**Yang** : "Think this is it?"

"Well, no fucking shit Blondie!" Grif called out.

_In response, Blake gives Yang an incredulous look and heads down the hill, her partner following._

"Hell, even the cat girl agrees with me!"

"No, that's a general expression anyone would make when you're asked that." Doc pointed out, "She may be strong but she isn't exactly smart."

_They walk across the floor and observe the items on each pedestal, now shown to be familiar shapes._

**Blake** : ( _looking at a black king, confused_ ) "Chess pieces?"

"Why chess pieces out of all things?" Tex muttered to herself, 'There has to be a reason.'

 **Yang** : "Some of them are missing. Looks like we weren't the first ones here."

 **Blake** : "Well, I guess we should pick one."

_Jaune and Pyrrha are standing at the mouth of a dark cave, where drawings are seen to the side involving armed men against giant beasts._

"I have a bad feeling about that cave." Grif said, "Anything with cave drawings with monsters and fighting is a bad sign."

"Or it's telling about the valiant triumphs of humanity to rub it in those Grimm's face!" Sarge added.

 **Jaune** : "Think this is it?"

_The scene cuts to their walk inside the cave, Jaune holding a short, burning torch to light their way._

**Pyrrha** : "I'm not sure this is it."

"Yeah, I don't think a cave was involved to get to the temple." Tex said, "They could be getting further away for all we know."

 **Jaune** : ( _sighs_ ) "Pyrrha, I made the torch. Could you at least humor me for, like, five more feet?"

_Suddenly and completely unexpectedly, Jaune trips on the ground, and the torch flies into a small puddle, extinguishing the flame so the two are cast in darkness with only their eyes visible._

"You're five feet's up." Church said.

 **Pyrrha** : ( _as Jaune gets up and grumbles_ ) "Do you... feel that?"

 **Jaune** : "Soul-crushing regret?"

"Don't talk about soul-crushing regret." Wash muttered before sighing. He felt like he could've done  _something_  back at Project Freelancer, instead he was basically sitting on the sidelines, watching his friends tear each other to pieces.

 **Pyrrha** : "No, it's...  _warm_."

_Back at the temple, Yang approaches one of the relics._

**Yang** : "Hmmmm..." ( _studies the golden knight, then picks it up and shows it to Blake_ ) "How about a cute little pony?"

"It's a White Knight." Simmons corrected,

"Do you really have to correct everyone, Simmons?" Grif asked. The Maroon Cyborg just shrugged.

 **Blake** : ( _smirking_ ) "Sure." ( _they walk towards each other to the center of the temple floor_ )

 **Yang** : "That wasn't too hard!"

 **Blake** : "Well, it's not like this place is very difficult to find." ( _they share a smile_ )

"And then we cut to the people who find it impossible." Tucker said as it switched scenes.

_Jaune and Pyrrha continue onward through the cave until they see a large glowing point of gold right in front of them, illuminating Jaune's excited features._

**Jaune** : "That's the relic!"

"Um… I'm just making a wild guess here but that is NOT a relic." Wash let out,

"Especially when we already know that they're chess pieces." Carolina added.

 **Jaune:** ( _he slowly reaches out to grab it, but it moves away from his swipe_ ) "Hey! Bad... relic!" ( _he tries to get it again, then jumps forward and hangs onto it as the object raises him above the ground_ ) "Gotcha!"

"Um, am I the only one who hears the growling?" Grif asked in a scared tone.

 **Pyrrha** : ( _worried_ ) "Jaune...?"

_Jaune's catch lowers itself so he is dangling right in front of the now-glowing red lines and eyes of a Death Stalker._

"Yep, that is definitely not a relic." Church said, "Someone may want to scream now."

_A girly scream is heard all the way from the temple, where Yang turns towards the direction of its source._

**Yang** : "Some girl is in trouble! Blake, did you hear that?"

_Blake doesn't answer, staring at something in the sky._

"Wait, you don't think that was…" Tex trailed off, trying to figure out who it was.

_At the cave entrance, Pyrrha rushes out right before the monster crashes through the hole, roaring and waving its grass-encrusted claws as Jaune hangs from the stinger, calling from help and continuing to scream._

Then something hit Tucker as he watched the scene, "Wait. Pyrrha is way too professional to scream so doesn't that mean…" Simmons quickly told Sheila to pause the video as they as they let the information sink into their heads before they slowly turned to each other…

Before they burst out laughing (Sans Donut).

"I have no idea why we are laughing! Ha ha ha ha ha!" Caboose said while he laughed as best as he could,

"Oh, oh my GOD, he screamed like a fucking girl!" Church managed to get out before he returned to laughing his robotic ass off,

"Yeah, like Donut!" Grif added as he held his stomach,

"And also Simmons." Donut pointed out,

"Yeah, and also Simm-" Grif paused as he realized what Donut just said, "Wait, what?" Everyone looked at Donut in confusion,

"It's true, even Simmons has a girl scream." The pink-I mean lightish-red Private said as if it was a fact, "I heard it before Simmons fainted back at Blood Gulch. You scream really loudly I could even hear it while my ears were ringing from the sticky grenade."

"I didn't faint! And I don't scream like a girl!" Simmons retorted as he turned to the group (although it came out whiney and a bit childish),

"Hi Simmons." Caboose spoke up, right behind Simmons. The cyborg proceeded to let out a girly scream as he jumped and fell backwards from his chair and onto the ground, his legs comically sticking up. Simmons was about to stand up only to freeze as he saw everyone looking at him…

And went right back to laughing. Except this time at him.

"SH-SHUT UP!" Simmons cried as he fixed himself and his chair. He sighed while everyone's laughter died down. It was going to be long week for him (AN: Thank you Yue Twili for the joke).

 **Jaune** : ( _sobbing_ ) "Help! Whoa-ah-ah-ah-ah! Why?! Pyrrha! He-e-e-elp! Pyrrha, this is not the relic! It's not!" ( _continues to cry and get shaken around_ ) "Do something!"

 **Pyrrha** : ( _wielding her spear in front of the creature_ ) "Jaune! Whatever you do, don't let-" ( _before she can finish, the Grimm hurls its tail back and launches a still-screaming Jaune across the forest as she watches in dismay_ ) "... go."

"I think he let go, lady." Church said.

 **Pyrrha:** ( _she turns back to the scorpion as it continues to snap its claws at her, and she smiles embarrassingly before turning and rushing away in a burst of green leaves_ )

"I'm still saying Ruby & Weiss are the weakest pair." Carolina said as everyone looked at her, "It was just unfortunate luck and navigation skills."

"'Carolina' & 'forgiving' doesn't exactly feel right." Tucker admitted. He flinched when he felt Carolina glare at him, 'But 'forgiving' & 'Carolina' fit perfectly for us.' Tucker thought as he looked at his friends. Well, mutual acquaintances that lean towards hate at least.

_Blake is still staring at something above them, but Yang is focused on the forest._

**Yang** : "Blake, did you hear that?" ( _turns to her partner_ ) "What should we do?"

_Finally, the faint-but-growing-louder scream of "Heads uuuuuuuup!" is heard when Ruby falls from the sky and presumably crash lands to the ground, when the scene cuts to black and the credits roll._

"Okay, where did Ruby come from?" Donut asked before yawning,

"Let's save it for tomorrow." Simmons said as he told Sheila to go offline for the night. Everyone said their good nights to each other as everyone went to their sections. Church, Wash, Tex & Carolina in one section. Sarge, Simmons, Grif & Donut in another section and Tucker, Caboose & Doc right next to them in their own section. The lights of the facility went off as everyone took off their helmets and went to bed.

Everyone, except Carolina.

'Now's my chance.' She thought as she stealthily got out of bed and left the room. She went into one of the other rooms and a cord that she could plug into a helmet and into a computer. She found a laptop and some headphones on the way to the Blue's section so she took them as well. She originally planned to download the information into Sheila but that would probably wake everyone up. She got into the section and found Tucker's cot, with his helmet on the floor, 'Easy.' She thought as she made her way there and plugged the cord into his helmet and into the laptop. She turned the laptop on and quickly downloaded any file she deemed necessary to finding out the truth and about what's going to happen in the future. Then she found what she was looking for.

A file named 'Conversations'.

Her heart raced as she looked at the file. That file could lead to finding about her future. Conversations recorded throughout important events that could change history if she had the knowledge. But there was a problem. The hard drive on the laptop was almost full and the file would fit unless she deleted everything she's downloaded from Tucker's helmet. She had no choice as she was running out of time. She quickly deleted the files she had uploaded into the laptop, especially the ones named 'Family Videos'. She didn't know how it got there but since Tucker was a pervert it was safe to say it was probably his personal videos he would watch when he's lonely. After the Conversations file was downloaded, she turned off the laptop, got rid of the cord and put back the helmet where it was before quickly making it back to her cot. She turned on the laptop again and plugging the headphones.

What she didn't know was that Family Videos held the conversations Tucker recorded as well as some quality time with Junior.

And so, Carolina spent the rest of the night watching Conversations, a four and half hour porn movie.


	7. Better Than Nothing (Player and Pieces)

"And then, he was like 'No way! You can't put that in there! It could ruin it!' and I was all 'Watch me.' And with copious amounts of lube, some elbow grease, I did it and it slid right in there. And let me tell you, it was a tighter fit that I expected." Donut said, finishing his story about his days as an Infiltrator. To the surprise of no one, the rest of the Reds tuned out halfway through because it was either boring (Sarge), long (Simmons) or just plain not giving a flying fuck (Grif). Instead, they were focusing on Carolina, who was eating alone and as far away as she could from the Reds & Blues,

"She's totally on her period." Grif said without warning,

"Dude! What the fuck!?" Simmons exclaimed,

"Oh c'mon! No woman would be this angry in the morning unless she's pregnant, living with someone she hates or she's on her fucking period."

"I'm surprised she even has lady bits." Sarge muttered, "I estimated by her attitude and sheer determination she would have four balls."

"Sarge, only krogan have four testicles. Grif, she could've had a bad night. Maybe she had a nightmare about the Meta!" Simmons tried to figure out reasons for her behavior this morning and that was the best he could come up with,

"Yeah, because a nightmare would make Carolina punch Tucker in the stomach at eight in the morning." Grif said sarcastically, "And what the fuck's a krogan?"

"Have you ev-"

"I've told you! I haven't read one of your stupid fucking sci-fi books!" Grif quickly interrupted his maroon teammate,

"It's a video game!"

"Look, man, the only games I've ever played are when there's money involved and it's in a casino, so shut up about your stupid fucking video game and let me eat." Grif then went back to his breakfast consisting of Oreos and beer. And yes, Grif managed to find beer in the facility. No one knows where he got it and he wasn't telling anyone. Simmons sighed and turned to Sarge,

"Sir, have you ever heard of a series called Mass Effect?" The cyborg asked,

"Like hell I haven't! It was one of the greatest war stories in the Red army!" Sarge declared, "Especially the epic story of Shepard and how he took down the media with three punches and a headbutt!" He then started tearing up in his helmet, "He was an inspiration to all." Simmons then proceeded to face palm,

"Oh, this is going to be a long few days." Simmons muttered as he went back to his breakfast. Meanwhile at the Blues' table, they were having an intelligent discussion about their future,

"7 what!?" Church exclaimed,

"Oh, don't be surprised Church." Tucker said, "This is Caboose we're talking about."

"I know but I was expecting it to be, you know, higher."

"Actually, that was only his team-kills at Rat's Nest." Wash spoke up, "I looked up his file after I got him. He managed to wipe out four other bases  _before_  he went to Rat's Nest."

"Way to help the enemy, Caboose." Church said as he smacked the Stupid Blue in the back of the head,

"I am always here to help." Caboose said, totally unaffected by the hit,

"And I checked all of them." Doc spoke up, "And Caboose, you have surprising accuracy. Every bullet shot through vital areas. Well done."

"And that's a good thing?" Tex asked tonelessly, "Doc, I'm amazed you're still in the army."

"I'm surprised we're all still alive." Church muttered,

"You've died. Like, hundreds of times." Tucker pointed out,

"Meh, close enough."

"So, guys, when are we finishing the rest of RWBY?" Tucker asked. He was invested in this anime and wanted to know what was going to happen next. The others did as well, but they didn't want to say it out loud,

"Maybe after breakfast." Wash answered. After everyone was done eating, they went back to where the TV set up and took their seats. Tucker felt uncomfortable while Carolina was burning holes into his skull while waiting for Sheila to finish loading the video,

"What the fuck did I do!?" Tucker shouted out, surprising the others,

"You know what you did." The Freelancer said coldly,

"Then what the fuck did I do!?" Carolina was lucky she had her helmet on, hiding the permanent blush that she knew wouldn't go away as long as those memories were in her head. She really didn't want to go into detail so she just huffed and looked away,

"Totally on her period." Grif told Simmons, only to be rewarded by a smack to the back of the head courtesy of Carolina herself,

"You guys, stop messing around and let's get this over with." Simmons said as he turned to the TV, "Alright Sheila, begin Player and Pieces!"

"Beginning playback."

**(Player and Pieces)**

_The opening ends to the sight of Weiss Schnee and Ruby Rose hanging on to something very feathery and very fast, as evidenced by the loud wind and the two being blown sideways._

"Okay, what the fuck happened?" Grif asked,

"You've gotta be kidding me…" Simmons muttered, remembering about the talk they had back at Sandtrap,

"Are they on a giant bird?" Donut asked as well,

"A true Red at heart." Sarge said as he placed his hand on his chest plate.

 **Weiss** : ( _shouting to be heard_ ) Ruby! I told you this was a terrible idea!

 **Ruby** : ( _also raising her voice_ ) We're fine! Stop worrying!

 **Weiss** : I am  **so**  far beyond worrying!

 **Ruby** : In a good way?

"Does it look like it's in a good way?" Tex asked rhetorically.

 **Weiss** : In a bad way! In a very bad way!

 **Ruby** : Well, why don't we just  **jump**?

 **Weiss** : What are you?  **Insane**?!

_She is met with silence; Ruby has already disappeared._

"Does that answer your question, princess?" Church said,

"Well, that explains why Ruby was falling." Wash pointed out, "But where's Weiss?"

 **Weiss** : Oh, you insufferable little red-!

_Down on the ground in the Abandoned Temple, Blake Belladonna is still staring skyward and pointing for Yang Xiao Long to look up after last episode._

**Yang** : Blake, did you hear that? What should we do?

"How about catch the falling red riding hood that is your sister." Doc said.

 **Ruby** : ( _falling right towards them, finally getting Yang's attention_ ) Heads uuuuuuuup!

_Just as she's about to hit the ground panicking, Jaune Arc comes flying through the air and crashes into Ruby, knocking her off course and sending them both into a tree to the left of where Blake and Yang are standing. Ruby is dazed by the rough landing (as evidenced by the cutesy Beowolves and stars circling her head)._

"She must be really into wolves, isn't she?" Carolina muttered,

"Irony at its finest." Simmons added.

 **Ruby** : Oohhhh... What  _was_  that? ( _the dizziness passes when she shakes her head_ )

"An idiot getting catapulted by a scorpion." Tex muttered.

 **Jaune** : Eh-hem! ( _Ruby looks up to see Jaune hanging upside-down in a tree branch above her_ ) Hey, Ruby...

 **Blake** : ( _back on the ground, looking at the tree_ ) Did your sister just fall from the sky?

"Yes, where did she come from if she was riding on that magic carpet?" Caboose asked, causing the people there to face palm.

 **Yang** : I...

_Before she can continue, several crashing noises are heard in the forest ahead of them, and an Ursa comes out, claws swiping, just as a pink blast of energy hits it in the back and it crashes to the ground, depositing its rider._

**Nora** : YEEEE-HAAAAW! ( _rolls off of the creature's back, then gets up and groans, saddened_ ) Awwww... It's broken. ( _she dashes onto its neck and observes the carcass as Ren comes up behind her_ )

"You see, Simmons, it's just like I told you." Sarge told his lieutenant, "Reds don't walk, and if there aren't any vehicles to procure then we find the largest nearby animal, beat it into submission, and saddle that puppy up."

"Ruby & Pyrrha didn't seem to follow completely through on that whole 'PETA bait' plan." Tucker pointed out,

"Scorpions are arachnids not animals, Blue. And as for Ruby, she's still young and still has a lot to learn despite being talented. Even then she only skipped beating it into submission."

"Yeah, because that seems like the most important part." Church said sarcastically while rolling his non-existent eyes, "Oh well, I should just be glad that none of them can play that God awful music your car plays." Suddenly, he started hearing the same music that the Reds play in their jeep, "What th-" He then turned and saw Tucker had used his helmet to play it, "GODDAMNIT TUCKER!"

"Sorry, couldn't resist." Tucker said as he turned the music off, "It's just so easy to make you angry, one of the many similarities you have with Weiss." Church just shook his head and sighed and went back to watching (AN: From Rt fan!).

 **Ren** : ( _panting and leaning on the monster_ ) Nora! Please... Don't ever do that again. ( _he looks up again and notices by the pink dotted outline of where his partner should be that Nora has run off again, and looks around frantically_ )

"I think she did it again." Grif spoke up.

 **Nora** : ( _now in the Temple, staring at a golden rook relic_ ) Oooohh... ( _she_   _suddenly grabs it, an animation of stars and her hammer symbol playing in the pink background as she dances and sings with the chess piece_ )  _I'm queen of the castle! I'm queen of the castle!_

"So… this girl has C.T's voice?" Wash asked, making Tex and Carolina nod. Wash couldn't help but picture C.T acting like Nora. He had to fight off bursting into laughter, imagining Connie in pink armour singing that she was the queen of a castle.

 **Ren (off-screen)** :  **Nora!**

 **Nora** : ( _stops dancing with the rook on her head, then salutes, dropping the relic into her hand_ ) Coming, Ren! ( _skips off to her friend_ )

 **Blake** : Did that girl just ride in on an Ursa?

"Shut up and stop stating the obvious!" Grif called out, "We can see you know!"

"Church, can we have that teddy bear for a pet?" Caboose asked the Cobalt Sniper,

"Yeah, sure, for Christmas." Church answered, 'Maybe it could maul him as soon as he opens it.' He mentally added,

"There's just the problem of understanding what she just said." Simmons finished off Grif's sentence.

 **Yang** : I...

_She is interrupted once more as a screech is heard from their right, and Pyrrha Nikos comes onto the scene as the scorpion creature uproots entire trees in its chase after her. Pyrrha narrowly dodges its giant claws and keeps on running._

The Freelancers had to admit, they were impressed that Pyrrha was managing on her own, but knew she couldn't take it down alone. Facing something head-on without support was a deadly mistake.

 **Pyrrha** : Jaune!

 **Jaune** : Pyrrha!

 **Ruby** : ( _standing up, looking at the monster below_ ) Whoa! ( _she starts running off of the branch and landing in a roll_ )

 **Jaune** : ( _whining_ ) Ruby!

 **Yang** : ( _as Ruby stands up, back on the ground_ ) Ruby!

 **Ruby** : ( _excited_ ) Yang! ( _raises her arms as if to give her sister a hug_ )

 **Nora** : "Nora!" ( _comes between the two and knocking them off-balance in surprise_ )

"Way to ruin the moment there." Wash muttered before glancing at Donut.

_The scorpion Grimm continues to follow Pyrrha as she runs._

**Blake** : Did she just run all the way here with a Death Stalker on her tail?

 **Yang** : ( _getting angrier until she growls and erupts in a small burst of fire, eyes flashing red_ )  **I can't take it anymore! Can everyone just chill out for two seconds before something _crazy_  happens again?!**

"Shit, take a chill pill. Or one of those chill strips that dissolve in your mouth." Church said before groaning, 'Goddamnit Vic.'

_The tick-tock of a clock counts down the two seconds of Yang cooling down, Ren running over to a ditzy Nora, and Blake and Ruby looking up._

**Ruby** : Umm... Yang? ( _tugs on her sister's sleeve and points_ )

_Up above, Weiss is revealed to be hanging on a talon the size of her entire body that belongs to a gigantic Nevermore._

"T-Th-That's one  **big** birdie." Grif stuttered out while shivering in his chair,

"I thought you were afraid of bats." Doc said,

"Yeah… about that, our base needed power and we sent Grif to check it out…" Simmons started to explain,

"Uh… you know what, I don't wanna know. It's probably better for my mental health." Doc interrupted him, "Maybe after this we take Grif to a psychiatrist to solve his fear of birds and bats."

"What? No! Bats are one thing but I'm not afraid of stupid birds." Grif scoffed,

"Caw." Simmons said in a flat tone,

"AHHHH! BIRD! LEAVE ME ALONE!" Grif shouted as he fell off his chair and started pushing away the imaginary birds out of the way from his visor, "NOT THE FACE! NOT THE FACE!"

"He does realize he's wearing modern day military equipment from your time, right?" Carolina asked Wash as she watched the Lazy Orange flail around on the floor,

"That's what I said!" Simmons exclaimed, "But does anyone listen to me? No!"

"So is anyone going to help him?" Church asked, only to be stopped by Sarge,

"Let this happen, Church. Let this happen." Sarge said softly as he watched his most hated person in the world suffer. After a few minutes and some time to calm down, they went back to watching (AN: Based on Iron-Mantis' joke).

 **Weiss** : ( _calling down to Ruby_ ) How could you leave me?!

 **Ruby** : ( _shouting up at Weiss_ ) I said "jump"!

 **Blake** (& Tex): She's gonna fall.

 **Ruby** (& Simmons): She'll be fine.

 **Ren** (& Wash): She's falling.

Tex, Simmons and Wash's eyes widened before shaking their heads while convincing themselves that it was just a coincidence.

_Jaune is finally out of the tree, panting until he looks up and grins at the sight of Weiss falling through the air, giving him the opportunity to jump off the branch with arms outstretched and catches her in a slowed-down moment._

**Jaune** : ( _smiles at Weiss_ ) Just... dropping in?

"...Okay, that was a bad pun, but that's a pretty good pick up line," Tucker said. Some of the others groaned, "What?

"Dude, that's a terrible pun," Church deadpanned. Tucker frowned.

"You know what, fuck you too." He said as he gave Church the finger.

_Weiss is speechless... and Jaune realizes why when they both look down._

**Jaune** : Oh, God. ( _they hang on to each other wide-eyed as their moment of suspension ends, their weapons flying behind them_ ) Oh, noooooooo- Oomph!

_Jaune does a face-plant into the dirt, limbs splayed out, and serves as the perfect landing spot for Weiss as she falls into a seated position on his body._

**Weiss** : ( _mockingly_ ) My hero.

 **Jaune** : ( _groaning_ ) My back...

Suddenly, Church surprised everyone by bursting into laughter at the scene, "Oh! My lungs!" The Cobalt Sniper managed to say while laughing,

"Church, you don't  _have_ lungs." Simmons reminded him as he nudged him a little,

"Oh, right. Kinda forgot." Church said as he rubbed the back of his neck while chuckling a little. Carolinaq just stared at him,

"What does-"

"Hey, where did Weiss get her weapon back?" Donut asked, cutting off Carolina, whose eye twitched a little,

"I dunno," Simmons shrugged after he told Sheila to pause it. "It's just an anime, nothing hardly makes sense. Like the Haruhi Suzumiya series for example. Or Commando with Arnold Schwarzenegger." Donut thought about it for a bit,

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"But what about-"

"And yet how do you explain that most of them are a bit super powered?" Tucker asked in a bored tone as Carolina's eye twitched again,

"Again, it's an  _anime!_ " Simmons exclaimed. Carolina opened her mouth to say something…

"So it's also a bad thing that most anime chicks are pretty hot?" But got interrupted by Tucker's question. Before Simmons could say anything, Carolina suddenly stood up and stormed out of the area as everyone watched her,

"So… do you think she's going to be okay?" Donut asked. Just Donut stopped talking, the group heard sounds of crashing, glass breaking and Carolina shouting in rage,

"…Well, she takes after her mother…" Tex said, breaking the silence (apart from the slow destruction of the facility),

"What? Is her mother a silverback gorilla on steroids?" Sarge asked. Tex just rubbed the back of her head and shrugged,

"You could say that…" She muttered,

"Huh." Simmons said as he shivered a little,

"Simmons, is something wrong? Are your wires crossed again? Should I have Donut open up your ass and check what's wrong?" Grif asked,

"No, no, and fuck no." Simmons answered, "It's just I'm getting this weird feeling that we'll hear that again." Grif just looked at him before shrugging before waiting two hours for Carolina to come back,

"It took two hours for Carolina to calm down before she returned, "Just play the damn movie," she growled, glaring at nothing. Almost the Reds and Blues backed away from her, 'I regret sitting near her!' They all thought, terrified (AN: From Yue Twili).

_The Death Stalker is still hunting Pyrrha, but she manages to land on her side at the feet of the heroes._

**Yang** : Great! The gang's all here! Now we can die together!

 **Ruby** : Not if I can help it! ( _sounds a battle cry and rushes towards the Grimm_ )

"Okay, even I know that's really dumb." Donut said,

"Fuck, she's gonna get herself killed." Wash muttered.

 **Yang** : Ruby, wait!

_Ruby, still screaming, fires Crescent Rose and charges at the oncoming Death Stalker. When the two meet, the Grimm swipes Ruby away and she is knocked back._

"She should've been killed by a blow like that." Tex said,

"I guess Auras are more powerful than we thought." Carolina added in.

 **Ruby** : ( _getting up slowly_ ) D-Do-Don't worry! Totally fine!

"I'm getting the feeling she's not totally fine." Church said.

_Ruby turns back to the monster and shoots it in the skull, running away from it and sheathing her scythe as the Death Stalker now goes after her._

**Yang** : ( _running forward_ ) Ruby!

"She's going freaking die at this rate!" Tucker exclaimed,

"And that's why you don't rush into battle." Wash told the Teal Swordsman,

"Nonsense! Rushing into battle, adrenaline pump through your veins, the highly likely chance Grif would die! That's the Red Team's plan of attack." Sarge then stood up and saluted, "That's America's plan of attack!" He then fired his shotgun into the air, dissolving a large chunk of the ceiling above them,

"What the fuck is wrong with him?" Carolina asked,

"He's… been in the army for a long time. I mean, a  _very_ long time." Church answered,

"How long?"

"Have you ever heard of a puma? Or a walrus?"

"Yes. Aren't those animals common knowledge?"

"He thinks they're myths." Carolina just shook her head in disbelief there was someone this stupid in the world,

"Hey, uh… I have this friend who, um, forgot where the toilet was and, well, made his blue, n-not this blue, another blue that looks like this blue, his other blue armour wet and, uh… he asked me to ask you guys where the bathroom is so I can come with him there and make his armour dry again and watch this show. Who is, who is not me. I just wanted to make it clear it was not me." And then you get Caboose and his ever shrinking intelligence,

"We gave you a diaper Caboose." Wash told him before groaning a little,

"O-Oh, well, thank you Washington. My friend says thanks. His name is Caboose. Which is still not me."

"Sure, whatever." Church then gave Wash a gesture saying 'Look what I have to deal with every day'. The former Recovery Agent gave him an understanding look and a pat on the back.

_Ruby rushes towards Yang, but the Nevermore caws above them, flapping its wings and releasing lines of sharpened feathers with points that catch on Ruby's cape and prevent Yang from reaching her._

**Yang** : Ruby, get out of there!

 **Ruby** : ( _struggling with the cloak_ ) I'm trying!

_The Death Stalker approaches, raising its golden stinger above a scared Ruby and heading down on the helpless girl._

"She won't get out in time." Doc said, "She's going to be in a world of hurt."

"Or dead." Church added in, "Being dead is more likely."

 **Yang** : ( _reaching out in vain_ ) Ruby!

_A white blur races past Yang and reaches the stinger just as it's about to pierce her, cutting the scene to black._

**Weiss (off-screen)** : You are  **so**  childish!

_Ruby opens her eyes to the sight of the stinger encased in ice and lowers her arms from their futile position over her head as she stares at her savior._

"Aw… she does care about Ruby." Donut said, "I think."

 **Ruby** : Weiss...?

 **Weiss** : ( _continues to berate Ruby as she removes Myrtenaster from the ice_ )  _And_  dim-witted,  _and_  hyperactive, and don't even get me started on your fighting style.

"Okay, we get it. She has flaws. Get on with it!" Grif called out.

 **Weiss:** And I suppose I can be a bit...  _difficult_... but if we're going to do this, we're going to have to do this together. So if  _you_  quit trying to show off, I'll be...  _nicer_.

"Well, that's the closest thing you'll ever get to Weiss being nice." Simmons said, "Oh well, it's something at least."

 **Ruby** : I'm not trying to show off. I want you to know I can do this.

 **Weiss** : You're fine. ( _walks away_ )

 **Ruby** : ( _breathes a sigh of relief, then closes her eyes and clasps her hands as she gratefully whispers:_ ) Normal knees...

"Not exactly, but close enough." Tex said.

 **Ruby:** ( _she gets up and stares at the Death Stalker as it struggles to escape with its tail trapped in the ice_ ) Whoa!

"That is a  **lot**  of ice." Doc said, "But it won't last long. They need to hurry."

_Yang rushes up to Ruby and gives her a hug (which Ruby grunts at upon receiving)._

**Yang** : So happy you're okay! ( _the two stare at each other for a moment, then look up at the Nevermore still flying overhead and roaring_ )

 **Jaune** : ( _back with the group_ ) Guys? That thing's circling back! What are we gonna do?

 **Weiss** : Look, there's no sense in dilly-dallying. Our objective is right in front of us. ( _the heroes stare at the relics_ )

"Who the fuck says 'dilly-dallying' these days?" Church exclaimed,

"Yeah, like 'monkeying about'." Grif added,

"I've told you! People still say 'monkeying about'!" Simmons yelled at Grif,

"Yeah, whatever dude. Keep dreaming." Grif said as he leaned back on his chair.

 **Ruby** : She's right. Our mission is to grab an artifact and make it back to the Cliffs. ( _nods to Weiss_ ) There's no point in fighting these things.

"But they're exactly easy to out run." Carolina said, "No matter what, they have to fight them if they want to survive the Initiation."

 **Jaune** : Run and live - that's an idea I can get behind!

_Ruby goes over and grabs a gold knight (identical to the one Yang picked out) and Jaune takes hold of a gold rook (similar to Nora and Ren's piece), smiling at each other. The Death Stalker continues to fight its bonds, cracking the ice a little in the process._

"Maybe it's a good time to leave." Grif said.

 **Ren** : Time we left!

 **Ruby** : Right. ( _waves to the others_ ) Let's go! ( _goes forward with everyone following except for a smiling Yang and Blake as the latter approaches her partner_ )

 **Blake** : What is it?

 **Yang** : ( _staring proudly at Ruby as she leaps on a boulder and motions the group onward_ ) Nothing... ( _she moves on as Blake smiles in realization - possibly towards the audience - and leaves as well_ )

"Well, it is sweet to see her little sister growing up into a woman." Wash said,

"If they live that long. They still have to deal with those two Grimm." Carolina reminded him.

_An overhead shot shows that the group is heading out of the forest and into another abandoned series of structures as the Nevermore follows them from the air. They spread out when it passes above, concealing themselves behind some of the stone blocks with their allies as it perches on a high column and caws._

**Yang** : ( _annoyed_ ) Well,  _that's_  great!

_Jaune looks behind at the Death Stalker bursting onto the scene._

**Jaune** : Ah, man,  **run**! ( _the group emerges from their hiding spots and causing the Nevermore to rise up into the air_ )

 **Ren** : Nora, distract it!

_Nora obliges, running out from her block and jumping through the feather projectiles before reaching behind her and launching several heart-topped shells from her grenade launcher, bursting into pink electricity when they hit the Nevermore, and causing it to retreat._

"Huh, so we have someone wearing pink who won't stop talking and is good at using grenades." Simmons stated in a flat tone,

"I wonder who else we know wears pink, won't stop taking and is good at using grenades." Grif said sarcastically,

"Especially if the person usually acts like girl, regardless of gender." Sarge added in, catching onto the boys' small joke,

"I've got nothing." Donut said after a few seconds of thinking, causing the Reds, Blues and Freelancers to face palm.

_She is unaware of the Death Stalker rushing up behind her until Blake and Ren perform a cross-slash with their Gambol Shroud and StormFlower against its shell. Weiss lands next to Nora so she can create a jumping platform beneath them and leap to safety while Blake and Ren are now being chased._

**Pyrrha** : Go, go! ( _stops running beside Jaune and gets out her hunting rifle Miló, firing red shots along Ren's green blasts for a second until it reaches them and tries to swipe, prompting the group to run again_ )

_The eight race over the ancient stone bridge, not noticing the Nevermore closing in on them until it uses its giant wings to shatter the path right in the middle, forcing Ruby, Weiss, Yang, Nora, and Jaune closer to the central collection of columns and Blake, Ren, and Pyrrha on the other side with the Death Stalker. Ruby fires at the retreating Nevermore while Blake is beaten back by the scorpion._

**Jaune** : ( _coming to the edge of the break in the bridge_ ) Man, we gotta get over there! They need help!

 **Nora** : ( _running up beside him_ ) Let's do this!

 **Jaune** : ( _looks down at the misty abyss_ ) Yeah, but, uh... I can't make that jump.

"I don't think anyone can unless they have a jetpack or something." Doc said.

_Nora smiles diabolically at him, laughing as she knocks him back, turns her weapon to its full-length hammer form, and jumps to the edge of the bridge._

"So her grenade launcher is a hammer too!?" Grif exclaimed, "Who is she? Thor?" Simmons was going to say otherwise before he stopped himself and thought about it for a few seconds,

"…Oh, you've gotta be fucking kidding." The Maroon Cyborg groaned,

"What?" Tucker asked,

"Cross-dressers, those four are all gender-flipped cross-dressers." Simmons muttered to himself as he shook his head,

"What do you mean?" Carolina spoke up, slightly confused,

"Jaune Arc, a corruption of Joan of Arc. Pyhrra is the name Achilles used when he pretended to be a girl. Thor once cross-dressed as a goddess. And Ren, well, maybe Mulan. Don't you see? They all represent strong men and women in various cultures!" Simmons explained,

"…Oh my God, he's right." Wash said in realization,

"Dude, that's kinda fucked up." Church said before they all went back to watching (AN: From Epsilon246!)

 **Jaune** : ( _seeing what she's about to do_ ) "Oh, wait!" ( _too late, she slams the hammer into the bridge and throws Jaune to the other side, constantly screaming:_ ) No, no, no, no, no,  **no**!

"Oh, don't be such a baby!" Church said as he crossed his arms,

"Says you!" Wash called out, "I recall you screaming like a four year old girl when you got on the Grav-Lift!"

"They got those out of beta?" Carolina asked,

"Yeah, though you have to be trained a little to use them." Wash then chuckled a little, remembering that Caboose had landed perfectly while Church slammed into a jeep. He guessed that since he skipped the training he needed to use them, probably to avoid Caboose.

_Nora places one foot on the hammer and fires it off the collapsing section of bridge, launching her to slam its face right in the center of the Death Stalker's skull. She fires it just as the stinger comes down to get her, and blasts back again to avoid its reach, accidentally knocking into Blake and making her fall from the edge. She sees the Nevermore above her and launches her whip so the gun's blade sinks into the edge of the bridge, circling around and leaping onto the aerial Grimm's back. She dashes all over its body, slashing the entire time, before jumping off and landing on the ruined platform at the top of the columns next to Ruby, then going over to Yang and Weiss._

"Team's all together." Donut said with a smile on his face.

 **Blake** : It's tougher than it looks!

"Well, it ain't exactly fragile with those giant, sharp feathers!" Sarge called out.

 **Yang** : ( _readying her Ember Celica_ ) Then let's hit it with everything we got!

_The Nevermore approaching, Ruby, Blake, Weiss, and Yang set their weapons to fire a barrage of blasts at the bird, which it either dodges or takes harmlessly until it crashes through the columns and platform. The girls leap from one section of falling stone to the next until they reach the higher bridge on top, just below the cliffs._

**Weiss** : None of this is working!

 **Ruby** : ( _watching Blake whip over to another section of the area and Yang firing round after flaming round at the Grimm_ ) I have a plan! Cover me! ( _she blasts away as Weiss raises her blade and heads into the fray_ )

"I wonder what the plan is." Doc muttered,

"Whatever it is, I have a feeling it's going to be epic." Tucker replied.

_Down below, the Death Stalker is still battling Jaune, Ren, Nora, and Pyrrha._

**Jaune** : We gotta move! ( _they all rush towards it_ )

_The Death Stalker aims a claw at Pyrrha, but she deflects it with her Akoúo shield and slashes it with her blade. The scorpion recoils and swipes at her with its other claw, but Jaune is there to deflect it with his shield, knocking it back so Pyrrha can leap over and attack its face. Ren runs up firing and gets on the stinger when it tries to hit him, shooting at the base between it and the tail while Nora fires more grenades at the attacking claws. Pyrrha hurls her javelin straight into one of the monster's ten eyes, making it throw Ren to the side._

**Nora** : Ren!

_Ren hits the side of a stone block hard and falls to the ground, not getting back up. Jaune, though, manages to stand and notice the stinger is hanging limply._

"Looks like the Mulan guy's down." Tex said, "At least they're not as overpowered as we thought."

 **Jaune** : "Pyrrha!"

 **Pyrrha** : Done! ( _she raises the shield and hurls it like a discus, slicing the stinger off and causing it to fall into the Death Stalker's head as Pyrrha retrieves her rebounding shield_ )

 **Jaune** : Nora, nail it!

 **Nora** : Heads up! ( _she jumps on Akoúo, Pyrrha leaps as Nora aims her blast down to give herself a maximum lift, and she smiles the entire way up before twirling down until her hammer slams its head into the stinger, driving the point through the Death Stalker's head and crushing the bridge beneath it_ )

"Oh! Now that has to hurt!" Grif said,

"Okay, they took care of the scorpion but now Team RWBY has to take down the giant bird." Carolina muttered,

"Let's hope Ruby's plan works." Tex said as they continued watching.

_Jaune and Pyrrha bound over the monster to the land behind it, and Nora fires up and away behind them as the monster falls to its doom. Jaune hits the ground on his back, Nora lands on her bottom, Pyrrha manages a crouched pose, and Ren simply walks over to them, panting and groaning until he just collapses._

'Why do I have a feeling that was ironic?' Everyone thought at the same time,

"Yeah, she couldn't be any more of a Spartan, red-wearing, green-eyed teenage you if she could try, Carolina." Wash remarked,

"So, does that mean Jaune is a more greener, sword-wielding version of you, Wash?" Carolina smirked, not really bothered with the comparison at all,

"WHAT!? NO! Name onetime..."

"I had to pull you into the ship when there was a nuke because you were too afraid to use your jetpack end up like Georgia."

"I still wanna know what happened to Georgia! C'mon! I even heard about Florida!"

"What happened to Florida?" Carolina asked, only for everyone's heads to look down in sadness,

"Poor Florida…" Church muttered,

"Some considered it the 'Wang of America'…" Sarge added,

"Too soon, Sarge." Grif told his CO,

"Shut up Grif."

"What happened to  _Agent_  Florida?" Carolina asked Wash, only to see Wash only shaking his head, looking like he didn't want to talk about it. Carolina just sighed as everyone broke their moment of silence and went back to watching (AN: From Atrum Ferox!).

_The other three JNPRs get up and watch as the Nevermore is peppered with firepower._

Suddenly, Grif started to shiver for no apparent reason, "Why do I have the feeling that I'm going to die?" He asked himself,

"Shut up numbnuts and watch the goddamn movie!" Sarge shouted at his subordinate before seeing Yang firing into the Nevermore, "Oh! That does not look pretty! I like it!"

_Yang is still burning through her ammo on the beast, landing a blow at its face and causing it to head right towards her, but she leaps for its open maw and forces the beak wide as she attacks._

**Yang** : ( _screaming and firing a round with each syllable_ ) I! Hope! You're!  **Hung-! ...-gry!**  ( _she looks behind her and jumps back from its mouth onto a ruin, causing the creature to crash into the cliffs_ )

_Despite Yang's attempts, the Nevermore recovers quickly, and Yang smiles as she spots Ruby and Blake on the broken columns with Weiss rushing to the battle. Yang passes her while the Nevermore starts to fly back up, but Weiss hops over to the ruin it's lifting off of and freezes the tip of its feathery tail to the ground, leaving it stuck in the same spot despite its flapping. Weiss back-flips into a snowflake-circle jump and lands on the other side, running to the group._

_Blake fires the pistol portion of Gambol Shroud over to Yang, and the two tighten it between the columns so Ruby can jump on the center with Crescent Rose and bend it back into Weiss' black sigil, right next to the caster._

**Weiss** : Of course  _you_  would come up with this idea.

"Well, victory is within a simple soul, and Ruby's soul couldn't be any less." Doc said. Everyone else were on the edge of their seats, waiting for Ruby's finishing move.

 **Ruby** : Think you can make the shot?

 **Weiss** : ( _confident_ ) Hmm! Can I!

_A second passes._

"Well, can she!?" Grif exclaimed, only to get whack in the back of the head by Simmons.

 **Ruby** : Can't?

 **Weiss** : Of course I can!

_Ruby looks forward and pumps Crescent Rose as Weiss turns the circle from black to red and releases Ruby at such a speed that the ground behind her launch cracks, rose petals flying from her ascent. With each new shot, she gets closer and closer to the trapped Grimm until her scythe catches the Nevermore's neck in its blade and causes them both to fall to the cliff wall. Weiss raises her sword and creates a series of white circles up the wall, which Ruby dashes through by firing the entire way up._

_Yang, Blake, and an exhausted Weiss watch her climb up with the bird in her grasp until, both warrior and monster crying out, Ruby reaches the top of the cliff, circles up, fires one last shot, and rends the Nevermore's head from its shoulders in a shower of petals._

_She lands beside the severed head as the body of the giant Nevermore falls lifeless to the ruins and crevice below while the girls and, farther away, Jaune, Pyrrha, Nora, and Ren watch in amazement._

Everyone stared in amazement at the feat Ruby had performed. They reminded themselves that it was an anime but they couldn't help but admit that what RWBY had just done was spectacular, "Okay, that was kinda awesome." Tucker said, breaking the silence. Everyone nodded silently,

'She'll make a good leader.' Tex thought, amazed that Ruby was able to execute a plan without even saying a word to her teammates. She had potential to become great, and become even greater with people by her side.

 **Jaune** : Wow...

_Ruby, her cape and petals flowing with the wind, looks down to her friends as they peer up._

**Yang** : Well... That was a thing!

"I guess this is just a normal day for them, huh." Donut noted,

"Well, they have been training for their whole lives for this." Carolina stated, "They have to be ready for anything.'

_Ruby continues to smile as the faint sounds of an audience clapping are heard, growing louder and louder as a familiar voice is heard._

**Ozpin** : Russel Thrush. Cardin Winchester. Dove Bronzewing. Sky Lark. ( _the screen of the auditorium shows each of their profiles as the boys are lined up for the applauding audience to see as Ozpin continues_ ) The four of you retrieved the black bishop pieces. From this day forward, you will work together as Team CRDL, led by... Cardin Winchester!

"It looks like it's time for the Team-Forming Ceremony." Simmons said, "Well, no guesses on who the next two teams will be."

_The audience gives one more wave of ovation, while four students walk up to the stage to take their places in front of the headmaster as their faces fill the screen._

**Ozpin** : Jaune Arc. Lie Ren. Pyrrha Nikos. Nora Valkyrie. The four of you retrieved the white rook pieces. From this day forward, you will work together as Team JNPR.

_Amid the clapping, Nora laughs and gives Ren a hug._

**Ozpin** : Led by... Jaune Arc!

'This will be interesting.' Wash thought. From the battle, he could tell Jaune could command well but saw that personality wise, he wasn't leader material. But only time will tell if he becomes a good leader or not.

 **Jaune** : Huh? L-Led by...?

 **Ozpin** : Congratulations, young man.

_A grinning Pyrrha offers a friendly shoulder bump to Jaune, but her "fine leader" is knocked over and falls to his butt in front of the laughing audience._

**Ozpin** : And finally: Blake Belladonna. Ruby Rose. Weiss Schnee. Yang Xiao Long. ( _motions over the four as they stand before him_ ) The four of you retrieved the white knight pieces. From this day forward, you will work together as Team RWBY. Led by... Ruby Rose!

_Weiss looks to her right surprised, where Ruby is obviously in shock as Yang goes over to hug her sister._

**Yang** : I'm so proud of you!

"Am I the only one who thinks the true reason he made the youngest one the leader was because it's what he named the team?" Church asked,

"Apparently you didn't notice the cleaver and brilliant strategy she deployed to chop the head off that giant crow thing. I'm proud to say she earned her red colors." Sarge replied,

"Bullshit!" Church called out, "All she did was come up with a plan first, and was just lucky that Weiss chick even had a good aim or else she would be a big red spot on the cliff side."

"I agree," Carolina said, "Just making up one attack plan to defeat an enemy shouldn't result with instantly being made leader. I know I had to work long and hard just to earn my leadership position and respect."

"Why the hell are you two so pissed anyway? I was made Sergeant of Rat's Nest on my first day there." Grif pointed out,

"And all you did after that was order people to get you Oreos and beer." Simmons told Grif, "Not to mention the fact that you nearly got us executed by our own guys!"

"You know Command doesn't pay us enough to fight in a war!"

"Grif, we're all paid the standard amount. You just so happen to "lose" our pay and spent it on that HD flat screen TV!"

"C'mon! Grifball was on that night and I needed to buy cable!"

"We already had a HD TV and cable!"

"I don't think you should complain about how Ruby got her leader role, Church. I mean all you did was call 'dibs' on it when Captain Flowers died." Tucker spoke up while the two Reds continued to bicker,

"Hey, let me remind you that you did the same thing with his armour!" Church retorted,

"He wasn't gonna use it!"

"It said in his will that he was to be buried with his armour!"

"Oh come on Church, when have we ever respected anyone's wishes?" They both paused to think about it, trying to find someone in their memories they respected, "See!?"

"You guys, shut up!" Tex shouted, stopping the arguments in the Red & Blue Teams, "God, you're a bunch of idiots…" The Black-Armoured Freelancer muttered before speaking, "Anyway I'm sure Ruby will do just fine, this way she'll grow and become more responsible. Besides, she'll make a better leader than Church or Sarge has ever been."

"WHAT!?" The Leaders of the Red and Blue Teams exclaimed,

"Give me a reason why I can't shoot you right now!" Sarge threatened as he cocked his acid shotgun,

"Well," Tex started as she turned to Church, "You got killed by your own teammate," Then she turned to Sarge, "You're trying to kill your own teammate. Also, you can't hit a girl."

"Dang it! She's abusing the Gentleman's Code!" Sarge grumbled, "Hrrr… fine, I won't shoot ya. But you better do something for me."

"Codeword Dirtbag." Suddenly, everyone heard two beeps before Church delivered a haymaker to Grif's helmet, sending him to the ground, "Is that enough for you?"

"Well, I preferred you to rip out his skull and beat him to death with it but that works too." Sarge then sat down,

"Oh really Tex, then who do you think, not counting Carolina and yourself," Church started, getting some glares from said Freelancers, "Who would be a good leader then?"

"Donut." Tex answered, getting her weird looks from the others except from said Pink solider and Caboose, "What? With that arm he's got, he could be a good leader if he tried."

"Ha! The day that happens is the day Caboose becomes a captain and gets a loyal solider to follow him!" Grif said as he got back into his chair and laughed at the implausibility of it happening.

**(A few hundred years earlier…)**

Suddenly, a soldier in light brown and blue armour sneezed, dropping his gun and shooting a fellow soldier in the knee, "Oh! Sorry Kenny! Uh… medic!" a woman in brown and purple armour sighed and went to the soldier currently laying on the ground, complaining about getting a bullet to the knee and most likely not being able to be soldier anymore,

"You alright Smith?" Another soldier in the same armour as Smith, except having orange instead of blue,

"Yes. I guess someone must be talking about me."

**(Back to the future!)**

"That'll be the day. . ." Church muttered, still somewhat pissed that Ruby easily got a leader role (AN: From aceman88 with a modification by JGResidentEvil!).

 **Ozpin** : ( _amid the last round of cheers_ ) It looks like things are shaping up to be an... interesting year.

_The camera pans over the auditorium's structure until it escapes into the open sky and shows the scattering crescent moon amid the day's clouds..._

_... before going into the night and seeing the moon through a window, providing a view to the outside for a shadowy room filled with shelves and a desk in the back, where Roman Torchwick is getting a call on his phone._

"Hey, it's the guy who robbed that store in the first episode." Donut said,

"Thank you for stating the obvious, Donut." Grif muttered,

"I wonder who's calling him though." Wash whispered to himself.

_The muffled conversation ends, and Roman angrily slams the phone down, sighing. He holds a cigar to his mouth and puts his symbolized lighter to the end, just as a man in a gray mask and black hood comes with a trolley. Roman holds out a collection of Lien, which he places on the table and the man takes._

**Roman** : Open it.

_The masked man does so with a crowbar, revealing a large amount of Dust crystals of varying colors - orange, blue, white, red, green, cyan, gold, yellow, and more._

"That's a lot of Dust…" Carolina muttered, "Why this much?"

_Roman picks up a blue gem in his hand and looks at the loot._

**Roman** : We're gonna need more men...

_The view zooms in on the map above the desk, showing Vale and various districts and areas of crossed-out locations, all leading into a specially-circled place - Beacon - as the scene sets to black and the credits roll._

"So, he's planning to hit Beacon soon." Doc said, "That could be trouble."

"Well, so much for a time of peace." Church said as he shook his head,

"Sheila, load up the next episode." Simmons told the A.I before turning to the group, "So, while it's loading, what should we do while we wait?" Suddenly, Donut gasped before taking in a deep breath,

"Oh no…" (Sarge)

"What's happening?" (Carolina)

"Uh…" (Doc)

"Oh dear lord…" (Tex)

"Why now?" (Tucker)

"Is he going to do what I think he's going to do?" (Wash)

"Ah… shit!" (Grif)

"Please, Donut! No!" (Simmons)

"Is he fucking singing!?" (Church)

"Go! Muffincakes! Go!" (Caboose)

"Beginning band program." (Sheila)

Cue random musical number because it isn't a spin-off without one!

 **Donut:** Let me blow you... away…

You won't believe your eyes and ears today…

You are in for a surprise

When you look into my eyes

You won't be able to deny my ga… ZE!

"Wait a minute Donut, your  _what_!?" Wash asked,

"Come on Wash, you can't deny my deep, penetrating... eye contact!" Donut answered, "My gaze! What did you think I said?" Wash sighed and shook his head,

"Don't ask."

"Don't tell!"

 **Donut:** Let me blow you... away…

There is nothing that I will not do or say…

To entertain a Red companion

In this hot and sweaty canyon

Like a stallion I am bursting through the ga... TE!

"A what?" Tucker exclaimed,

"You know, a stallion. A stud, a horse with a big..."

"Dude, do  _not_ finish that sentence!" Tucker interrupted Donut,

"Saddle! Now who wants to mount up?"

"Oh God…" Carolina groaned.

 **Donut:**  Let me start with this inquiry

Which I've recorded in my diary

I've got a secret thing I want to say…

What's worse, than a conundrum?

Or a cheerleader threesome…?

 **Doc, Tucker & Caboose: **Bitches!

"DON'T JOIN HIM!" Carolina, Tex, Wash & Church yelled at the three soldiers.

 **Donut:** Not taking time to enjoy life each day…

You see the fun, will never cease

As long as we've got elbow grease

 **Donut, Doc & Caboose: **There's really nothing to it

When you're using head… light…

 **Donut:** Flu… id… ah…!

"Donut, you do know there's no such thing as headlight fluid." Tex told the Pink Grenadier,

"Depends on what you mean by "head"!" Donut replied,

"I'm just going to pretend I don't know what you mean."

"I'm going to pretend you do!" Everyone apart from Caboose and Doc collectively sighed.

 **Donut:** I caught the fever for hot fun

And I'm recruiting everyone

You know, this army needs a little style…

"No it doesn't Donut! We don't need your damn daffodils in the armoury!" Sarge shouted, but Donut was too immersed in his own song to listen.

 **Donut:** Hold my ankles, stretch my hammies

I hope that you like double whammies

'Cause I'm gonna sing and dance until you smile!

 **Doc & Caboose: **'Til you smile!

"It's too late for them. Don't even bother." Grif told Church before he could yell at them.

 **Donut:** Some soldiers only… work or nap

While I ride in shotgun's lap

 **Doc & Caboose: **Shotgun's lap…

 **Donut:** The solution's simple!

I'll fill 'em up

With my

 **Donut, Doc & Caboose: **Po… tent… ial...!

"Donut, please, enough with the double entendres!" Simmons begged,

"Double entendre? Is that anything like a ménage-à-trois?" Donut asked, not understanding what Simmons was saying,

"I give up." The cyborg groaned,

"In that case…"

"Is he still going!?" Carolina exclaimed.

 **Donut:** Let me blow you... away…

Like a needle I'll get lost inside your hay…

Easy if you know how, just like milking a cow

( _Cow Bell!_ )

Like we do it on the farm back in I-O-W-A…!

"Moooo!" Everyone turned their heads to the TV to see Sheila had played the sound of the cow bell and a cow mooing,

"Not really help, F.I.L.L.I.S!" Carolina called out,

"Hmm. So you really grew up on a farm in Iowa?" Doc said,

"Yep. You spend a lot of time thinking when you're on the farm. And then a lot of time repressing those thoughts." Donut replied. Everyone promptly started to shift away from him,

'Probably to get a better view!' Donut thought as he continued.

 **Donut:** Let me blow you... away…

I'm on my knees, just to have a chance today…

If you see me winking, it's 'cause we're both thinking

( _Donut then blows a kiss… at Sarge_ )

This lightish-red armor looks so ga... rish!

"Uh… what did you call your armour?" Church asked,

"Garish. It means totally lacking in good taste." Donut answered,

"Huh. Kinda like this song." Tex muttered,

"For the millionth time, Donut, your armor is clearly pink!" Grif stated as he threw his arms into the air,

"It's lightish-red!" Donut whined out as he stomped his foot,

"Why won't he just admit?" Carolina asked Wash, who only shrugged in response. She turned to Tex only to get the same answer,

"Yeah, you're not fooling anyone Donut." Tucker said,

"Um… are we still talking about his armor color, or something else?" Caboose asked, now confused,

"Enough talk, you guys! It's time for some action!" Donut declared as he, Doc and Caboose stood up for the finale,

"NO!" Everyone sitting down shouted out,

"I still want to know what you guys are talking about!" Caboose said,

"After this!" Donut said.

 **Donut:** So let me blow you...

 **Doc & Caboose: **Blow you…

 **Donut:** Blow you all...

One by one...

Individually...

Or in a group...

Blow you...

Away...!

"So… how was it?" Donut asked as he opened his eyes, only to see everyone gone, having ran as far away from Donut as they could, "Hey, have you see-" Donut was going to asked Caboose or Doc but was surprised to see they had also left, "Oh well, I guess they went out to find the others. I guess I'll wait here." He said as he sat down, not knowing they wouldn't return for another three hours.

It was going to be a long day for Donut.


	8. The Hiatus... That Last Ten Seconds

“Let’s see…” Simmons muttered as he checked the computer. After escaping Donut’s musical performance, he decided it would be a good idea to run some experiments on “Purple Dust” in the mean time before continuing the episodes of the show RWBY. So far, it was actually interesting. The show was light-hearted but there was always the dark overtones coming from it. And the others seemed to be enjoying it. Anyway, as he was busy using the computer to run tests, Grif came in with a beer in his hands,

“Hey Simmons.” Grif said before taking a quick swig of the beer, “Still working in those stupid crystals, huh?”

“Yeah. Currently, I’m trying to figure out a way to speed up the charging process of these crystals to get us back to our timelines. Right now, I’m trying to get these crystals to react to certain energies and substances. I’m guessing that with the right combination of those, we can speed up the process significantly and-“

“Yeah yeah yeah, nerd stuff, when are we going home?” Grif interrupted, “Carolina’s probably going to kill us or kill us while trying to kill Tex and I, for one, do not wanna be a part of that when that starts.”

“You’ll be fine. They can’t make you more infertile than you already are.” Simmons muttered out that last part as he continued working,

“I don’t know what you mean by fertilizer or some bullshit, but I also don’t care.” Grif said before looking at the crystals, “Man, first some crazy A.I, then the whole Freelancer bullshit, and after that the whole thing with the Director and now actual time travel.” Grif muttered, “It was so much better when we didn’t know the Blues, didn’t know about the Freelancers, and just sat around and talked. Way less dying back then.”

‘Sometimes I wonder how he was even drafted into the military.’ Simmons thought before going back to work, noticing that Grif had taken one of the crystals and staring at it.

**_“YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!”_ **

“Holy shit!? What the fuck!?” Grif shouted out before dropping the crystal. Suddenly, the crystals started to vibrate, the once dull and unpowered Dust crystals once again regaining a bright, purple glow. Grif and Simmons could only stare as the crystals started floating up into the air and glowed brighter and brighter before falling to the ground. Simmons cautiously picked one of them up and studied it a little. It was back to its state before they all appeared here. Simmons only looked Grif and knew what they had to do,

“We should totally fucking sell this stuff.”

Well, Simmons, at least knew what to do.

(Some time later)

“You know, wasn’t expecting this to happen this soon.” Tucker admitted as everyone took their crystals, “I thought, you know, we’d be here the entire fucking week.”

“Well, we’re not. Let’s just get out of here.” Tex said. Despite looking rather calm, she was actually a little scared. As soon as she left, she was going to die. But then again, she felt like she had to do this. That crash was the end of her story. There was no escaping that, but at least she knew Church would be safe. That was her last wish after all,

“Hey, if I die again, I just want to let everyone know…” Church spoke up before being interrupted,

“That you hate us the least?” Wash guessed,

“No, I was going to say that you guys are fucking assholes.” Church finished as he glared at the Reds, “And I hope you die in a fire and burn, and I hope to never see any of you again.” And with those thoughtful words, he-

“WAIT!” Caboose shouted, “Church, I have something to tell you!”

“Oh God…” Church groaned, “What is it?” He asked, already regretting the decision. He was right to regret that decision. Cue the musical number.

 **Caboose:** Rememrbe taht time that I saved yoru lfie

Yuo weer happy, I codlu tell.

You said somehting abuot hwo I wsa samrt

Adn make your life a living heaevn.

We do eveyrthing togethre

Like Hide & Dont’ Seek

Yoru favoruite game.

And Im’ so glad that we foudn eahc otehr

Adn I knwo yuo feel teh idenitcal wya as me.

Chruch, Im’ Your Bset Firned!

Tahts’ wtah I am to yuo.

And we’ll be together ‘tli the part wehn its’ ovre

Because we are Brohtres in Not Red

Botrehrs in Nto Rde…

Yuo kwno Tukcer thnisk he cna hang wtih you

But Im' your frnied and three's no ohtre!

Becasue wre'e suhc a great tema when w'ere toegther

Jtus like chcoloate adn panetu candy!

No oen else sees me like I see me

Or liek I see yuo, dno't yuo see?

Beacues if I cna't see tehm, they can't see me

Adn if I like me tehn you leik myself.

Cuhrhc, I'm Yoru Bets Frined

That's what I am to yuo

And we'll be togethre till the prta wnhe i’st ovre

Beucase we aer brothrse in nto Red

Brotehrs in not Red…

And, Churhc, wr'ee gonna waether thta stomr togteher.

Adn I'll be rgiht by yuor seid!

You dn'ot have to worry because Tckure is stupdi, stuipd.

You do'nt hvae to wrory becusae Tukcer did it. Tcukre ddi it.

(Chruch, Im' yuor best friend, that's whta I am to you.)

I am your best firned... Do not lsiten to Tukcer.

(And w'lel be tgeother tlil the prat when ist' over)

Tsih song is not creepy. Nto creepy at all.

(Beaucse we aer Brotehrs in Nto Red)

And Chucrh, you don't have to worry bceuase Tcuker is stpuid.

Wle'l weather that stomr, Tukecr's srtmo. Tehre is no stmor that Tucker cna maek taht we can't snuggle together .

Church, Cuhchr, I am yuor best firned, tath is wath I am to you.

Adn it's toatlly not cerepy

Yuo sohldu reepat it in your head

Then sign it to yoruself all teh time

It's awlasy so cachty

To help say tsih

You'er teh best

They had to admit, Caboose was… kinda good at… whatever the hell he was doing. They were actually surprised that Caboose actually write a song that was heartwarming(?), funny and really sad at the same time, “Uh… yeah…” Church could only say,

“Bye Church!” Caboose said as he waved at the Cobalt Sniper,

“Yeah. Bye buddy.” Church said before vanishing in a flash of purple,

“Well, I guess I should be going too.” Tex sighed before looking at Carolina, “…Good luck. And… I’m sorry.” Tex said before vanishing as well. Carolina only looked at the spot where Tex used to be, before vanishing herself without a word,

“I guess this is it.” Wash said as he turned to the Reds & Blues, “I guess… I’ll see you around in the future… past… thing.”

“Yeah, we’re just as confused as you are.” Tucker said before looking at Caboose, “Some more than others.”

“Well Wash, we may be enemies, but you deserve a good send off and a proper salute. And all Red Team Good-Bye Ceremonies all start with one thing.” Sarge said before aiming his shotgun at Grif,

“Oh, you gotta be fucking-“ Grif didn’t finish his sentence as he was shot in the balls, “Why does everyone go for the balls?”

“Oh shut it numbnuts.”

“Sarge, we aren’t enemies. We’re…” Wash just groaned in defeat and just shook his head, “I’ll see ya guys, whenever, alright?”

“Hey, wait, where’s Doc?” Donut asked as he looked around.

(A few seconds earlier)

Doc was walking around the facility, trying to find some medical supplies… before unceremoniously being popped out of existence and would spend a lot of time in a different dimension for the next couple of million years or something-no one cares so let’s just move on.

(Present!)

“Oh well, I’m sure he’s fine.” Donut said before looking at the others, “Well, it’s been a good ride but this cowboy has to step off get some rest. I’ll see ya guys on the flipside.” Donut said before vanishing as well,

“Well, gentlemen. It’s been… interesting.” Wash said,

“Hey, if we get the chance, why don’t we watch RWBY after and just relax or something.” Simmons suggested. They thought about it for a good, long 2 seconds before they voiced their opinions on the matter,

“Yeah dude, that’s not happening.” (Tucker)

“I actually really don’t give a shit about the show.” (Grif)

“Simmons, are you suggesting we fraternize with the enemy?” (Sarge, while pointing his shotgun at the maroon man)

“Uh… later…” (Wash)

“I have no idea what you’re talking about…” (Caboose)

“Of course…” Simmons groaned before they felt the ground shaking underneath them.

**_“It’s okay, it’s okay. I’m just gonna FUCKING KILL YOU ALL!”_ **

Everyone in the room stayed silent at the monstrous, most likely male voice and just proceeded to just get the hell out of there as soon as possible, “Well, I’ll see you guys later.” Wash said before activating his crystal and vanishing,

“Well, back to wherever the hell we were.” Grif said, before putting his hand on the crystal,

“You know, I have this strange we just fucked up the timeline.” Tucker admitted as he put his hand on the crystal as well,

“That’s impossible. We’re in the future. We can’t affect the past. We aren’t fucking with the timeline.” Simmons pointed out as he added his hand in the pile,

“Time isn’t made out lines. It’s made out of circles.” Caboose spoke before following what everyone was doing,

“Simmons, there will always be a percentage where something happens, and when that happens remember the Number 1 Rule in the Red Army.” Sarge said he grabbed the crystal as well,

“Stay Red or Die.” Grif & Simmons said tonelessly,

“Let’s just go.” Tucker said, not wanting to spend another second in the place anymore. And with that, they activated the Purple Dust crystal and closed their eyes. When they opened them, they were back at where they started,

“You know, I was expecting something to go wrong or something.” Grif admitted, “Because that was a little…”

“Guys, what are you doing here?” Wash asked, who was back in his cobalt blue armour with yellow markings,

“Oh, we were-“ Caboose got cut off when Tucker covered Caboose’s speakers on his helmet,

“Oh, we were just… talking to the Reds about where Carolina and Church are.” Tucker lied, guessing that the Wash they knew from 250 or whatever years wasn’t going to arrive anytime soon,

“Well, it’s no use talking about them. C’mon, we have more important things to do. Like taking care of the Wounded.” Wash said before he headed back to Blue Base,

“Wait, ‘Wounded’? No one survived the crash except us!” Simmons exclaimed, “Where did-“

“Uh, guys… I think we fucked up.” Grif said as he stared at the fuck up. The Reds and Blues looked at where Grif was looking and their jaws dropped.

The ship they crashed had a friend now.

The ship wasn’t anything like they’ve ever seen. It was alien by design, but not Sangheili strangely enough. The ship was just as big as the cargo ship they crashed in but it was much more severely damaged, yet it seemed like the ship was intact. But the biggest thing they noticed was that it was perpendicular to the ship the Reds and Blues crashed, almost as if it…

“Holy shit, did we just get T-Boned by another ship!?” Tucker shouted out,

“A little.” They jumped back to see where the voice came from before they found the source, “Yeah… this is going to take a while.” The voice said… from Caboose’s helmet.

"Fuck."

* * *

 

 

The Research Facility was quiet after the Reds, Blues and Freelancers left, only leaving behind the numerous this they’ve discovered at their stay and the DVD case containing RWBY Volume One. It looked like it was going to be abandoned once again for the next couple of hundred years.

Until a purple light appeared in the middle of the room.

“-FUCKTARDS!” A woman with a cracked, golden visor shouted out as she and others appeared. With her were Caboose, Tucker, Donut, Sarge, Grif, Simmons, Wash, Tex and Carolina,

“Holy shit, what was THAT!?” Oh, right. Epsilon was with Carolina and was currently in her new Infiltrator helmet,

“Why are we here? _Again_?” Tucker yelled out as they all stood slowly stood up,

“Oh for the love of-YOU ASSHOLES KNOW WHY YOU’RE HERE!” The woman with the cracked visor yelled at them before throwing off her helmet, revealing her pure white hair and piercing red eyes, “You are all not leaving until you finish at least the first fucking season!”

“But we kinda have a-“

“Shut the fuck up and watch or I will cut off your limbs and put them in your GENITAL HOLES!” Everyone looked at each other before doing the smart thing and taking their seats, “Remember, genital holes.” She said before wandering off to do other things. They sat in silence, wondering how they got into this mess before Wash broke the silence and proceeded to voice everyone’s thoughts,

“Fuck.”


	9. Fuck It (The Badge and The Burden)

“Fuck.” Wash swore as he rubbed his helmet. That lady may look skinny but she sure packs a punch,

“Aw crap, I thought we were done with this shit hole.” Grif muttered, “I wonder if the Oreos are still good…”

“Grif, we may have not seen this place in a few months, or in Carolina’s case years, but she probably just dumped us two seconds after we originally left.” Simmons explained, “I mean, what’s the fuck point of bringing us a few years before or a few years after. For all we know, the DVDs would’ve degraded by then. Anyway, the F.I.L.S.S. here still works, right?”

“Of course, Master Simmons.” F.I.L.S.S. said, while also causing the other Reds & Blues to chuckle,

“Anyway…” Simmons said, trying to ignore the others, “Wait, why are you asking about that!? We have a fucking time-travelling immortal goddess who can literally make sure we aren’t born, who will also destroy us painfully if we don’t finish one season of an anime about school girls learning to hunt monsters. And you’re worried about Oreos.”

“…So you’re saying the Oreos are still good.” Simmons sighed at that,

“Yes. The Oreos are still good.” Simmons deadpanned,

“REMEMBER! GENITAL HOLES!” The woman with the cracked visor shouted from the background as she continued to do… whatever she does,

“’Gentle bowls’? What does the nice but really mean lady mean?” Caboose asked,

“You know what Caboose, it’s probably best if we don’t know.” Epsilon answered, “Still, it would be nice to relax, even for a little bit.”

“You do remember that lady just kidnapped what’s basically keeping the entire army of Chorus from killing each other to watch anime, right?” Carolina pointed out, “I don’t think we have the luxury to relax right now. Not until after we prevent the _complete genocide of an entire planet_!”

“Aw, come on Carolina. Loosen up a little.” Tex said as she placed a hand on Carolina’s shoulder, “I’m sure the army can deal with us being away for a few seconds.”

(250 years earlier… 3 seconds after the Reds & Blues left)

“Hey, where’s the Reds and Blues?”

“I dunno.”

*KA-BOOM!* *GUNFIRE* *JENSEN DRIVING* *PUBLIC INDECENCY*

“…I blame the Republic.”

“Fuck you!”

(Present! Technically!)

“Hm. I guess you’re right.” Wash muttered as Carolina sighed, “Anyway, we left half way, may as well finish what we started.”

“Finish what we started, huh? That’s what my girlfriend said last night.” Tucker said, “Bow Chicka-“

“Chicka Bow...” Carolina started before seeing everyone stare at her, “…What? That’s what you do, right?”

“A-Are you trying to do my thing?” Tucker asked, thoroughly creeped out, “Dude, she’s trying to do my thing!”

“I thought you told me to loosen up.” Carolina growled at Tex,

“Um… yeah… you might wanna tighten back up a little.” Epsilon suggested, “Or… a lot. Just a suggestion.”

“Just don’t say that again, or else you’re grounded.” Tex ordered, a hint of amusement in her voice,

“I’m 34!” Carolina groaned, “Not a little girl.”

“Do you want to go to the naughty corner?” Tex said, causing Carolina’s eye to twitch,

“You’ve been hanging around Caboose too much, haven’t you?” Epsilon said as he shook his head,

“What can I say? I’m good with children.” Tex replied, feeling that if she had a mouth she would’ve been smiling, “It comes with hanging around you guys.”

“HEY!” The Reds & Blues exclaimed, before muttering quietly that she was kinda right,

“I feel violated.” Tucker said,

“Hey Sarge, you’ve been awfully quiet. Is something wrong?” Donut asked the Red Leader,

“Donut, I’ve been thinkin’. I’ve noticed someone’s missing here…” Sarge answered,

“Huh?” Donut said with confusion before it dawned on him, “Oh! Right! There’s less people here than there was last time! Yeah! Um… who’re we forgetting?”

“Well, we have the lady-“ Simmons started listing off before being interrupted by said lady,

“ **GENITAL**! **HOLES**!”

“WE’RE GOING TO WATCH IT!” Epsilon shouted back, “JUST GIVE US A FUCKING SECOND!”

“Church! Volume!” Carolina said, groaning from the headache induced by Epsilon,

“Oops. Sorry sis.” Church quickly apologized,

“Anyway. So we have me, Grif, Caboose, Tucker, Carolina, Wash, Tex, Donut, Sarge and Church here.” Simmons continued, “…So, who are we missing?” They thought about it for a while as they tried to remember who was here with them the first time around. They vaguely remembered the person was purple, somewhat feminine and a medic…

But they were pretty sure Doctor Grey wasn’t with them to watch RWBY.

“Meh. Fuck it.” Sarge said while shrugging his shoulders, “I’m sure we’ll remember. And if we don’t, I’m sure he or she was insignificant to the overall experience and thus should not be thought about. Because it’s more than likely that he or she is dead, or a zombie, or a creature of sorts made from paradoxes and whatever shit Simmons reads about.”

“He was probably a dick anyway.” Grif added, with everyone quickly agreeing, “So, are we gonna start this or what?”

“Alright. Let’s see if I remember the episode title correctly.” Simmons muttered before calling out, “F.I.L.S.S.! Begin The Badge and The Burden Part 1!”

“Wait a minute. I thought Sheila is with the scary bald person!” Caboose exclaimed as the dumb A.I. loaded the episode up,

“Oh, what are talking about idiot?” Church asked, “Ugh! You know what? We’ll deal with it after we’re out of here.”

“ ** _GENITAL HOLES_**!”

“What the fuck does she mean by that?” Tucker muttered to himself. Though, he had the feeling that he’d rather not find out. Anyway, the episode loaded and it was now ready to play,

“Beginning playback.”

**(The Badge and the Burden Part 1)**

_The opening ends to the window overlooking Beacon Academy from the new room of Team RWBY, panning over to Weiss Schnee sleeping soundly in her bed. Her eyes flutter open and she stretches her arms above herself, yawning, while Ruby Rose, dressed in her strangely-colored school uniform, creeps up on her side and suddenly blows a whistle, causing Weiss to fall off the bed._

“Aw fuck…” Grif groaned, remembering every time he was woken up by a whistle during basic. And Blood Gulch. And when he went to Rat’s Nest he flushed that shit down along with a burrito,

“What? Don’t like whistles, Grif?” Tucker asked,

“I think he’s afraid of them.” Caboose up,

“I am not! They’re just annoying.” Grif grumbled,

“Tweeeeet….”

“Shut the fuck up, Caboose.” Grif mumbled.

 **Ruby** : "Good morning, team RWBY!"

“Well, she’s certainly taking her role in her stride considering things.” Tex noted, “Still, out of everyone, I wonder why Ozpin chose her as the leader. She may be good at fighting but I doubt she has the experience to lead a team. Two years early, right?”

“Yeah, and her anti-social traits aren’t helping…” Carolina said, “I mean, she treats her weapon like…” She then turned her gaze to Sarge, who was holding an imaginary shotgun, “Some… other… people I know. Regretfully.”

 **Weiss** : ( _from the floor_ ) "What in the world is wrong with you?"

“I’ve asked that question in my head almost every day.” Simmons said quietly.

 **Ruby** : ( _ignoring the question_ ) "Now that you're awake, we can officially begin our first order of business."

 **Weiss** : ( _getting up and brushing herself off_ ) "Excuse me?"

 **Yang Xiao Long** : ( _holding a collection of objects - pillows, pamphlets, a candle-holder - in her arms, also dressed alongside Blake Belladonna_ ) "Decorating!"

 **Weiss** : "What?!"

“What’s your problem? Decorating is a great team bonding exercise!” Donut said before turning to his fellow Reds, “Isn’t that right guys?” The Res groaned in response. Who knew there were so many shades of pin-er, lightish-red. Around 50 last time Donut checked.

 **Blake** : ( _lifting her suitcase_ ) "We still have to unpack." ( _the suitcase opens, spilling its contents_ ) "Aaaand clean."

For some odd reason, Wash glared at the Reds, “Dude, what’s your problem?” Grif asked,

“Nothing.” Wash grumbled, still extremely pissed that Sarge stole the tank to “renovate” their base… and of the fact that one of them (he was sure it was Grif) was the one who teepee’d their tank, ‘Once the war is over, I gonna renovate _their_ ass.’ Wash mentally vowed, smirking evilly under his helmet, ‘See how they like it…’

“Um… dude, you’re creeping me out.” Tucker let out as he saw the yellow and steel grey Freelancer rub his hands together as he edged away from him. (AN: From Yui Twili!)

_Weiss does not look enthusiastic, especially when Ruby knocks her back again with the blow of her whistle._

**Ruby** : "Aaaalright! Weiss, Blake, Yang, and their fearless leader Ruby have begun their first mission!" ( _raises her fist into the air_ ) "Banzai!"

 **Ruby with Blake and Yang** : ( _doing the same at her sides_ ) "Banzai!" ( _they turn at an angle as Weiss lays on the floor and upbeat montage music starts playing_ )

“You know, even though this show is about schoolgirls training to fight monsters and prevent the destruction of all humanity and shit, this is actually kinda upbeat so far.” Church noted, “…Huh.”

“What is it?” Wash asked,

“What? Oh, it’s nothing. For second there I thought about punching myself in the dick for saying that.” Church answered, earning weird looks.

_Yang places a poster of six guys in various poses named "THE ACHIEVE MEN" on her part of the room. Weiss positions the painting of the Forever Fall forest to perfection and walks away. Blake is busy putting away her books on the shelves, picking up a copy of **Ninjas of Love**  and widening her eyes as she warily looks around before putting it back._

“That is _so_ porn!” Tucker called out suddenly, slapping his knee, “No one looks like that unless they’re hiding the good shit!”

“No wonder she has a few blank cover books.” Simmons muttered,

“Yeah! Porn was printed with blank covers to pass them off as normal books way back when. Like in that shitty movie just before the murderer is revealed, where that chick finds one of those.” Tucker informed,

“Huh, Tucker.” Epsilon spoke up, “I never kn-wait a minute. How do you know about that?” Tucker only looked at the A.I. for a few seconds, before the A.I. groaned in disgust, “Well, that explains all the books you brought to Blood Gulch…”

_Ruby uses Crescent Rose to put up a curtain. Once satisfied, she turned around… and sliced a good portion of it off. A quick zoom around the room (and the repaired curtains) ends with the girls admiring their handiwork... with one problem. The beds are cramped together in the center of the floor._

“Uh… that could be a problem.” Grif said.

 **Weiss** : "This isn't going to work."

 **Blake** : "It is a bit cramped."

 **Yang** : "Maybe we should ditch some of our stuff..."

 **Ruby** : "Or we could ditch the beds...”

“Yeah, because who needs comfortable beds when you have the floor.” Simmons said sarcastically,

“Well, at least the floor is more comfortable than the cots back in Chrous.” Grif groaned as he cracked his back, “Damn it… why does she get an actual bed?”

“Grif…” Sarge growled. Grif wondered why Sarge was annoyed at him before remembering why,

“Oh… right.”

 **Ruby:** “…And replace them with  **bunk beds**!"

 **Weiss** : "Umm, that sounds incredibly dangerous."

 **Yang** : "And super- _awesome_!"

 **Blake** : "It  _does_  seem efficient."

“Yeah… it is…” Wash muttered, remembering that he used to bunk with North when he… accidently turned his room into an airlock during his early Freelancer days. The Director was happy, strangely enough. Maybe that’s why he jumped straight onto leaderboard and became part of the main team after that.

 **Weiss** : "Well, we should put it to a vote!"

 **Ruby** : "I think we just did."

_To the sounds of two dings and a single buzz, Blake thumbs up the idea, Yang makes a double-rocker gesture, and Weiss angrily curls her fists at her side._

“Majority wins.” Carolina muttered to herself, “Bunk beds it is.”

_Decided, they rush at the beds, where sounds of jackhammering and sawing are heard until they gather back at the front of the room._

**Ruby** : "Objective: Complete!"

_While Weiss' bed is simply on the ground next to her art and luggage, Blake's bed is next to her books, which are used to raise Yang's bed over it by placing the novels on the posts, and Ruby's is hanging from ropes on the ceiling with a blanket used as a tent over it._

“Well, that is a deathtrap waiting to happen.” Tex commented,

“No, leaving live grenades in a room with a moron who thinks they’re actually pineapples is a deathtrap.” Sarge informed the black armoured woman,

“Yeah, that was honestly something I expected Caboose to do.” Simmons added in,

“Oh, up yours asshole.” Grif grumbled in annoyance as he flipped the two off.

 **Ruby** : "Allllright! Our second order of business iiiiiiiis...!" ( _the room spins until she lands on her bed and a book lands in her lap_ ) "Classes..." ( _pulls out a pencil_ ) "Now, we have a few classes together today. At 9, we've got to be-"

 **Weiss** : " _What?!_  Did you say 9 o'clock?"

“Let me guess. They wasted their entire morning and now it’s 9 o’clock.” Church guessed.

 **Ruby** : "Uuuum..."

 **Weiss** : "It's 8:55, you dunce!"

“Called it!” Church called out.

_Weiss is the first rushing out of the room and down the hall, the members of RWBY and JNPR peeking out from their doorways to look at her go._

**Ruby** : ( _flabbergasted until she decides:_ ) "To class!"

_Ruby runs out, followed by Yang, and Blake_

“And beyond!” Caboose shouted out.

 **Jaune Arc** : "Class...?"

_Jaune loses his balance and ends up toppling Nora Valkyrie, Pyrrha Nikos, and Lie Ren on top of him. He manages to get out from under them and start dashing._

“Heh, kinda reminds me of you when you first started in the Project.” Carolina told Wash with a small smile,

“I wasn’t that bad…” Wash defended himself, “Besides, Wyoming was worse.” (AN: From Iron-Mantis!)

 **Jaune** : "We're gonna be late!"

_In the courtyard, Professor Ozpin and Glynda Goodwitch watch the two teams hurry through the school. Glynda looks at her watch, and Ozpin simply sips his coffee._

“Man… that running animation sssssuuuuuuuuuccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkksssssss…” Church commented,

“Well, it is the first season. Probably had a smaller budget.” Carolina pointed out.

_The sight of an axe-blunderbuss weapon pans down to the boards displaying various species of Grimm - King Taijitu, Death Stalker, Beowolf, Boarbatusk, Nevermore, and Ursa - behind an elderly teacher named Peter Port._

**Port** : "Monsters!  _Deeeemons_... Prowlers of the night! Yes, the creatures of Grimm have many names, but I merely refer to them as  **prey**! Ha-ha!"

_The members of RWBY, seated on the front row, are in varying stages of interest; Blake and Yang are sitting up and paying attention, Weiss is taking notes, and Ruby has her head propped in her hand as she takes a quick nap until she is woken back up by Port's bad joke, which receives a cricket-filled silence as a result._

“Boo! You suck!” Grif called out,

“Hey… does this guy… sound familiar?” Tucker asked,

“Yeah. He kinda sounds like…” Church started before turning to Caboose, “Oh shit.”

“How many people is there in this show that sound like people we know…?” Simmons muttered to himself.

 **Port** : "Uhhhh... And you shall too, upon graduating from this prestigious academy! Now, as I was saying: Vale, as well as the other three kingdoms, are safe havens in an otherwise treacherous world! Our planet is absolutely  _teeming_  with creatures that would love nothing more than to tear you to pieces! And that's where we come in. Huntsmen! Huntresses..." ( _gives Yang a wink, which she groans uncomfortably at_ ) "Individuals who have sworn to protect those who cannot protect themselves! From what, you ask? Why, the  _very world_!"

“Aw shit. A pedophile who loves to hear himself talk.” Tex groaned, “That’s just great.”

“These people are going are going to die, aren’t they?” Wash asked no one, but everyone nodded their heads.

 **Student** : ( _raises his fist_ ) "Ayyyy-yep!" ( _stands like this for a moment as everyone looks at him strangely before sitting down, embarrassed_ )

“Yeah. Sit back down.” Grif said, “Fucking loser.”

 **Port** : "That is what you are training to become. But first: A story. A tale of a young, handsome man... Me! When I was a boy..."

_His words fade into the background (and a series of "blah"s) when Weiss notices Ruby is very focused on penciling the paper in front of her._

“Wow…! I am learning so much!” Caboose said in amazement, “I like this person! It is like I have met him before!” Everyone look at each other and shrugged before going back to watching.

 **Port** : "...Despite smelling of cabbages, my grandfather was a wise man. 'Peter', he told me..."

_The speech evolves into more "blah"s as Ruby snickers at her creation and shows it to her teammates: A general ball-with-limbs-and-a-head drawing of the teacher with stink lines coming from him and "Professor Poop" written underneath. Blake and Yang are heard laughing, but Weiss looks annoyed._

“Aw c’mon! Loosen up!” Church called out before whispering to Carolina, “Except you. Keep it tight.” Carolina responded by whacking the back of her head, “Ow!”

“Bow Chicka Bow Wow!” …And kicking Tucker in the balls.

 **Port** : "Ah-heh-hem!" ( _he waits until he has their attention again_ ) "In the end, the Beowolf was no match for my _sheer_  tenacity, and I returned to my village with the beast in captivity and my head held high, celebrated as a hero!"

“Wait a minute…” Simmons suddenly said, “Holy shit! Peter and the Wolf!”

“Huh? Who in Sam Hell is that?” Sarge asked, “Simmons, I order you to answer me!”

“Peter and the Wolf!” Simmons said, before guessing that everyone looked confused under their helmets, “The classic musical story?” Simmons waited for someone to gasp. Everyone was still silent, “By Sergei Prokofiev? Won a Grammy for Best Album for Children? The musical story that this guy is based off of?” And yet, nobody knew what he was talking about,

“...No one cares!” Grif called out, breaking the silence,

“Whatever.” Simmons grumbled as he rolled his eyes before muttering to himself, “I should’ve realized it with the music being played considering it has the same melody…”

“Dude, are you seriously gonna call out every reference you get?” Grif asked, annoyed,

“Uh… yeah! This entire team needs a little education every once in a while, and I’ll be happy to do just that.” Simmons answered with a smile, “Bitch.” (AN: From snake screamer!)

_The teacher takes a bow as Weiss slowly gets more and more frustrated with Ruby's antics._

**Port** : "The moral of this story? A true Huntsman must be honorable!"

_Ruby is balancing an apple on a book with her pencil held only by her finger while making a silly face._

Everyone looked at Wash and saw that he was muttering to himself about remembering to make sure there was as little death as possible on both sides, even though they knew they were facing the worst of the worst scum in the galaxy.

 **Port** : "A true Huntsman must be dependable!"

_Ruby has fallen asleep again in the first class of the year._

Everyone again looked at Wash and saw he was now writing down war strategies while watching the show.

 **Port** : "A true Huntsman must be strategic, well-educated, and wise!"

_Ruby is not-so-subtly picking her nose, much to Weiss' building anger._

They looked at Wash one more time and saw he was reading a book, surround in various war strategies and having a pipe taped to his helmet while occasionally sipping a cup of earl gray tea, looking rather strategic, well-educated and wise to everyone in the room, “…Wot?” Wash asked in a British accent,

“Oh fuck you.” Epsilon deadpanned while Wash broke down laughing.

 **Port** : "So, who among you believes themselves to be the  _embodiment_  of these  _traits_?"

 **Weiss** : ( _still angry, she raises her hand_ ) "I do, sir!"

 **Port** : "Well, then, let's find out!" ( _he turns to gesture at the glowing red eyes surrounded by shadow shaking the cage that traps it_ ) "Step forward, and face your opponent!"

“Um… I don’t like where this is going…” Grif whimpered,

“Where the fuck did the cage come from!?” Tucker exclaimed.

_The unknown monster continues to growl as the scene cuts to black and the credits roll._

“Alright Sheila! Load up the next episode!” Simmons called out after the credits finished. Simmons groaned when he saw Donut stand up suddenly,

“Guys, I can’t hold it in any longer!” Donut said dramatically, “For far too long I have waited, and like a sperm in an egg it has been growing for 37 to 42 weeks.”

“Donut… Please shut up…” Grif moaned in defeat,

“I can’t Grif! This baby is about to be born from my womb!” Donut replied, “Though it may be messy,”

“Are you fucking serious?” Tex groaned,

“D-Do I have to shut off Caboose’s mic?” Tucker asked,

“The poop is actually healthy for the baby’s birth so it’s necessary, so as I assume the squatting position because…” Donut continued his horrible description of the birthing process of the metaphorical baby which was slowly starting to become more graphic as Donut went on.

For several hours.

“And when the baby goes to college I’ll be so proud-“

“Donut.” Wash said slowly, interrupting the lightish red armoured man, “We’re your friends.”

“Of course, Wash.” Donut replied, “Why wouldn’t we be.”

“And we care for you.”

“Aw… thanks…”

“But if you don’t get to the point right now I’m gonna-“

“ ** _GENITAL! HOLES!_** ”

“…That.” Wash finished,

“…I was just gonna say their uniforms looked tacky.” This caused everyone to groan,

“Just play the fucking episode.” Wash muttered,

“Alright. Shelia, play Part 2. Please.” Simmons said,

“Beginning playback.”

**(The Badge and the Burden Part 2)**

_The opening ends to Weiss Schnee, now back in her regular attire, readying her Myrtenaster at the growling creature in the cage barely seen at the end of the last episode. Her teammates cheer her on from their seats in the front row._

**Yang Xiao Long** : ( _raising her fist_ ) "Goooo, Weiss!"

 **Blake Belladonna** : ( _waving a small flag saying "RWBY"_ ) "Fight well!"

 **Ruby Rose** : "Yeah, represent teeeeam RWBY!"

“Church, why don’t we have people cheer for us?” Caboose asked,

“’Cause no one in their right-fucking-mind would cheer for us.” Church answered,

“Yeah and that sucks man, ‘cause frankly the only cheerleader Blue Team had was Sister! And she sucked at it!” Tucker added in, not noticing Grif was trying to stand up on his chair, “Although in other matters she was pretty-“ Tucker didn’t finish that sentence as he was elbow dropped and simultaneously crushed by Grif, leaving a rather large dent in the floor, “Ow… My everything…”

“One! Two! Three!” Tex called out before ringing a bell she found before holding Grif’s hand up, “Winner! What do you want to do now?”

“I’m going to sleep!” Grif cheered out before snores started coming from his helmet.

 **Weiss Schnee** : ( _lowering her sword and looking over at her "leader"_ ) "Ruby! I'm trying to focus!"

 **Ruby** : ( _looking sheepish_ ) "Oh, um... Sorry..."

 **Port** : "Allllright!" ( _next to the cage, pulling out his axe_ )

“What the hell!? What kind of weapon is that?” Church questioned as he looked at the design, “Why is it like that?”

“It’s not that bad.” Wash said, “At least it’s not a gun that bounces…”

“Well, there is a chance that the reason for the blade placement could be for weight distribution, as having heavy fittings near the barrel has the potential to throw off the person’s aim when firing. It’s simple really, basic weapons crafting 101.” Caboose explained, causing everyone to stare at him, “What? O’Malley and the nice but mean lady tell me things when I’m asleep. Like how to murder everyone in their sleep!” Caboose said happily. They decided to leave that alone and continue watching. (AN: From snake screamer! Again!)

 **Port:** "Let the match...  _begin_!"

_The professor swings down and breaks the lock, dropping the cage door and revealing the Boarbatusk inside, which immediately charges at Weiss. She uses Myrtenaster to deflect its attack and roll to the side, readying herself for its next move. The Grimm stands a distance away from its enemy, studying her._

**Port** : "Ha-ha! Wasn't expecting  _that_ , were you?"

“What? It attacking?” Tucker muttered, “Because it was kinda obvious dude.”

 **Ruby** : "Hang in there, Weiss!"

_Weiss is now speeding towards the oncoming Boarbatusk, sticking her blade straight at its skull until they meet and Myrtenaster is trapped in the beast's tusks. Weiss is still hanging on to the hilt, and is tossed around as she struggles to get the rapier back._

**Port** : "Bold, new approach. I like it!"

“It’s also rather dumb.” Sarge commented, “What I mean is that the weakness is obvious! If the enemy has a shell on its back, then it has a soft underbelly which can attack for a quick kill! Yet the little girly rushed in head on! While I admire her tenacity, she’ll have a hard time killing it, especially without a trusty shotgun by her side.”

 **Ruby** : "Come on, Weiss, show it who's boss!"

_Weiss turns to glare at Ruby, only for the Boarbatusk to turn its head and rip the sword from her grip. Myrtenaster lands far away from its master, who is knocked back by the creature's tusks._

**Port** : "Oh-ho! Now what will you do without your weapon?"

“I seriously doubt they teach hand-to-hand combat unless they specialize in it like Yang.” Tex noted, “Really should’ve added that to the lessons. You may never know.”

_Weiss looks up just in time to see the Boarbatusk to charge again, rolling out of the way just in time to avoid getting trampled and make it crash into a desk. Weiss rushes at her sword and slides to get it back in her hand._

**Ruby** : "Weiss! Go for its belly! There's no armor underneath-"

 **Weiss** : ( _turning to Ruby_ ) "Stop telling me what to do!"

“Well, you don’t look like you know what you’re doing.” Simmons said.

_Ruby looks hurt at Weiss' rebuttal. Meanwhile, the Boarbatusk leaps into the air and rolls into a ball, spinning rapidly in the air and landing on the ground, consistently gaining speed until it launches itself at Weiss._

“Spin Dash!” Caboose called out, “Super Okami Nier Ico Chrono!”

_It comes closer and closer, but Weiss activates one of her blue-white glyphs and blocks the roll, leaping up into the now-black snowflake symbol and turning it blue again so she can drive the blade into the Boarbatusk's stomach. It squeals and falls silent while Weiss gasps in relief._

“Woo… ya… go… oh who gives a fuck.” Grif said, “God, she’s a bitch.”

 **Port** : "Bravo! Bra-vo! It appears we are  _indeed_  in the presence of a true Huntress-in-training!" ( _as Weiss stands up at attention from her exhausted position and Ruby continues to frown_ ) "I'm afraid that's all the time we have for today. Be sure to cover the assigned readings, and... stay  _vigilant_! Class dismissed!"

_Weiss glares and turns away, walking hurriedly to the exit past her teammates._

**Jaune Arc** : ( _watching her leave_ ) "Sheesh, what's with her?"

“I think she’s angry that Ruby’s the leader instead of her…” Donut guessed,

“You think?” Tucker said.

_The remaining members of team RWBY look at each other with the same question._

_Weiss is still storming off, but Ruby turns a corner and manages to catch up with her._

**Ruby** : "Weiss!"

 **Weiss** : ( _turning around_ ) "What?"

 **Ruby** : "What's wrong with you? Why are you being-?"

 **Weiss** : "What's wrong with me? What's wrong with  _you_? You're supposed to be a leader, and all you've been so far is a nuisance!"

“Okay, I have to admit, someone yelling at you about to do is annoying and I’m speaking from personal experience.” Grif said, “But being a bitch about isn’t going to solve anything. Just ignore it and move on. That’s how I made it through Blood Gulch.”

 **Ruby** : ( _scoffs_ ) "What did I do?"

 **Weiss** : "That's just it - you've done  _nothing_  to earn your position! Back in the forest, you acted like a child, and you've only continued to do so!"

“She’s acting like a child too…” Tex pointed out, “This is basically a tantrum.”

“Yeah. The meaning of maturity is accepting what happens, good or bad. If it’s what you believe in, go right ahead but you have to realize you’re the bad guy in someone’s eyes too.” Wash said, “And Weiss… isn’t exactly acting mature right now.”

 **Ruby** : "Weiss, where is this coming from? What happened to all the talk about 'working together'? I thought you believed in acting as a team."

 **Weiss** : "Not a team led by  _you_.”

“Leading a fucking team is harder than you know you fucking bitch!” Tucker shouted out angrily, surprising the others, “If someone dies, you’re to blame! If you fall, everyone else fucking sees you! And they fall too because you hit them on the way down! You’re so fucking high up the ladder everyone can see your fucking ass and when you mess up everyone gets shit on! And it’s fucking lonely up here and no one else is above you to help you up! So fuck you! Fuck your attitude! AND FUCK YOUR FUCKING FUCK YOU FUCKING BITCH!”

“…Tucker…” Wash said quietly, shocked by Tucker’s outburst. Tucker also seemed to be sobbing,

“But we try.” Tucker continued before looking at Wash, “Because that’s all you can do.”

*cough* “Wuss!” *cough* Church coughed out before Carolina whacked the back of her head,

“Being the leader… sucks.” Carolina admitted, “You’re the blame for every mistake. Every death. If you become leader… you make fucking sure you’re a good one.”

 **Weiss:** “I've studied  _and_  trained. And quite frankly, I deserve better." ( _turns her back to Ruby, trying to reach out but dropping her hand with the following words_ ) "Ozpin made a mistake." ( _walks away as Ruby looks dejected_ )

“Oh. Harsh.” Donut said,

“Well, no shit Sherlock.” Sarge said.

 **Ozpin** : ( _standing right behind a surprised Ruby with a coffee in one hand and his cane in the other_ ) "Hmm... Now that didn't seem to go very well."

“Again, no shit Sherlock.” Sarge repeated after himself.

 **Ruby** : ( _looking doubtful, even on the verge of tears_ ) "Is she right? Did you make a mistake?"

 **Ozpin** : ( _laughing slightly_ ) "That remains to be seen."

“It is only their real day at Beacon after all.” Tex pointed out, “Actually, it was only one class.”

“Actually, you can’t even call it a class.” Church said, “It was just some fucking pedophile talking about his childhood! Which included a lot of blahs!”

_Weiss is still walking around the halls until she comes across a balcony where Professor Port is watching the sunset over Beacon Academy's rooftops._

**Weiss** : ( _approaching him_ ) "Professor Port!"

“Any references Simmons?” Grif asked,

“Other than Sister and the various embarrassing facts she knows about you? Nope.” Simmons replied,

“Isn’t Grif’s Sister dead?” Donut pointed out,

“Still not believing it. Need a corpse.” Grif said,

“Sure, once we’re out of here we’ll go all the way back to Blood Gulch to see it.” Sarge said, “Just so I can see your face.”

“We really need to take these helmets off.” Carolina said as she removed her helmet,

“Yeah. It’s getting a little stuffy in this thing.” Wash said as he tried to… only to realize it was stuck, “What?”

“Dude, what the fuck!?” Tucker exclaimed as he tried to take off his helmet, “Aw God fucking damn it! Caboose! Did you seal our helmets in our sleep again!?”

“You don’t take off your armour when you sleep?” Tex asked,

“Uh, yeah. Space Pirates who can attack at any time. Duh!” Simmons said, “…Though, we _really_ need to take that feature out one day.”

 **Port** : ( _turning to look at her_ ) "Ah, Miss Schnee! And to what do I owe this  _fine_  pleasure?"

 **Weiss** : "I... I enjoyed your lecture!"

“No you didn’t!” Church called out,

“Fuck you!” Tucker shouted out,

“It was like grated cheese!” Caboose exclaimed,

“Boo! You suck!” Grif jeered,

“Suck it, Weiss!” Simmons yelled out, while Sarge tried to shoot the screen with his imaginary shotgun,

“You really need to work on your attitude.” Tex said plainly,

“Eh. It could be better.” Carolina commented.

 **Port** : "Of course you did, child; you have the blood of a true Huntress in you."

 **Weiss** : ( _smiling_ ) "You really think so?"

 **Port** : "Most surely!"

“But not exactly leader material.” Carolina added in.

 **Port:** ( _notices Weiss' small frown and lack of eye contact_ ) "Hmm... Something's troubling you."

 **Weiss** : "Yes, sir..."

 **Port** : "Dear girl, confess to me your strife!"

“Cloud…” Caboose said mindlessly.

 **Weiss** : "Well... I-I think I should have been the leader of team RWBY!"

 **Port** : ( _silent for a moment until he speaks_ ) "That's preposterous!"

“If you wanna be the leader, you don’t deserve to be the leader.” Wash said quietly, “Sometimes, the leader is the last person you’d expect.” He said with a smile as he looked at Caboose and Tucker.

 **Ruby** : "What do you mean?"

 **Ozpin** : "I mean, it's only been one day. Ruby... I've made more mistakes than any man, woman, and child on this planet. But at this moment, I would not consider your appointment to leader to be one of them." ( _leans in so he can look more directly at Ruby_ ) "Do you?"

“You still have a school year to either prove Weiss or Ozpin wrong after all.” Tex muttered.

 **Weiss** : ( _now getting angry_ ) "Ex _cuse_  me?!"

 **Port** : "I've believed in Professor Ozpin for many years, and the man's never  _once_  led me astray!"

 **Weiss** : "So you would just  _blindly_  accept his decision even after seeing how exceptional I am?"

“Little missy, it’s all about trust. And a lot of people seem to forget that teams are forged by trust.” Sarge said, “Sure, we may not respect each other, hell maybe even wanna kill ‘em sometimes, but at the end of the day, your trust in your fellow soldier wins the war. No strategy, no advanced alien technology, not even skill can challenge the trust in your men.” Everyone nodded at that.

 **Port** : "With all due respect, your exceptional skill on the battlefield is matched only by your poor attitude."

 **Weiss** : ( _seething now_ ) "How  _dare_  you!"

“Hey, the truth hurts bitch but sometimes it’s better to face it yourself before you let it consume you.” Tucker said.

 **Port** : "My point exactly. I see a girl before me who has spent her entire life getting  _exactly_  what she wanted."

 **Weiss** : ( _crossing her arms, looking defiant_ ) "That's not even  _remotely_  true!" ( _under the teacher's gaze, she reluctantly relents:_ ) "Well... not  _entirely_  true."

“Those are the same thing…” Simmons deadpanned. Carolina wanted to correct him but left him be.

 **Ozpin** : "Being a team leader isn't just a title you carry into battle, but a badge you wear constantly. If you're not always performing at your absolute best, then what reason do you give  _others_  to follow you?"

_Ruby looks thoughtful with Ozpin's words, then smiles at him._

“The Badge, and Burden of owning that badge.” Church chuckled out, “Nice.”

 **Port** : "So the outcome did not fall in your favor. Do you really believe that acting in such a manner would cause those in power to reconsider their decision?" ( _as Weiss finally calms down and looks at him again_ ) "So instead of fretting about what you don't have, savor what you  _do_. Hone your skills, perfect every technique, and be not the best  _leader_ , but the best  _person_  you can be."

“You can close though. Like a Lancer.” Donut suggested.

_Weiss smiles a little at the words of wisdom._

**Ozpin** : ( _turning back on Ruby, still talking to her_ ) "You've been burdened with a daunting responsibility, Ruby. I advise you take some time, to think about how you will uphold it."

_Ruby, with a last look of consideration, turns and walks away. She comes to the balcony where Port is walking away from Weiss and smiles a little at her partner._

“It’s all about trust.” Carolina whispered out.

_The full moon shines over the green lights of Beacon, and in the room of team RWBY, the door opens and Weiss' shadow is seen against the hall's light. Blake is sleeping under the covers, Yang is spread out on her bed and snoring, and when Weiss lifts the blanket of Ruby's tent, she finds the occupant with her head resting on notes, a pencil in her hand, and open books all around her. Weiss, looking amazed at Ruby's determination, clears her throat and gently shakes the other girl awake, who takes a second to regain consciousness and start flailing in surprise._

**Ruby** : "Weiss! I-I was studying, and then I fell asleep! I'm sorry..."

“Hey, there’s no need to apologize. Just make out!” Tucker called out, only to be punched in the balls,

“I am so glad all the abuse to the balls transferred over to you.” Grif chuckled out, only for Caboose to kick him. There was a shockwave from the impact as Grif squeaked before collapsing onto the ground,

“Nothing must not change.” Caboose simply said and somewhat creepily before returning to his seat.

_Weiss places a hand over Ruby's mouth and puts a finger to her own so Ruby understands the need for lowering her voice. Weiss looks near Ruby's pillow and spots an empty Beacon coffee mug._

**Weiss** : ( _lowering her hand_ ) "How do you take your coffee?"

 **Ruby** : "I... I don't..."

 **Weiss** : ( _getting irritated_ ) "Answer the question!"

 **Ruby** : "Uhh, cream and five sugars!"

“That’s a lot of sugar!” Simmons exclaimed,

“But for me, it’s only a light snack.” Grif added in.

 **Weiss** : ( _sighs_ ) "Don't move." ( _she ducks under to her own bed and comes up a moment later with a fresh cup, offering it to Ruby_ ) "Here."

“That was quick.” Wash said, “Wish my coffee would take that long…”

 **Ruby** : "Um... Thanks, Weiss."

 **Weiss** : ( _smiles, then looks apologetic_ ) "Ruby, I think you have what it takes to be a good leader." ( _Ruby smiles appreciatively_ ) "Just know that I am going to be the best teammate you'll  _ever_  have!" ( _they share a smile_ ) "Good luck studying!" ( _ducks under, only to come up and point at one of Ruby's papers_ ) "That's wrong, by the way."

“And already she’s improving.” Tex said, “Only time will tell if she’ll keep her word.”

 **Weiss:** ( _ducks under again, and her voice comes from the doorway this time_ ) "Hey, Ruby?"

 **Ruby** : "Uh-huh?"

 **Weiss** : ( _stands in the door with her hand on the knob_ ) "I always wanted bunk beds as a kid." ( _she starts to close the door_ )

“Aw…” Donut cooed,

“You still have an entire year ahead. Make it count.” Wash said.

_Ruby, grinning at the progress with her friend, goes back to her notes as scene fades to black and the credits roll._

“Whew! Done with this!” Simmons said as he got Shelia to load the next episode before remembering, “Oh, wait. The next few episodes is going to be about that Jaune Arc guy.”

“How do you know?” Grif asked,

“Because it has his name in it.” Simmons answered, “They’re probably filler. So, whadda say?”

“What?” Tucker asked, having a confused look under his helmet. The choice they would make would change how they viewed the world of Remnant and over all…

Oh who am I kidding?

“Watch it or Fuck it?”


End file.
